111–120 of 206 posts
Lots of parents here claiming they are more adult than non-parents...
When parents talk (complain, whine) about how non-parents have it so easy, what they're really commenting on is the relative change in difficulty they experienced in their own lives when they switched camps, moreso than the difficulty of their life vs. yours.
Adulthood is defined by extreme personal responsibility. I didn't consider making a baby adulthood, or getting a $100k/year job to be adulthood. If anything, I was _less_ responsible for my own actions (ballooning to 360lbs), because I started focusing on the things I _had_ to do, and let my personal development stop due to not having time . Oddly, I realized and _grasped_ the concept that I had to take responsibilit…
>declared a de jure court What does this mean? Google has no results for that phrase, using any verb tense.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
What about people suffering from any mental illness that would seriously hamper their ability to take responsibilities or reach financial independence ? I am thinking of non episodic depression, phobias preventing doing anything that is performance related, etc. There comes a time when they are alone in front of the mirror and yet will be unable to act upon it because of circumstances outside their immediate control.…
Maybe we shouldn't consider such people adults, then. Often times developmentally disabled children reach "adulthood" but are still considered incompetent and require guardianship.
;).
Seriously though. Often the part of living with depression is keeping up appearances, so that you don't get labeled by friends and relatives as a childish adult. For some reason, many people tend to switch to a condescending attitude then, and this is very much not helping the depressed person.
I'm approaching 40. I've never been "aimless", and while I can definitely increase how often I take responsibility, I'm doing well. I own a house, am married, taking care of my mother, employed, socking money away in a 401k (probably not fast enough, but it's happening). ...and I've never felt like an adult. I can have the weird dichotomy of having friends young enough to have missed everything I relate to my childho…
I'm in a similar boat as your. My Mom put it the best a few years ago: "Son, I may be in my 60s, but my mind is always in my late 20s." You do toggle between different ages, wearing different adult hats depending on situations and people dealt on hands. But everyone's baseline mind is in their late 20s. At least, that's what I gather from talking to people. :)
You are an adult when every single day consists of doing things you do not want to do. You just do them. Either because you must, or because you have responsibilty or guilt.
When you're a kid the appeal of growing up is getting to do whatever you want.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
What about people suffering from any mental illness that would seriously hamper their ability to take responsibilities or reach financial independence ? I am thinking of non episodic depression, phobias preventing doing anything that is performance related, etc. There comes a time when they are alone in front of the mirror and yet will be unable to act upon it because of circumstances outside their immediate control.…
Maybe we shouldn't consider such people adults, then. Often times developmentally disabled children reach "adulthood" but are still considered incompetent and require guardianship.
I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…
As a child we generally assume everyone "above" us knows what they're talking about. Authority derives from behind the curtain that is defined by a hope that whomever is leading us knows what the hell they're doing. And suddenly, when we realize that they don't - that we're all lost - we can start forming our own vision of the world as we would prefer to see it.
That, along with ownership of the personal responsibility you mentioned, defines the difference between childhood and coming into ones own. I think the two are complimentary and I don't believe either revelation exists without the other.
I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…
I think you have a great defining moment here, but there is one other that is just as foundational in regards to solidifying ground upon which one can grow away from childhood - that in almost all cases, we're all lost and doing some rendition of our best. As a child we generally assume everyone "above" us knows what they're talking about. Authority derives from behind the curtain that is defined by a hope that whome…
I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Would it change the situation, if every time your husband receives a pay check, he gives you half or all of it? What about if both of you are independently wealthy and one of you decided to stay at home to take care of your children? What if the stay at home house wife has a profitable hobby which makes decent income? Or stay at home house wives can never be adults?
If you are independently wealthy you have your own money, no? You don't depend on the other person. But what you mentioned is interesting. Look at heirs of great fortunes. They either find something productive to do with their lives, or they stay basically children their whole lives and that often means trouble for them (not always though).
My wife certainly has a more independent personality than I do. I put more faith in her ability to recover if I got hit by a bus than I put in my own ability, were the situation reversed. People like her make me believe that there's a difference between "dependent by circumstance" and "dependent by nature", and experience tells me that neither of those are static qualities. Circumstances shift, and someone may grow or regress according to their environment and personality.