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Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

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Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#451

Post by webmaven »

pavel_lishin wrote: post #410
pm90 wrote: post #373

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> it's kinda taboo to say you wish you didn't have kids! I think you get the same feeling, a loss of freedoms, from any significant evolution in life. I think any society that has thrived has had some variation of this cultural trait. Its easy to see why: without lots of children the society would simply die out. This is a very nuanced point though. As a young, somewhat single developer, I'm incredibly grateful to wo…

> > it's kinda taboo to say you wish you didn't have kids! > I think any society that has thrived has had some variation of this cultural trait. I think in a lot of societies, having kids doesn't quite restrict your options as much as modern American society - prior to this century, you'd likely still live surrounded by family and a community who could help you with a lot of the childcare. You could drop the kids off…

Don't forget the unmarried, childless (ie. gay) uncle or aunt could pitch in occasionally as well.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#452

Post by webmaven »

mustacheemperor wrote: post #432
BowBun wrote: post #343

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think a lot of people can sympathize, but as you said, it's kinda taboo to say you wish you didn't have kids! I think you get the same feeling, a loss of freedoms, from any significant evolution in life. Leaving college: "I wish I could still go out drinking every other day and perform the best in my peer-circle" Getting to a more serious romantic stage in your relationship: "I wish I could still play video games a…

Simple fact is, having kids is gonna change your life, should you choose to have them. It seems like a lot of people in this thread are trying to hammer down a reality where this isn't a fact, but that won't change that every aspect of how your time is managed will revolve around a new focal point for 20 years or more. >And then having kids I take issue with the prevailing attitude that having kids should be a mandat…

I get especially happy, but why especially your own?

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#453

Post by webmaven »

This is quite an interesting discussion.

Has anyone here initially decided to not ever have kids (say, in their 20s) and then much later changed their minds (say, in their 40s or 50s)?

Alternatively, has anyone here simply put off having kids for a few decades and then had them?

How has that worked out for you, from both personal and career perspectives?

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#454

Post by analog31 »

shostack wrote: post #399
analog31 wrote: post #62

For me, some things are luck. I live 25 minutes from my workplace by bike. The kids get themselves to school. I never worked more than 8 hour days, and have a job where nobody really understands what I do (a unique skill area within the company), so I actually spend work time on maintaining my skills. There may be reasons why communities like mine, and less intense employers, are magnets for people with kids. A huge…

How did you find the mental energy to come up with a new business idea and what was your inspiration/idea?

It wasn't profound -- an improvement for an existing product. The idea came from suggestions made by users on a web forum. Since it's an electronic gadget that means a new design. It's a fairly specialized audio related device. What I needed to do was a circuit board design spin and prototyping stage, then a bunch of testing.

One good thing was that the effort could be broken into chunks, and interrupted. I didn't need the kind of "flow" that programmers often talk about.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#455

Post by shiven »

pm90 wrote: post #411
gtaylor wrote: post #403

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> That still doesn't change the points I've made, in that it is a huge tradeoff in lifestyle and one must be clear about that. This is the case for many life decisions. I don't see how this is a helpful addition to the conversation. * Move to another state? There will be big life implications. * Change careers? Ditto. * Go to college? * Go _back_ to school? * Spend loads of free time hacking away instead of getting o…

> It's just another decision with pros and cons. I can understand why some people here are so sensitive about this particular topic. Anyways, no, it is definitely NOT the same as any of the decisions you mentioned above. Having another HUMAN BEING is a commitment of ginormous proportions. You are responsible for raising a kid, for being there when they need you the most, through teenage phase, and (luckily? hopefully…

But please don't try to convince people its all flowers and unicorns.

Oh my! No way! More like tantrums, stinky diapers, strongly curtailed freedoms, opportunity costs and grey hair and/or hair loss.

But I can count at least 12 other "irreversible" life choices a person could make that will lead to more or less similar results. So, there's that.

