The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

Socializing is always draining. I enjoy being around other people and I enjoy socializing, I like going to parties and meeting people and whatever else, but it's extremely tiring for me. No matter how much I like the person it's with, I'll be exhausted afterwards and I'll need a lot of time in solitude and isolation to get all that energy back.

It has nothing to do with how much peace a person brings me. Being social to any degree takes energy and I need to be alone to get that energy back.

That's introversion. Not "I don't like people".

This is a grass is always greener take, and definitely not true.

"because our modern Western society values extraversion more"

Everybody throughout humanity has valued extraversion more. This isn't something new. Humans are social creatures and people that are more social will be more successful at life. This will never change.

"introverts are bad and need to grow up"

This isn't necessarily the case. However, introverts need to figure out how to navigate the world, even when they aren't interested in socializing.

I've worked with lots of introverts (I am a mix of both introvert and extrovert) in tech and it usually goes along with passive aggressive behavior (because introverts usually don't like confrontation) and other behavior that makes collaboration (which is needed in almost all business settings) a nightmare.

"Psst, there's a quiet room with a coffee maker if you're feeling exhausted or overwhelmed. Want me to show you the way?" and then not another word.

If I'm overwhelmed at a social event, I need at least half an hour of quiet time. Putting me on the spot at all just makes things worse.

(And if I'm not overwhelmed, I know how to play the part for at most 3 hours in a day, so you probably won't notice.)

If you’re a manager it’s literally part of the job. Asking how people are doing isn’t useless small talk, your job is to keep an eye out for things that might be hindering the effectiveness of your team so that you can catch problems early and respond to them. “How are you doing” suddenly becomes a serious and interesting question with real ramifications.

Theres a common misconception that extroverts don’t like people or are not interested in people. We do and we are. Just in a different way. Every introvert has had a best friend, maybe a lover, maybe someone they were just comfortable talking with. The problem is that most social interactions feel shallow, banal and pointless. But I think that’s only before you look at it deeply.

Buried deep in each stranger is the potential to be a best friend, a lover, a future colleague, a business partner, or just someone who teaches you something important about an interesting thing you’ve never thought to study.

Your task as the introverted traveler is leave the door open enough to connect with each person enough to get at the deeply interesting stuff inside. Who are you and what makes you tick? What lights you up? What interest or knowledge do you have that I might find compelling?

I assure you everyone has something even if they don’t know it. Approaching each social interaction with the faith that something important can be discovered is the introverts path to benefits of extroverted behavior.

You’re welcome. You can thank me later when you meet me in person, but only if you’re able to figure out through conversation that I was the one who provided you this gem.