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All the lonely people

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Re: All the lonely people

#91

Post by Legogris »

dclowd9901 wrote: post #48
asksol wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was also brought up to greet people, but try to greet neighbors in London, UK and they will look at you like you fell from the sky. Most of them will not even give a response. Big cities are a lot like this now.

Living in Portland now after moving from SF. Jarring at first how many people will actually just look at you, and half the time will actually pop a quick "Mornin'" or "Hi" to you. A friend from NYC was here visiting and expressed how much it freaked him out to have people looking at him in the eye -- given his experience, he felt like they were being aggressive or nosy. Anyway, having originally been from a small rur…

As a Swede coming to SF, it was a refreshing eye-opener how some people actually talked to strangers at all. Here in Sweden, it's literally just panhandlers, salespeople, drunks and the mentally deranged who talk to strangers in public. Every time I have been abroad, I try to bring some of that spontaneity and sociability with me back home.

Re: All the lonely people

#93

Post by PhasmaFelis »

colanderman wrote: post #40
AndrewKemendo wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, this is a great point that I bring up frequently. Even though I don't participate in churches I do think there is a real value in the communities they create. The challenge is, is it possible to create such a community without it being around something like a religion or cult? Sports (either watching or doing) are the closest thing I can think of but that takes a certain type of personality.

Universal Unitarianism is pretty close to this. It is non-creedal (you don't have to believe in anything) and very community-oriented.

That's Unitarian Universalism, for the benefit of anyone trying to Google it. :) But yeah, UU seems like a really solid substitute for the traditional religious community. Shame it isn't more popular.

Re: All the lonely people

#94

Post by PhasmaFelis »

abraham_s wrote: post #80
ChuckMcM wrote: post #2

Again, something my grandfather taught me, was that it was important to walk around your neighborhood and say "hi" to the people who lived there. He called it "Being neighborly." We also, periodically but not on a particular schedule, put together a block BBQ where people can bring food, or not, and share a moment together to talk about what is going in or what they are worried about etc. Generally people respond wel…

Strangers greeting me on the street was a culture shock when I moved from India to US (to Salt Lake City,UT). Often my brain won't process it in time to return the greeting before the person has passed me. Sometimes I will bungle the reply (saying "same to you" in reply to "Good Morning") or just smile in return or nod. If you have greeted someone on the street and hasn't gotten any response back, please don't take i…

For what it's worth, I think "same to you" is a perfectly fine reply to "good morning." So is a smile or nod.

Re: All the lonely people

#95

Post by aaron695 »

sverige wrote: post #72
aaron695 wrote: post #66

> When she couldn’t find her way back home, confused and scared, she screamed for help. She banged on people’s doors and tried to claw her way into vehicles, setting off car alarms. > Neither offered to help, nor called 911 — they pulled the curtains shut and went back to bed. This is a insult to my intelligence. This sort of emotive bullshit is both a lie (This is not what happened) and totally unconstructive. There…

So you doubt that the reporting is accurate? I don't. It's very believable to me that people would ignore some disturbance outside in a suburban neighborhood. Granted, this is an anecdote that illustrates one of the stranger aspects of isolation, and probably wouldn't happen everywhere, but I think that's the point: in some places, absolutely no one will help you. So, to say it's a lie without any evidence to the con…

> So, to say it's a lie without any evidence to the contrary is unconstructive.

Sorry, it is of course a lie. You shouldn't need evidence.

If you think this sort of thing happens you are a very very broken human being.

'You' are the actual problem, because the people in these stories are not real. But people who believe these stories are.

I shouldn't need to link evidence but I will in the hope that perhaps the truly awful humans who think people will knowingly leave a screaming a grandmother to die in the cold might change the awful way they think.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/toronto/toronto-womans-d...

Re: All the lonely people

#96

Post by theaeolist »

meddlepal wrote: post #43
mrcsparker wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Keep greeting them - they will come around. I am from the US South and not saying hello (or waving when they pass by) is considered bad manners. I have done this all my life and people have told me that they like it when someone says "good morning" with a smile. Maybe I am lucky or biased, but I don't care. I like it when people are nice and I treat people the way that I want to be treated. I sometimes have to spend…

A lot of it's cultural. I'm from Boston and the NYC anecdote resonates with how I operate. If you talk to me on street or on the T or really anywhere i'm not expecting you to talk to me and we don't have some business talking together then I've just been raised to assume you're crazy or asking for something. I feel like 80% of the time it's a good strategy.

In a big city "neighbours" doesn't mean random people on the street but usually other people in your apartment building. You can say 'hi' to them.

Re: All the lonely people

#97

Post by jkaljundi »

abraham_s wrote: post #80
ChuckMcM wrote: post #2

Again, something my grandfather taught me, was that it was important to walk around your neighborhood and say "hi" to the people who lived there. He called it "Being neighborly." We also, periodically but not on a particular schedule, put together a block BBQ where people can bring food, or not, and share a moment together to talk about what is going in or what they are worried about etc. Generally people respond wel…

Strangers greeting me on the street was a culture shock when I moved from India to US (to Salt Lake City,UT). Often my brain won't process it in time to return the greeting before the person has passed me. Sometimes I will bungle the reply (saying "same to you" in reply to "Good Morning") or just smile in return or nod. If you have greeted someone on the street and hasn't gotten any response back, please don't take i…

This is how and Estonian or a Finn would feel: http://finnishnightmares.blogspot.com/

Re: All the lonely people

#98

Post by Bahamut »

dclowd9901 wrote: post #48
asksol wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was also brought up to greet people, but try to greet neighbors in London, UK and they will look at you like you fell from the sky. Most of them will not even give a response. Big cities are a lot like this now.

Living in Portland now after moving from SF. Jarring at first how many people will actually just look at you, and half the time will actually pop a quick "Mornin'" or "Hi" to you. A friend from NYC was here visiting and expressed how much it freaked him out to have people looking at him in the eye -- given his experience, he felt like they were being aggressive or nosy. Anyway, having originally been from a small rur…

I never actually had that shock, and I grew up just north of NYC (near White Plains, a quick train ride right into Manhattan). You quickly learn to size people up and know who is likely to try to sell you something, often by how they dress, their mannerisms, and how they approach you.

Re: All the lonely people

#99

Post by theaeolist »

advertising wrote: post #88

In the states I found people will look you in the eye when oassing by and some will say hello. Most will respond back if you say hello or how are you. When I'm in Mexico it's almost rude not greet someone with a customary "buenas dias/tardes/noches" In Japan rarely people will look you in the eye period.

On the other hand, try asking for help on the street in Japan. The level of helpfulness of random people is amazingly high.

Re: All the lonely people

#100

Post by stephengillie »

ChuckMcM wrote: post #82
stephengillie wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are you neighborly with the homeless people and beggars in your neighborhood? This is a genuine question. How do you interact with people who live on your street but do not have shelter?

Yes I am. There is one gentleman who is around fairly regularly, he doesn't have a permanent home and he is fiercely proud of that. He has money to buy stuff if he wants. He likes to read and will often trade books with the used book store or ask for books from garage sales as he sees them. He was reading one Asimov's Foundation books when I met him sitting next to his stuff. We don't get as many outright beggars but…

Thank you for the well-told stories. And for being a role model, these are heartening and inspiring.

Wasn't meaning to call you out, but it felt awkward to transition out of 2nd person.

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