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Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

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Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#361

Post by jbattle »

daxfohl wrote: post #311

All the responses here indicate the same "la dee da having kids is so wonderful that you don't even miss the other stuff." Fuck that. I have kids and I totally miss being able to stay up all night working on stuff and exploring new technologies, feeling like the world is going on without me. Don't get me wrong, I'm a passable dad, spend as much time with kids as possible, take them out to libraries and parks and try…

There's a pretty powerful and largely unspoken cultural norm to present yourself as happy, motivated and fulfilled. I'm not sure if it's a US thing or a universal thing. Those are all good things indeed, and good to aim for. But ... some days/some weeks/some months/some years ... life is not fun, is demotivating, and is a grind.

You aren't the only one for sure

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#362

Post by shiven »

randlet wrote: post #354
NetStrikeForce wrote: post #346

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Whatever happens, the message is that it's not as important as what happens on the conference call.

I think you misunderstand. There is obviously another caregiver looking after them. I can't have a 24 hour open door policy with my kids while I'm working from home, just the same as anyone who works in an office.

Then it is perfectly reasonable to have a closed door for calls. However, even in that case, I would not mind an interruption or two during the call. Any more though, I'd start questioning the role of the caregiver.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#363

Post by jdauriemma »

I started my development career when my wife was five months pregnant. She's an OBGYN, which means I'm de facto responsible for most domestic responsibilities. My son is at daycare or with grandma during business hours. I mostly keep up by managing my time during business hours responsibly and taking opportunities to read and do side projects when my wife is on call or working late. Bedtimes and naptimes are my friend. It's working out very well - I feel like I'm staying current and learning new skills regularly while still being the primary caregiver for my child.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#364

Post by yawz »

(I've a 6 year-old son, and I've been in software development for more than 20 years).

As a general principle, it's all about "priorities", and "how bad you want it?".

Most of us have time for things other than work and family (unless, of course, you're a single parent trying to juggle 2 jobs, etc.)

Instead of listening to music during commute, one can listen to professional podcasts or talks (youtube to mp3 is great).

Instead of watching TV you can read a book or program.

Instead of spending time on sites like Hacker News (I'm not trying to be cute) you can spend that time on your higher priorities.

I think we all have time for our top priorities. It's just a matter of reordering that list.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#365

Post by shiven »

BowBun wrote: post #343
daxfohl wrote: post #311

All the responses here indicate the same "la dee da having kids is so wonderful that you don't even miss the other stuff." Fuck that. I have kids and I totally miss being able to stay up all night working on stuff and exploring new technologies, feeling like the world is going on without me. Don't get me wrong, I'm a passable dad, spend as much time with kids as possible, take them out to libraries and parks and try…

I think a lot of people can sympathize, but as you said, it's kinda taboo to say you wish you didn't have kids! I think you get the same feeling, a loss of freedoms, from any significant evolution in life. Leaving college: "I wish I could still go out drinking every other day and perform the best in my peer-circle" Getting to a more serious romantic stage in your relationship: "I wish I could still play video games a…

Nailed it.

Perspective is what it's about. Your kids won't be the same in a few years, neither will you and nor the world. Take care of your health while doing all that you do and you'll get back to doing the other things that you miss doing or would love to do.

It won't kill you, or your career, if you miss out on a shitty framework or two.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#366

Post by NDizzle »

I have 3 kids - 11, 6, 4. After my third kid was born I fled the bay area.

Find a good school system that is nearby. I have 10 years worth of schooling 3 blocks away. (pre-k through 8th grade)

Work from home. If you get rid of your commute you open up a lot of possibilities.

Have patience. Meditate and stretch often.

And finally - avoid javascript! You can't keep up with javascript.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#367

Post by YCode »

I have a two year old; basically my at home coding time begins when he goes to bed/naps.

Beyond that it's the two of us playing and very little computer time.

You can still ponder the problems and consider solutions in between reading books and playing cars. Sometimes it's a more effective method than staring at the screen.

But don't expect to get much of anything done at first. That's okay.

You can always catch up on trends, but those first parenting experiences are a once in a lifetime opportunity and the window of time when you are a superhero to your child is fleeting.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#368

Post by mti27 »

Green boxes? Github graph?! Well heck I guess since the corporate dweebs weren't able to turn our craft into a commodity, we'll just have to do it for them. Yes, with kids you won't have as much time to hack around at the end of the day. But three generations from now everything you ever coded will be long forgotten, so kids are the better investment. (Pop quiz hotshot, do you know what your great-great grandfather did for a living?) On the practical matter of the original question, early to bed, early to rise...

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#369

Post by 0xdeadbeefbabe »

> There won't be many green boxes in your account once you have a kid

Maybe your colleague meant it in a negative way, but it could be taken as a positive statement too. You could take it as something like, "your kids will teach you to focus in a way you never have before."

It seems plausible that constraints make for greater creativity, so long as they aren't too constraining.

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