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Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

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Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hi there, I see you have experience with crazy women. I have an opening right now that sounds like a great fit!

More like... Hi there, saw your profile online and was very impressed. I see you're looking for brunettes in their thirties in Metro Boston. I have a blonde in St. Louis who is just a bit over 50 but who I think would be PERFECT for you. Call me ASAP.

This is actually real - see adds on porn sites and in your spam folder. Also, whoever sends/shows those ads has probably "saw your profile" just as likely as the IT recruiters do.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#52
post #27

Having just been back in the scene this past week, this is disturbingly accurate. I'm 41. I'm surprised by the number of women that are still on the site from the last time I went through this 5 years ago. I have a large profile, with a ton of hooks for conversation, and yet the number of girls I talk to on there either don't want to or can't be bothered to ask a question. And unfortunately, the one that does, I have…

I'm surprised by the number of women that are still on the site from the last time I went through this 5 years ago.

Some sites have been known to retain profiles from members that have since quit...all as a marketing tactic.

If you were to actually respond to one, you'll get silence on your side but the now-gone user will get a "hey, someone is interested in you, come back!" teaser.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#53
post #37
post #8

I wonder if it's just me or does the complaint concerns mostly oc cupid, which is very data obsessed. For example Tinder, a far more successful online dating tool seems to be much much simpler in purpose and not suffering from those problems. In other words - I think it's specific to data obsessed nerds take on online dating and not the problem with online dating at all :-)

I don't think Tinder is very effective. Most guys swipe right on everyone, meaning girls make the first choice, then guys select from those that they mutually matched with, to start a conversation. That's the summary. Still, it's like the first iteration of the Stable Marriage algorithm :)

Just like in real life. How could it be different?

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#54
post #27

Having just been back in the scene this past week, this is disturbingly accurate. I'm 41. I'm surprised by the number of women that are still on the site from the last time I went through this 5 years ago. I have a large profile, with a ton of hooks for conversation, and yet the number of girls I talk to on there either don't want to or can't be bothered to ask a question. And unfortunately, the one that does, I have…

My experience of online dating taught me one thing: you have to actually meet someone in person before you ever really know what they're like. If you can just enjoy that -- the novelty of meeting a new person - then whatever happens, dating can still be an interesting and less-painful experience.

The best advice I ever got seems illogical and is barely workable. ("Love always happens when you're not looking for it.") But maybe dating is just something we do to fill the hours while we're waiting...

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#55

Ask HN: Who is single?

I... don't see HN as being a decent dating service. My guess is that the demographics align to the average engineering / CS program, which does not bode well for the vast majority of people trying to get a date. Of course, for the women among us, the Georgia Tech mantra applies - the odds are good, but the goods are odd. (Currently taken, with a girlfriend who says "Yes dear" when I start talking about anything compu…

> I... don't see HN as being a decent dating service.

Unless you're in the valley.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#56
post #12

As a single late 40-something, I found myself chuckling in agreement with all the main points of this really well written article. The online dating process, to me at least, falls somewhere between setting myself on fire with lighter fluid and posting cat vids (well, anything really) on Facebook. I tried it a few years back and very quickly realized it just wasn't for me and didn't fit my personality worth a damn. It…

> every women I did meet online immediately ran background checks Are you serious? Women actually run background checks on dates? I don't know where to begin with my questions. Did you tell the women about your background, or they just do it on everyone? What company or service does these checks? Don't they have to get authorization from you to do a check? Wouldn't this be expensive? Is this something typical in the…

They do this for their own safety. It might not be fair if what is in someone's background check doesn't reflect who they are today. They may be truly remorseful for red flags that show up. But then again, they may not, and the woman just saved themselves the trouble of gambling on someone with a record.

They don't have to get authorization from you if the records are public. And it seems like a small price to pay for safety.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#57
I'd love to say that things are any more pleasant for gay people, but I dare say it's the worst of both worlds: Most of the messages you receive are poorly written, by guys looking for a one-night hook-up rather than to start any sort of meaningful relationship (like the women endure in this story). At the same time, because most of the guys in the world are attracted to women, the potential dating pool is tiny (like the men endure in this story).

Or maybe I'm just doing it wrong. I'm 26 and never even been on a date, so that could be it too.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#58
The replies on this article, and on others I've seen about the topic of online dating before, give me the impression that somehow everybody here only uses the 'free' online dating services. In my experience there's a huge difference in the efficiency of dating sites where everybody can sign up for free (even if they need to pay up later to actually get in touch with someone), and dating sites that only allow paying members.

When I was still dating online I've used multiple different sites, and the experience was always perfectly aligned with the the article (which by the way was very enjoyable to read, mostly because it was so recognizable, but also because it's well-written and witty).

That was, until I decided to sign up for a paid-members-only online dating site. All of a sudden all the profiles seemed so much more truthful and realistic. Women would actually respond to my messages, if only to politely let me know they were not interested. I would regularly receive unsolicited messages from women, often because they liked things about my profile text, which almost never happened on the free sites even though I used the exact same text. Within less than a year I met my current girlfriend who I've been with for 2 years now, and surprise: like many of the other women on that site she's a perfectly normal person who didn't feel the need to stuff and fluff her online profile like everyone seems to do on 'free' online dating services.

Moral of the story: there's plenty of opportunity to find someone online, if you look in the right places. Don't expect to have a lot of success on the free websites though, there's so much noise in the profiles on these sites that the whole concept of writing something about yourself and sending messages falls apart. Half of the profiles on these sites are fake or abandoned anyway.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#59
post #27

Having just been back in the scene this past week, this is disturbingly accurate. I'm 41. I'm surprised by the number of women that are still on the site from the last time I went through this 5 years ago. I have a large profile, with a ton of hooks for conversation, and yet the number of girls I talk to on there either don't want to or can't be bothered to ask a question. And unfortunately, the one that does, I have…

> you'll message a girl, and ask a question. She'll respond with the answer, and that's it.

this. Most of the interactions I’ve had go something like… “I see you like [some author that we both like], have you read [an older book or something related]?”

“No.”

“…”

I’m left with the impression that we’re in the middle of a massive societal shift whose rules are still being written, and by the time it all gets sorted out we’ll be too old for it to matter.

Re: Clicking for Love – The Curious, Odious, Hilarious World of Online Dating

#60
post #27

Having just been back in the scene this past week, this is disturbingly accurate. I'm 41. I'm surprised by the number of women that are still on the site from the last time I went through this 5 years ago. I have a large profile, with a ton of hooks for conversation, and yet the number of girls I talk to on there either don't want to or can't be bothered to ask a question. And unfortunately, the one that does, I have…

Sounds like the girls are getting too much attention, and so are passively enjoying swatting flies more than enjoying the hunt for a match.

Actually answering questions takes a lot of effort when you're responding to 25 people in parallel. That you're even getting /any/ response is a testament to you, given that you're 41 and yet not looking for a "mom".

Anyway... As someone else suggested, it sounds like you need to get these girls out of the email-back-n-forth as fast as possible. e.g. "Hi, I see we have X in common. Want to meet up tomorrow for lunch?"

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