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All the lonely people

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Re: All the lonely people

#171

Post by dazc »

rquantz wrote: post #170
dazc wrote: post #169

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My general experience is that people asking for money don't need it, not in the sense they'd starve without it anyway. In the UK people asking for money straight out are usually drinkers. Drug users and scammers tend to want more than loose change hence the more elaborate stories. I should add that I have been homeless and without money. One time my only option of eating was stealing food or asking for money. I chose…

You present "I chose not to eat" as if you made the moral choice. But there is no shame in asking for help if you need it. I don't have illusions about what most people asking for money are going to spend it on. Honestly, they have to deal with loneliness and destitution somehow. That is why I specifically say regardless of whether I think they deserve it .

"You present "I chose not to eat" as if you made the moral choice. But there is no shame in asking for help if you need it."

Which was my point really. Of course there is no shame in asking for help but not everyone does. It's partly why I ended up homeless.

I applaud your generosity though.

Re: All the lonely people

#172

Post by YeGoblynQueenne »

asksol wrote: post #29
ChuckMcM wrote: post #2

Again, something my grandfather taught me, was that it was important to walk around your neighborhood and say "hi" to the people who lived there. He called it "Being neighborly." We also, periodically but not on a particular schedule, put together a block BBQ where people can bring food, or not, and share a moment together to talk about what is going in or what they are worried about etc. Generally people respond wel…

I was also brought up to greet people, but try to greet neighbors in London, UK and they will look at you like you fell from the sky. Most of them will not even give a response. Big cities are a lot like this now.

The thing with British people is, they love to socialise but above everything else they believe there is a time and a place for everything. If stuff happens out of time or place, things get really awkward. If you murder someone during lunch time, they'll be more offended by the indiscretion than the murdering. A good murder should happen during dinner, and the body found just before the cheese is served. Otherwise, it's just not right, know what I'm saying?

So if you want to talk to strangers, get yourself in a situation where strangers talk to each other. First stop: your local (pub). Or try gigs, festivals, open-air markets, that soft of thing. Or get a hobby and go to a club for the hobby, that's a great way to make friends (if you're a nerd with a hobby. I'm a nerd with many hobbies and it's worked fine for me).

If you just walk up to people on the street, or in the transport, and go "Hi, my name is Joe Schmoe of Peoria, Alabama, I work for Giant Corp Ltd and I have three kids and a wife I love" they'll probably only freak out and clam up. Obviously some won't, but it's a bit of a crap shoot.

I bet when you say you 're used to greet people, you also learned there's a time and a place for that too. You won't go and greet a cop making an arrest, or a firefighter putting out a fire, you don't go into insta-greet mode like a mindless automaton every time you see someone. The same goes for talking to people in the UK: you have to be mindful of the social situation.

I'm talking like a bloody foreigner here. Brits have a good side and a bad side. The trick is to learn which is the good side, and talk to that side. When they're nice, they're really nice, so it's worth it. Find that good side and say "hi" to it. You won't regret it.

Re: All the lonely people

#173

Post by cJ0th »

kstenerud wrote: post #16

The more I read about this, the more weird I think I must be. I've always preferred being alone. My time in San Francisco was utter hell. I couldn't get a moment away from people and noise. Now I live in complete isolation. My nearest neighbor is two miles down a dirt road. I only go into town to stock up on foods, which I vacuum seal and stuff in the deep freeze (enough to last me 3 months at a time). I've never bee…

You frame this as a false dichotomy. Spending time with obnoxious people is not the only option you (theoretically) have besides being alone.

I, too, can spend weeks/months without interacting with other people and I stay content. I can read interesting stuff till the cows come home, cultivate my linux system like other people cultivate their gardens, compose music etc.

But the information that I absorb or generate myself in this way is very limited. Connecting with other people makes you enter worlds that are much bigger then your own little micro cosmos. Those people don't even need to be specially intelligent or interesting. Especially when you've spent a lot of time on your own very mundane interactions with other people can be almost magical if you allow yourself to drop some assumptions re: how people should be. In fact, meanwhile I find some types of people who irritated me when I was younger quite interesting.

However, the sad thing is that many people lack the ability to really connect with other people. There are many reasons for this like poorly developed personalities, self centeredness or greed (i.e. they only talk to you when they want something) This makes most interactions indeed futile.

