Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

All the lonely people

ucobserver.org

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

81–90 of 220 posts

Re: All the lonely people

#81

Post by dominostars »

Having community, closeness, and realness is so important for our growth but so lacking in our environments. The only way most people know to find community is through partnership (which has its obvious flaws e.g. divorce rates), or in the work place, which is often lacking in meaningful connection. Family structures are weak, and the communities formerly facilitated by religions are not being supplemented in our new, growingly secular world.

The internet can provide some amount of valuable community and support, but it's limited. Words in text can only convey so much. You can't be held. You can't shout and scream and be irrational. It's easier to hide than confront difficult emotions.

Therapy is so valuable, and its stigmatization hurts us all, but it's also limited. It's just one person, with one set of beliefs. They aren't there with you in the heat of a difficult situation. And honestly, there's something so gross about having to pay hundreds of dollars just to find someone to be real with.

Re: All the lonely people

#82

Post by ChuckMcM »

stephengillie wrote: post #20
ChuckMcM wrote: post #2

Again, something my grandfather taught me, was that it was important to walk around your neighborhood and say "hi" to the people who lived there. He called it "Being neighborly." We also, periodically but not on a particular schedule, put together a block BBQ where people can bring food, or not, and share a moment together to talk about what is going in or what they are worried about etc. Generally people respond wel…

Are you neighborly with the homeless people and beggars in your neighborhood? This is a genuine question. How do you interact with people who live on your street but do not have shelter?

Yes I am. There is one gentleman who is around fairly regularly, he doesn't have a permanent home and he is fiercely proud of that. He has money to buy stuff if he wants. He likes to read and will often trade books with the used book store or ask for books from garage sales as he sees them. He was reading one Asimov's Foundation books when I met him sitting next to his stuff.

We don't get as many outright beggars but occasionally we do. One person I talked with who was simply demanding cash I suggested we trade stories. I'd tell him a story and he could tell me a story. If we agreed he had the better story I would give him $6 (which is the price of a typical paperback book). I told him about the birth of my daughter and how it changed me in ways I didn't expect. He told me about of joining the Navy rather than being sent to jail for shoplifting, and learning the fastest way to clean a mess hall that had just fed 80 sailors who had been sea sick. I gave him the $6. But strangely he didn't really want it, he wanted to tell me more of his stories. But I was out of time so I said if I saw him around again I would ask for another story. Sadly I didn't see him later. He really was a pretty good story teller.

The people who have been problems have either been high (drunk or drugs) or mentally damaged. No fault of their own but they simply weren't in a place to be human. My wife and I called 911 and helped one guy get to the hospital, he was passed out in the parking lot of Safeway. He didn't appreciate the help but I continue to feel it was the right call.

Re: All the lonely people

#83

Post by sauronlord »

nojvek wrote: post #54
branchless wrote: post #3

I don't know Canada well enough yet, but I can tell you what life used to be like in the UK in my mum's time as a kid, around 55 years back in the North East of England. All families lived near each other and you lived near your school. You'd walk home past your nan's house and stop in there or at your uncles. Maybe when you got home your mum was out at the shops - ok go to your nan's a few yards away. Or just go to…

I sometimes do worry about that. If banks didn't create mortgages, would houses be more affordable. It's obscene that I will give half of my life's income to the bank to pay off my mortgage.

You don't have to give half your life's income to pay off the mortgage.

Use your tenants money to pay off your mortgage. ducks out of the way

Re: All the lonely people

#84

Post by hackaflocka »

13of40 wrote: post #74
ChuckMcM wrote: post #2

Again, something my grandfather taught me, was that it was important to walk around your neighborhood and say "hi" to the people who lived there. He called it "Being neighborly." We also, periodically but not on a particular schedule, put together a block BBQ where people can bring food, or not, and share a moment together to talk about what is going in or what they are worried about etc. Generally people respond wel…

I can't even imagine a block party in my neighborhood. We'd have the 24 year old tech multi-hundred-thousandaire from across the street mingling with the Mormons to the right and the shut-in imminent foreclosure retiree to the left bumping shoulders with the gangster guys on the corner and the kitty-corner mother-of-twelve trying to feed her kids up on hot dogs but keep them from listening to any of the conversation.…

LA? NYC? Miami?