Each person needs to make this decision for themselves, but once you do, you are in it for the rest of your foreseeable future. If you can't make that kind of commitment, for whatever reason, stay the -eff away!

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#456

Post by webmaven »

johnwheeler wrote: post #383

I'm 38 with three kids: 2 year old twins and a 5 year old. During that time, I've done a lot on my own, and I feel I've had more than enough time to accomplish more. I've taught myself Swift and Cocoa: https://github.com/johnwheeler/CocoaProgramming released open source frameworks: https://github.com/johnwheeler/flask-ask https://github.com/johnwheeler/flask-live-starter and have had plenty of time to pursue interest…

What is your perspective on having kids a bit later in life than most?

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#457

Post by webmaven »

yawz wrote: post #364

(I've a 6 year-old son, and I've been in software development for more than 20 years). As a general principle, it's all about "priorities", and "how bad you want it?". Most of us have time for things other than work and family (unless, of course, you're a single parent trying to juggle 2 jobs, etc.) Instead of listening to music during commute, one can listen to professional podcasts or talks (youtube to mp3 is great…

Are you in your 40s, or did you start developing software in your teens?

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#458

Post by foo101 »

shiven wrote: post #455
pm90 wrote: post #411

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's just another decision with pros and cons. I can understand why some people here are so sensitive about this particular topic. Anyways, no, it is definitely NOT the same as any of the decisions you mentioned above. Having another HUMAN BEING is a commitment of ginormous proportions. You are responsible for raising a kid, for being there when they need you the most, through teenage phase, and (luckily? hopefully…

But please don't try to convince people its all flowers and unicorns. Oh my! No way! More like tantrums, stinky diapers, strongly curtailed freedoms, opportunity costs and grey hair and/or hair loss. But I can count at least 12 other "irreversible" life choices a person could make that will lead to more or less similar results. So, there's that. Each person needs to make this decision for themselves, but once you do,…

Can you provide us a list of those 12 other irreversible life choices that you can count? I am genuinely cuious to know what other such life choices are there that I need to be careful about.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#459

Post by webmaven »

bshimmin wrote: post #177
caseysoftware wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This. PG wrote a post a while back about how kids really only have the magic of Christmas a handful of times (ages 3-11?) and then it's gone. When you're making choices, realize there will always be another framework, another conference, another chance to try out that new tool but your kid is constantly changing, learning, and is fundamentally different today, tomorrow, and a week from now, especially when they're yo…

OK, I'm completely baffled by this. Am I the only one who thinks taking your young children on a conference call is somewhere between totally unprofessional and, well, very annoying? I get that your children are your priority - but surely they shouldn't be the priority of everyone else on that call? Is the work at hand not the priority? My 3 year old makes a lot of noise and is quite prone to tantrums. Some of my cli…

> OK, I'm completely baffled by this. Am I the only one who thinks taking your young children on a conference call is somewhere between totally unprofessional and, well, very annoying?

Probably not, but I usually don't mind. For that matter, the gloss of "professionalism" is highly overrated (I'll take empathy plus moral, ethical, and responsible conduct over "it's just business" type "professionalism" any day of the week).

Of course, it does depend on the behavior of the kid in question. I would expect a parent whose kid is disrupting the meeting to excuse themselves, or at least mute the mike on their end. That goes double for pets.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#460

Post by webmaven »

simonswords82 wrote: post #309
caseysoftware wrote: post #266

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My two year old is super chill and rarely makes a sound. If he does, I give him a clicky pen and he's set for another 5-10 minutes. If I open a cartoon on Youtube (muted), it buys me another 5-10 minutes. I get your concern but it's a non-issue here. Edit: Thinking more about this.. If my team was deeply offended by this, I don't want to work there. My boys are important to me and if they're not willing to accept tha…

Your boys will feel fucked up and unloved because you don't invite them on to your teleconferences?

No, it's because suddenly their parent is ignoring them for no reason they can understand.
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