So how can people form more meaningful relationships? I guess it would be helpful if more people spent time to learn about spirituality. By that I don't mean that they should join a sect or cult or that they have to adopt some crazy believes but rather that one should look beneath the stories of the various faiths and see how all those different groups who lived in different geographical regions have figured out incredibly similar mechanisms to cope with life and even managed to turn it into something great.

We like to stand on the shoulders of giants when it comes to (modern) technology yet we ignore "mental software" of the past thinking that our ridiculously short time on earth is enough to figure out everything necessary for ourselves in that area.

Re: All the lonely people

#174

Post by afarrell »

asksol wrote: post #53
afarrell wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A big part of the problem is that when you just walk up to someone they don't really know what your intentions are. My wife is actually currently working on this problem though. She is an event planner and has started running meetups specifically for people who are looking to meet new people. It has worked pretty well in the US, but we're actually going to be moving to London (assuming my visa comes through...).

People need more venues to meet new people, but by greeting I meant more like saying "evening!" when you pass your next door neighbor in the hallway. I don't think there's an expectation to chat in this case. If I wanted to chat I'd start with "excuse me," and probably walk up first as you say. A greeting can be made from across the street, and sometimes just lifting your hat in response is enough (I don't have one,…

Yea, that is in fact one reason that I wear a hat.

Re: All the lonely people

#175

Post by Svip »

Symbiote wrote: post #136
Svip wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How odd, as a Scandinavian (more precisely: Dane), I can relate to almost all of those. Maybe it's a Nordic thing and not just a Finnish thing? Bus stops need a lot of place here, because people don't want to stand close together, for instance.

Can you relate to the final situation? I hope not... > Bus stops need a lot of place here They need a lot of space :)

Ah yes, space. But I must confess I once waited in my flat to go outside, because one of my neighbours were in the hall.

Re: All the lonely people

#176

Post by maxerickson »

ptaipale wrote: post #30
50CNT wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Germany has the Vereinswesen, which are small clubs around a common hobby (such as shooting, football, gymnastics, orchestra, basketball, etc.) that are usually part of a larger Verband, which may be state or country-wide like the DFB (German Football Federation), the DBB (German Basketball Federation), DSB (German Shooting and Archery Federation), or the BDMV (Association of German Music Societies). That could be a…

And it is in many countries, but for some reason the U.S. doesn't seem to work that way. I was a bit surprised when my son spent a year in high school in the U.S. and I found out how youth football (soccer) system works there. Over here in Europe, we have a plethora of local clubs that collect the young and old to train and play, and to work together to organise everything, fund it, and so on. In the U.S. the footbal…

I think this is partly driven by population density. In much of the US, there's only enough people for ~1 such club in a given town (and often barely that).

Re: All the lonely people

#178

Post by branchless »

dazc wrote: post #108
branchless wrote: post #3

I don't know Canada well enough yet, but I can tell you what life used to be like in the UK in my mum's time as a kid, around 55 years back in the North East of England. All families lived near each other and you lived near your school. You'd walk home past your nan's house and stop in there or at your uncles. Maybe when you got home your mum was out at the shops - ok go to your nan's a few yards away. Or just go to…

A lot of what you say resonates with my experience but... 'Then people decided that housing was an asset, an investment. The people that decided this were in finance...' I can remember when the obsession with house prices began and I'm not sure those in finance were entirely to blame for this? I live in Spain at the moment and it's interesting how people seem to be much happier, partly because they are not (in genera…

Credit is the driver. You might be obsessed with jet planes - you can't get a loan for one. And it's not essential.

Re: All the lonely people

#180

Post by branchless »

tonyedgecombe wrote: post #124
branchless wrote: post #3

I don't know Canada well enough yet, but I can tell you what life used to be like in the UK in my mum's time as a kid, around 55 years back in the North East of England. All families lived near each other and you lived near your school. You'd walk home past your nan's house and stop in there or at your uncles. Maybe when you got home your mum was out at the shops - ok go to your nan's a few yards away. Or just go to…

People were living in squalor up to and right after the second world war. I might not like the rentier economy but I try and remember some of the alternatives are worse.

Rentier economy is actually only possible after productivity gains. You go back to after WWII and try and take a big wedge of their wages. They'd string you up. Only when the wolves are from the door can one siphon off wages through obfuscated means.
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