Re: All the lonely people

#85

Post by hackaflocka »

m0llusk wrote: post #60
ChuckMcM wrote: post #2

Again, something my grandfather taught me, was that it was important to walk around your neighborhood and say "hi" to the people who lived there. He called it "Being neighborly." We also, periodically but not on a particular schedule, put together a block BBQ where people can bring food, or not, and share a moment together to talk about what is going in or what they are worried about etc. Generally people respond wel…

This is terribly naive. I walk around my neighborhood saying hi to people and they call me names because I am a member of a number of disrespected minorities. Social cohesion is a much more complicated problem than walking around and talking to people.

Here's an alternative: have a warm smile on your face, but don't make eye contact.

Re: All the lonely people

#86

Post by dash2 »

asksol wrote: post #29
ChuckMcM wrote: post #2

Again, something my grandfather taught me, was that it was important to walk around your neighborhood and say "hi" to the people who lived there. He called it "Being neighborly." We also, periodically but not on a particular schedule, put together a block BBQ where people can bring food, or not, and share a moment together to talk about what is going in or what they are worried about etc. Generally people respond wel…

I was also brought up to greet people, but try to greet neighbors in London, UK and they will look at you like you fell from the sky. Most of them will not even give a response. Big cities are a lot like this now.

I'm afraid it's a London thing. Lot of fear and attitude in that city.

Re: All the lonely people

#87

Post by PhasmaFelis »

aaron695 wrote: post #66

> When she couldn’t find her way back home, confused and scared, she screamed for help. She banged on people’s doors and tried to claw her way into vehicles, setting off car alarms. > Neither offered to help, nor called 911 — they pulled the curtains shut and went back to bed. This is a insult to my intelligence. This sort of emotive bullshit is both a lie (This is not what happened) and totally unconstructive. There…

> a lie (This is not what happened)

You're naive. Read up on the Kitty Genovese murder and similar incidents.

It's not even that people consciously decide they don't give a shit. They just assume that surely one of the dozens of other people within earshot will take care of it and save them the awkwardness and bother.

But everyone else is thinking the same thing. So no one takes care of it, and somebody dies.

Re: All the lonely people

#88

Post by advertising »

In the states I found people will look you in the eye when oassing by and some will say hello. Most will respond back if you say hello or how are you.

When I'm in Mexico it's almost rude not greet someone with a customary "buenas dias/tardes/noches"

In Japan rarely people will look you in the eye period.

Re: All the lonely people

#89

Post by PhasmaFelis »

RIMR wrote: post #69
aaron695 wrote: post #66

> When she couldn’t find her way back home, confused and scared, she screamed for help. She banged on people’s doors and tried to claw her way into vehicles, setting off car alarms. > Neither offered to help, nor called 911 — they pulled the curtains shut and went back to bed. This is a insult to my intelligence. This sort of emotive bullshit is both a lie (This is not what happened) and totally unconstructive. There…

That was my thought too. It seems that the author was trying to tell the story in such a way as to pull on the most heartstrings. I live in a city, and if I hear incoherent screaming outside of my apartment, I ignore it. I figure calling 911 every night would eventually get me in trouble, so I just accept that loud, mentally ill homeless frequent my neighborhood at night.

Then you've decided that you value your convenience over strangers' lives. As I said above, look into the Kitty Genovese murder, for example. That's your decision to make, but don't try to dress it up as something else.

Re: All the lonely people

#90

Post by sbardle »

I've been involved in a number of "community building" initiatives. What I've learned is that it is easy to start the community, but soon enough people start getting political and the infighting begins - it often only takes one or two people to ruin it for everybody else.
Post reply on HN