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All the lonely people

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Re: All the lonely people

#161

Post by careersuicide »

smelendez wrote: post #41
mrcsparker wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Keep greeting them - they will come around. I am from the US South and not saying hello (or waving when they pass by) is considered bad manners. I have done this all my life and people have told me that they like it when someone says "good morning" with a smile. Maybe I am lucky or biased, but I don't care. I like it when people are nice and I treat people the way that I want to be treated. I sometimes have to spend…

One problem in New York is that the vast majority of people who try to talk to you on the street want something--they're selling something, canvassing for a candidate, begging, creepily flirting or running a scam--and another big segment are under the influence or mentally ill. Usually the best case is a lost tourist asking for directions. The worst case, that everyone's aware of, is someone trying to get you to stop…

I was actually just about to post this, almost word for word, before I read your reply.

I often see lamentations about people not being friendly to strangers in big cities. I've never quite understood it. It's one thing to not greet or acknowledge a person if you're already having some sort of interaction with them, i.e. holding the door for someone as you leave a store. Of course you should say something or at least smile and node politely, perhaps making brief eye contact, in that case. But, outside of situations similar in nature to that I actually think it's pretty rude to accost strangers in a crowded public place. People are going about their business and you're attempting to force them to give you attention, even if that's not your intent.

Experience has taught me that above a certain threshold of crowdedness the only people who are greeting me want something from me in at least one of the ways you mentioned. Everyone else is out and about because they have something to do. When I go to the middle of nowhere Kansas from time to time things are different. There you wave to passing cars and say "hi" to everyone even if you've never seen them before. The odds that some random person is going to try and sell you a watch at the intersection of Main St. and State Highway Whatever is pretty much zero. And, there aren't a hundred other things attempting to distract people so demanding a brief bit of their attention isn't rude at all.

Re: All the lonely people

#162

Post by [deleted] »

Svip wrote: post #111
jkaljundi wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is how and Estonian or a Finn would feel: http://finnishnightmares.blogspot.com/

How odd, as a Scandinavian (more precisely: Dane), I can relate to almost all of those. Maybe it's a Nordic thing and not just a Finnish thing? Bus stops need a lot of place here, because people don't want to stand close together, for instance.

[deleted]

Re: All the lonely people

#164

Post by rquantz »

careersuicide wrote: post #161
smelendez wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One problem in New York is that the vast majority of people who try to talk to you on the street want something--they're selling something, canvassing for a candidate, begging, creepily flirting or running a scam--and another big segment are under the influence or mentally ill. Usually the best case is a lost tourist asking for directions. The worst case, that everyone's aware of, is someone trying to get you to stop…

I was actually just about to post this, almost word for word, before I read your reply. I often see lamentations about people not being friendly to strangers in big cities. I've never quite understood it. It's one thing to not greet or acknowledge a person if you're already having some sort of interaction with them, i.e. holding the door for someone as you leave a store. Of course you should say something or at least…

If nothing else, in many NYC neighborhoods it would be simply impossible to greet every person you see.

Still, there are plenty of residential neighborhoods where no one acknowledges each other on the street, and there is no sense of neighborliness. Paradoxically, given this article, I find that the more wealthy a neighborhood, the less likely you are to be greeted by a stranger. The poorer the neighborhood (I would imagine down to a lower bound – I seldom go to the truly poor neighborhoods simply because they are so far from the city center in New York) the more likely that greeting is, especially in a black neighborhood like Bed Stuy or (when I first moved here) Harlem.

Re: All the lonely people

#165

Post by rquantz »

dazc wrote: post #105
smelendez wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One problem in New York is that the vast majority of people who try to talk to you on the street want something--they're selling something, canvassing for a candidate, begging, creepily flirting or running a scam--and another big segment are under the influence or mentally ill. Usually the best case is a lost tourist asking for directions. The worst case, that everyone's aware of, is someone trying to get you to stop…

Common occurrence in the UK now is for some sob story about needing bus fare/train fare etc. It is surprising how many people fall for it though.

I always give a dollar to the first person who asks for it in any given day, regardless of whether I think they deserve. If they're asking for money, they probably need it. I don't think telling people they need it for bus fare is a scam, it's just another strategy.

