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Sex is going out of fashion?

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Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#191

Post by lotsofpulp »

mcv wrote: post #140
ptero wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People in their 20s having their own digs is, I think, a decidedly American phenomenon. In most of the poorer parts of the world (including, for example, Central and Eastern Europe), 30+ years ago younger crowd managed to have sex just fine, using dorm rooms, snatching time while parents were away, etc. My 2c.

Aren't we talking about people in their 20s? You seem to be describing teenagers. For people in their 20s, it's always been quite normal to have a job, a home, and, at some point during their 20s, to get married.

I think that was a phenomenon relatively unique to US/Canada in post WW2 decades up until maybe the 90s.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#192

Post by orangepurple »

l5870uoo9y wrote: post #189
orangepurple wrote: post #75

95% of Tinder swipes by women are passes compared to 47% for men. Women tend to date up. Online dating apps are rigged for men. These apps are search engines optimized to match women with the top 5% of men. These apps are designed for women. Being average or even above average will almost never result in a date. Tinder was designed like a slot machine which will ruin your self-esteem from constant rejection but your…

While I agree that the matching experience is completely different for men and women, I think (many) women find them just as disappointing (and abusive) as men. Tinder pressures women to expose themselves to strangers who primarily are looking for sex and will just swipe if they aren't satisfied. Is there even anybody who wouldn't be positively affected by some limitation on sexualised content and online dating?

I completely agree with you. It can be difficult to find meaningful long term relationships on Tinder for women as well. There is no denying that. I think the chances are best with a cold approach or a warm introduction.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#193

Post by mavhc »

orangepurple wrote: post #121
Gravityloss wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How does an average woman find the process?

I don't know. I will speculate that they will go on dates with attractive men but because the top tier of men by appearance attract so many women there is little incentive to stay in a long term relationship for the man. If this is true then there is a very narrow middle ground between the extremes which could explain why fewer meaningful relationships are formed via online dating relative to a cold approach.

So you have a grand universal theory about dating apps, but have never talked to any women about their experiences with them?

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#194

Post by the_only_law »

justaman wrote: post #125
orangepurple wrote: post #75

95% of Tinder swipes by women are passes compared to 47% for men. Women tend to date up. Online dating apps are rigged for men. These apps are search engines optimized to match women with the top 5% of men. These apps are designed for women. Being average or even above average will almost never result in a date. Tinder was designed like a slot machine which will ruin your self-esteem from constant rejection but your…

Apps that introduce scarcity are the best at matching. Bumble and Hinge only let you "heart" three people a day(unless you pay). Certainly as a woman there is a sense of scarcity in cold approaching. An attractive woman may have one man flirt with her and ask her on a date once per day.

I had to delete Bumble as the app repeatedly told me a photo of myself wasn't me, meanwhile I could upload a black square and it would take it days to flag it.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#195

Post by chrismarlow9 »

criddell wrote: post #160
chrismarlow9 wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Podcasts changed the game for me on this. Now there are entire days where I never turn the TV on. A bonus is that I can get basic chores done while listening or workout. It really freed me from the couch potato routine. A bonus is that many of them are educational and released weekly, so "binge" isn't really an option. There are certainly "junk food" podcasts that I listen to but the ratio of informative to junk comp…

So are you saying it isn't TV that has ruined your sex life, it's podcasts?

>sex life

What is this "sex life" you speak of? (haha).

On a serious note they helped me learn to be content with being alone or at least not worry about "looking" for it via dating apps, and I would say not playing that game (dating apps) is what is "ruining" my sex life (or lack of).

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#196

Post by [deleted] »

sph wrote: post #8
bigbacaloa wrote: post #4

Puritanism has returned.

Both that and online porn has ruined us. It is an major epidemic that is still under the radar for how massive it is, in my opinion. And it's sad, because sex is very fun and porn is a very poor approximation of the real thing.

[deleted]

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#197

Post by psyc »

natly wrote: post #27

The comments in this thread and this article is making me want to read HN less. (What a crazy incorrect take for most of the population.)

Reading HN almost always makes me want to read HN less, but you’re right. I have no idea what most of this thread is on about. I’m hoping it’s just my age (40s). Almost nothing in this thread resembles any subset of my total sex life.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#198

Post by CodeSgt »

lotsofpulp wrote: post #180
CodeSgt wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Obviously, everyone prefers the real thing to porn. That makes intuitive sense, but is far from the reality. Many men, even in otherwise healthy relationships, prefer porn. Again I really wish more data was collected on this but anecdotally I've seen hundreds on online discussions from both women who are concerned about their partner and declining sex life and from men who want to quit using porn to better service…

I think what I am trying to convey is that it is not an addiction like nicotine, caffeine, alcohol, heroine, where the brain wants the substance itself. With porn, it is the brain making a cost benefit calculation that putting in the effort for the real thing is not worth the cost relative to cost/benefit ratio of porn. As in do I make all the effort to get my wife in the mood, or do I open a website and be done with…

I understand what you're trying to convey and I'm sorry but it's just not true.

Brain scans show the pathways for porn addiction are very similar to those found in cocain and amphetamine addicts. Perhaps this is true for you, but don't discredit porn addiction as not a "real addiction" when it's an established fact that it is one on par with substance abuse.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#199

Post by orangepurple »

spacemanmatt wrote: post #170
pwdisswordfish9 wrote: post #159

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, back then unattractive men couldn’t even form a community.

To be sure, it's a ridiculous way to align a community today. Evidence: The ridicule.

Disenfranchised social groups form support groups to cope.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#200

Post by wnolens »

atlasunshrugged wrote: post #177
benj111 wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Speaking as not the most attractive guy in the world, and also a prior user of dating apps. I don't think it's as one sided as you make out. Yes women probably want to trade up, but so do men but then if you actually want a relationship those things aren't really important so it's more a case of filtering the dross to find someone who actually wants a relationship. I'm not sure that would be easier as an 'attractive'…

I'll second this comment- I'm definitely not in the top quartile of men in terms of attractiveness but on Hinge I regularly get dates, in no small part to being able to write messages when liking. Tinder and Bumble are meat markets, definitely, but Hinge (and probably others, I haven't tried that many more) do work with some effort put into crafting a thoughtful introduction message.

Jumping on here too. It's a lot of work, and can feel demoralizing.. but at the end of the day I go on way more dates than I ever did without apps.

I attribute it to being able to display more about myself in a quick snapshot for women to peruse. Rather than just see my average face, they get the sense from my profile that I am interesting.

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