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Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

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Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#171
post #31

With kids, my commute is my 'me time'. And nearly only me time. Once home I am a human trampoline. :) I hack away for an hour each way, especially on my home journeys. I actually appreciate the long train journey. Thankfully it is all one journey without changes. And train delays once I am on the train I don't actually mind. Though I go first class so I have a guaranteed seat with table and comfort. Otherwise, I'd be…

One thing with having kids and therefore very little spare time is that now I really understand and appreciate the value of focus and doing things straight away. No postponing and dragging things out in my private life as well.

I no longer add paragraphs to potential blog posts over a long time. Blogs have to be published as a draft the day I get the idea. Otherwise, over time my opinion changes and the post would be rewritten over and over again and then inspirations dwindles to another mothballed blog idea.

The same goes for hobby projects though with a slightly longer time frame. I force myself to concentrate on only one project and insist on reaching at least some sort of basic MVP before I jump onto the next shiny thing. On my http://code.flurdy.com some projects have a demo site, others where I lost focus do not.

Essentially these same principles are important at work as well :)

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#173
I'm significantly worse in my job than what I remember from before I had kids. What I miss most was the "deep thinking" mode that I used to get into, when you think about a problem for days on end, and solutions and ideas start popping in your head while you're in the proverbial shower. This rarely happens to me nowadays - the life I have outside of work scrubs my mind clean like a metal brush the second I step into my home. Especially over weekends. I frequently joke about it, but there's more than a grain of truth to it - on Monday mornings I try to remember what was it that I'm working on.

I still think I made the right decision, mind you. I believe having kids and taking care of them is the right thing to do, and will be the most important thing I've done with my life in 10-20 years when a successfully delivered build or a Metacritic point here or there wouldn't mean shit. I just don't want to fool myself or anyone else that my job performance hasn't suffered.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#174

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I totally agree with your story. So to keep up with technology is that I sometimes switch from customer (if you have the chance), then you will automically learn new things. Whether they are old or new technologies. Another thing is try to follow sometimes courses, seminars (hard- and soft skill), during working hours preferably. Then it won't affect your private time. And if I have time when my 3 kids are in bed, an…

In a personal yet not entirely unrelated note, thanks for taking over my brain-sucking gig at Philips back in the days :D

Also in this case I've learned a lot from switching.....and then I switched again ;)

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#176

One of the many great things about children, if you're not a total heartless bastard of course, is that having them really sharpens your mind as to what's important and what's not. Most of these things the HN crowd obsesses over are shit, and the things that replace those things will also be shit, and the thing you make with those things--even if it makes you fabulously wealthy--will also be shit, and if you don't be…

Best reply as I am concerned. I have a "ToLearn" list that keeps getting longer and longer as I struggle to have some quality time where I can learn and really comprehend stuff AFTER putting my 4 year old daughter to sleep- i too have to stay with her till she is asleep- often with me also going to nap... When I am getting stressed and mad about all those constraints I picture the sweet moments with the knowledge, th…

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Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#177

One of the many great things about children, if you're not a total heartless bastard of course, is that having them really sharpens your mind as to what's important and what's not. Most of these things the HN crowd obsesses over are shit, and the things that replace those things will also be shit, and the thing you make with those things--even if it makes you fabulously wealthy--will also be shit, and if you don't be…

This. PG wrote a post a while back about how kids really only have the magic of Christmas a handful of times (ages 3-11?) and then it's gone. When you're making choices, realize there will always be another framework, another conference, another chance to try out that new tool but your kid is constantly changing, learning, and is fundamentally different today, tomorrow, and a week from now, especially when they're yo…

OK, I'm completely baffled by this. Am I the only one who thinks taking your young children on a conference call is somewhere between totally unprofessional and, well, very annoying? I get that your children are your priority - but surely they shouldn't be the priority of everyone else on that call? Is the work at hand not the priority?

My 3 year old makes a lot of noise and is quite prone to tantrums. Some of my clients are also quite prone to tantrums. Combining the two seems like a recipe for disaster!

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#178

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So what you're saying is "you don't. People with children will not be as good". Great. That means I should not feel bad about any hypothetical statistics that show parents paid less than non-parents. You're saying parents are, on average, statistically, not as useful as non-parents to a company.

No, he is just saying that he does not have to worry about being as good. It is just a choice. I do not have children but I do not want to spend much time learning outside of my work. But some parents like to learn outside of work. He does not cite any statistics either so you are making a lot of shortcuts.

> No, he is just saying that he does not have to worry about being as good. It is just a choice.

Also, being "good" isn't simply a function of whether you've read up on the latest tech fad. A lot of the stuff we chase is an incremental improvement (and in some cases a step backwards).

Parenting also helps practice empathy, which is an severely underrated skill in technology circles.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#179

One of the many great things about children, if you're not a total heartless bastard of course, is that having them really sharpens your mind as to what's important and what's not. Most of these things the HN crowd obsesses over are shit, and the things that replace those things will also be shit, and the thing you make with those things--even if it makes you fabulously wealthy--will also be shit, and if you don't be…

Best comment I've read on here since I don't know when. Well said.

Re: Ask HN: Developers with kids, how do you skill up?

#180

One of the many great things about children, if you're not a total heartless bastard of course, is that having them really sharpens your mind as to what's important and what's not. Most of these things the HN crowd obsesses over are shit, and the things that replace those things will also be shit, and the thing you make with those things--even if it makes you fabulously wealthy--will also be shit, and if you don't be…

This. PG wrote a post a while back about how kids really only have the magic of Christmas a handful of times (ages 3-11?) and then it's gone. When you're making choices, realize there will always be another framework, another conference, another chance to try out that new tool but your kid is constantly changing, learning, and is fundamentally different today, tomorrow, and a week from now, especially when they're yo…

I have two kids, and I love the time I spend with them. My life's goal at the moment is "Have a good time with my kids and teach them the good stuff". There is this song "Cat's in the Cradle" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat's_in_the_Cradle which I really love. It shows the pitfalls of living a fast life.

Pasting the lyrics here (http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/harrychapin/catsinthecradle.h...) :

    "Cat's In The Cradle"

    My child arrived just the other day
    He came to the world in the usual way
    But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
    He learned to walk while I was away
    And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
    He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, Dad
    You know I'm gonna be like you"

    And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
    Little boy blue and the man on the moon
    When you comin' home, Dad
    I don't know when, but we'll get together then
    You know we'll have a good time then

    My son turned ten just the other day
    He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
    Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
    I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
    And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
    And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
    You know I'm gonna be like him"

    And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
    Little boy blue and the man on the moon
    When you comin' home, Dad
    I don't know when, but we'll get together then
    You know we'll have a good time then

    Well, he came from college just the other day
    So much like a man I just had to say
    "Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while"
    He shook his head and said with a smile
    "What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
    See you later, can I have them please"

    And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
    Little boy blue and the man on the moon
    When you comin' home son
    I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Dad
    You know we'll have a good time then

    I've long since retired, my son's moved away
    I called him up just the other day
    I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
    He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
    You see my new job's a hassle and the kids have the flu
    But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
    It's been sure nice talking to you"

    And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
    He'd grown up just like me
    My boy was just like me

    And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
    Little boy blue and the man in the moon
    When you comin' home son
    I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Dad
    We're gonna have a good time then
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