Re: All the lonely people

#166

Post by chrisseaton »

careersuicide wrote: post #161
smelendez wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One problem in New York is that the vast majority of people who try to talk to you on the street want something--they're selling something, canvassing for a candidate, begging, creepily flirting or running a scam--and another big segment are under the influence or mentally ill. Usually the best case is a lost tourist asking for directions. The worst case, that everyone's aware of, is someone trying to get you to stop…

I was actually just about to post this, almost word for word, before I read your reply. I often see lamentations about people not being friendly to strangers in big cities. I've never quite understood it. It's one thing to not greet or acknowledge a person if you're already having some sort of interaction with them, i.e. holding the door for someone as you leave a store. Of course you should say something or at least…

This is my problem with strangers saying hello out of the blue - they think I should stop everything and give them my attention. And in their head they think they're doing something selfless!

Re: All the lonely people

#167

Post by sedeki »

Svip wrote: post #111
jkaljundi wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is how and Estonian or a Finn would feel: http://finnishnightmares.blogspot.com/

How odd, as a Scandinavian (more precisely: Dane), I can relate to almost all of those. Maybe it's a Nordic thing and not just a Finnish thing? Bus stops need a lot of place here, because people don't want to stand close together, for instance.

I am a Swede with Danish and Norwegian heritage and I think this is pathological. If you try to resist and be social anyway, you will seem a bit strange or even feminine if you do it in a seemingly smooth way...

Re: All the lonely people

#168

Post by partisan »

rquantz wrote: post #164
careersuicide wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was actually just about to post this, almost word for word, before I read your reply. I often see lamentations about people not being friendly to strangers in big cities. I've never quite understood it. It's one thing to not greet or acknowledge a person if you're already having some sort of interaction with them, i.e. holding the door for someone as you leave a store. Of course you should say something or at least…

If nothing else, in many NYC neighborhoods it would be simply impossible to greet every person you see. Still, there are plenty of residential neighborhoods where no one acknowledges each other on the street, and there is no sense of neighborliness. Paradoxically, given this article, I find that the more wealthy a neighborhood, the less likely you are to be greeted by a stranger. The poorer the neighborhood (I would…

When I was in Harlem the last time, there were a lot of greetings thrown around. Mostly, it was the older guys. The younger guys didn't seem to expect a greeting. I grew up in NYC and in my neighborhood, you saw people greeting each other through the 80's, but when the 90's rolled around, it changed and people stopped trying to know each other in any meaningful way.

Re: All the lonely people

#169

Post by dazc »

rquantz wrote: post #165
dazc wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Common occurrence in the UK now is for some sob story about needing bus fare/train fare etc. It is surprising how many people fall for it though.

I always give a dollar to the first person who asks for it in any given day, regardless of whether I think they deserve. If they're asking for money, they probably need it. I don't think telling people they need it for bus fare is a scam, it's just another strategy.

My general experience is that people asking for money don't need it, not in the sense they'd starve without it anyway.

In the UK people asking for money straight out are usually drinkers. Drug users and scammers tend to want more than loose change hence the more elaborate stories.

I should add that I have been homeless and without money. One time my only option of eating was stealing food or asking for money. I chose not to eat.

I could walk you round a city in the UK and I could point out the real homeless and desperate people that you would never see - mainly because these are not the people asking for money.

I appreciate there is a huge difference here between UK and US since we have a welfare system that is many times more generous than yours. The people you encounter may indeed need the money?

Re: All the lonely people

#170

Post by rquantz »

dazc wrote: post #169
rquantz wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I always give a dollar to the first person who asks for it in any given day, regardless of whether I think they deserve. If they're asking for money, they probably need it. I don't think telling people they need it for bus fare is a scam, it's just another strategy.

My general experience is that people asking for money don't need it, not in the sense they'd starve without it anyway. In the UK people asking for money straight out are usually drinkers. Drug users and scammers tend to want more than loose change hence the more elaborate stories. I should add that I have been homeless and without money. One time my only option of eating was stealing food or asking for money. I chose…

You present "I chose not to eat" as if you made the moral choice. But there is no shame in asking for help if you need it. I don't have illusions about what most people asking for money are going to spend it on. Honestly, they have to deal with loneliness and destitution somehow. That is why I specifically say regardless of whether I think they deserve it.
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