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When Are You Really an Adult?

theatlantic.com

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Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#121

Post by holografix »

marknutter wrote: post #8

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

I definitely relate to this. Thought not needing to hit "rock bottom" sometime after I graduated I understood that my parents economic situation was very fragile, that I was setting myself up for a life of mediocrity and that I couldn't depend on them much longer. I immigrated at the age of 19 and have lived on my own since then

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#122

Post by Outdoorsman »

intopieces wrote: post #33
rprospero wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd say that the realization that you are the only person who is responsible for you is only half-way there. I'd say that full adulthood realization is that you are the only person responsible for you, but you are still responsible for other people . The reason I say that is I've know individuals who have taken the first mantra to mean that they hold no responsibilities to other people. That it is, in a reductio ad a…

> but you are still responsible for other people. I couldn't disagree with this any more. I've spent years and years of my life trying to be responsible for other people, trying to make their lives the way I thought they 'should' be -- helping people find jobs, encouraging them to do x/y/z. I'd come into people's lives and it'd be like I walked into an old house: "Let's just fix this here, and that there, and pretty…

Don't sell your efforts short...sometimes the advice we give others is, at a minimum, the presentation of potential path(s) a person may choose to follow...

Being given options, or even being made aware that there are options, especially in the case of children, is a gift that can produce amazing outcomes...

How many of us have been given direction, even if unknowingly, by a single sentence uttered by someone trying to "help"? (e.g., "you're really good at organizing things, solving problems, etc...)

Individuals are often not very good at identifying their best, and most marketable, talents...sometimes others can offer perspective...

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#123

Post by beccasanchez »

goodJobWalrus wrote: post #91
MollyR wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I bet most people would consider stephen hawking an adult.

I bet that too. He has a world-class career, made a fortune, had several wives and multiple children. He hit every "adulthood" milestone western society ever came up with.

He achieved all those things before his illness though.

He had financial independence, status, and a career before he became paralysed.

This means he could pay for his own nursing, and that's exactly why people see him as an adult.

Here's the thing: what people are calling "adult" is nothing other than the traditional definition of "man"

A "man" is a person who is independent, powerful, free, makes his own decisions, pays his own way, has others depend on him, etc.

What's interesting is that you have clearly indicated that, despite being female, you feel like a man! Meanwhile there are many males who do not.

I think it's a very interesting discussion. Too bad my bringing up the housewife/paraplegic angle got me 18 downvotes and counting.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#124

Post by grahamburger »

scott_s wrote: post #71
goodJobWalrus wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As a woman, I think so. At the minimum, you need to make your own money to be independent, and independence is necessary to be an adult. I can't imagine feeling grown up, and at the same time asking my husband for some money each time I need to buy something. (Financial) dependance infantilizes a person. There is a reason why unemployment is depressing even if you have a roof over your head and food to eat.

I think that in a healthy relationship where one spouse stays home, there's no concept of asking for money. All resources are assumed to be shared, and discussions will of course happens about spending money, but not permission . I agree that the scenario you're imagining sounds undesirable, but I don't think that's necessarily how one-spouse-stays-home must be.

This is how we do it. My wife would also baulk at the idea of 'asking' me for money, even though it's my job that brings money in for the fam. To me, it seems strange that a couple would consider some money 'his' and some 'hers' regardless of where it came from. I've seen hints of that type of spousal relationship here (including in GPs comment) and other places and it's very foreign to me.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#125

Post by Outdoorsman »

I think you're probably an adult when you transition from the role of being "protected", by some one, or some entity, to the role of "protector"...

That is, you've managed your own affairs so that you're now in a position to help others who need help managing theirs...

That's the cornerstone of a healthy and productive society--accomplished elders mentoring the young on a consistent basis...

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#126

Post by enobrev »

spydum wrote: post #118
enobrev wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you have a great defining moment here, but there is one other that is just as foundational in regards to solidifying ground upon which one can grow away from childhood - that in almost all cases, we're all lost and doing some rendition of our best. As a child we generally assume everyone "above" us knows what they're talking about. Authority derives from behind the curtain that is defined by a hope that whome…

while I agree that stage (and I feel I've only recently obtained it) is a milestone, I'm not sure it is the delineation of adulthood. I don't know what you call it, but it absolutely is significant. I think I liked things before I crossed that bridge.

It's hard to say. I know both were very important to me, but both also became apparent to me very young. That was still my favorite as it allowed me to stand beside my elders rather than below them. I could finally fit within their shoes and try to understand why they did or said what they had.

No doubt, it's different for us all. I've had gobs of insight at a young age for better or worse, but the moment at which I personally started truly feeling like an adult was when my net worth inched past zero and stayed there for longer than six months. This wasn't due to making more money, but rather overall managing life better.

As superficial as that may be - it was clear to me, at that point, that I was actually paying attention to the easy, banal maintenance work most of us know has to be done to ensure a stable life, and eventually, family. And I think that was my motivation - a hope for my own family.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#127

Post by kaybe »

gricardo99 wrote: post #84

The day I got excited about ordering a new vacuum cleaner. I can't say I definitively crossed the threshold of adulthood that day, but the kid in me grieved. He was no longer in control... of everything ;) There was now a "grown-up" in charge.

Did you get a roomba? There are vacuum cleaners out there that warrant a little excitement. :)

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#129

Post by dominotw »

ergothus wrote: post #12

I'm approaching 40. I've never been "aimless", and while I can definitely increase how often I take responsibility, I'm doing well. I own a house, am married, taking care of my mother, employed, socking money away in a 401k (probably not fast enough, but it's happening). ...and I've never felt like an adult. I can have the weird dichotomy of having friends young enough to have missed everything I relate to my childho…

You haven't described what being an adult means to you. If I understood correctly, you are saying the "adult"hood is a feeling that you know when you have it ?

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#130

Post by dominotw »

beccasanchez wrote: post #31
marknutter wrote: post #8

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

So stay at home house wives can never be adults?

This comment reminded me of this bill burr clip

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hitc8haEu_g

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