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The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

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Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#101

Post by pizza234 »

kstrauser wrote: post #86

I regularly say yes to work dinners and such that I don’t personally want to attend. That sort of thing is far outside my comfort zone, and that’s exactly why I do it. It’s good exercise to pretend to be outgoing and chatty for an evening. Like any other skill, you get better at it with practice! And the author here is so right: almost everyone else at these things besides the salespeople are probably also introverts…

As a person who was very introvert at social gatherings, and the polar opposite now, I'm now convinced that being extrovert is not a skill or an "area" (outside the comfort zone), but rather a state of mind.

It's certainly an art and a science to be a good conversationalist, but being in that certain state of mind is "a lot %" of what's needed, and it actually takes no energy or comfort - although as other state, natural introverts enjoy this state for a certain amount of time. It can also take a lot to "get there", though.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#102

Post by XorNot »

rors wrote: post #44

I feel like a lot of these debates boil down dealing with discomfort. We seem to be creating a society where everyone feels they have the right to not feeling stressed and uncomfortable. The danger to never feeling challenged is that you don't grow. You get stuck in a rut and everyone passes you by. Part of dealing with discomfort is learning what your limits are. No one should put themselves in a situation with you…

This is the sort of take that just sounds entitled, because the person giving it is doing so from a position of not having discomfort created for them by the actions of someone else.

Like let's put this in context: replace "being an introvert" for "your friend flies you out to the forest, and then happily announces we're going to be hiking 20 km back to town. You really need to challenge yourself!"

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#103

Post by lukan »

mrweasel wrote: post #66
kubb wrote: post #13

It’s quite treacherous to identify yourself with labels: introvert, extrovert, conscientious, conservative, liberal, empathetic, neurodivergent, etc. The act of putting a name on some traits that you have can seem liberating: I finally know what I am, and why I’m different from others, and that’s fine. On the flipside, once you commit to a label, you lock yourself inside it, and instead of describing, it begins shapi…

I think that one of the major issues is that people will use certain labels to help justifying behaving in a certain way, or avoid specific tasks and situations. E.g. a ton of people hate talking on the phone, for reasons that are beyond me, and they will justify this is being introvert or having some sort of social anxiety, while at the same time being outgoing and extroverted in pretty much every other situation. A…

I hate talking on the phone, because of the missing body language and often bad lossy connections/bad microphones.

Video calls I also almost never enjoyed, but maybe also because of technical reasons.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#104

Post by someothherguyy »

kubb wrote: post #13

It’s quite treacherous to identify yourself with labels: introvert, extrovert, conscientious, conservative, liberal, empathetic, neurodivergent, etc. The act of putting a name on some traits that you have can seem liberating: I finally know what I am, and why I’m different from others, and that’s fine. On the flipside, once you commit to a label, you lock yourself inside it, and instead of describing, it begins shapi…

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labeling_theory

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attribution_bias

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#105

Post by jexe »

These labels do as much to hurt ourselves as they do to try and help.

The truth (for me at least) is that whether I'm comfortable and energized by others depends on my level of comfort with the people, my familiarity with the situation, my mood, the general vibe, etc.

"Being" one or the other feels like a limiting belief that we can hide behind if we're not aware of what it's doing to us.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#106

Post by jfengel »

neofrommatrix wrote: post #74
SecretDreams wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Extroverts don't understand this concept of limited capacity for socialization. I think there's gotta be a middle ground where someverts are more tolerant of socializing for long periods of time. It still becomes draining, but they don't have some terrible allergic reaction. More like just mild sneezing!

It’s a spectrum - most of us are ambiverts.

I'm not convinced it's a single dimension, either. I suspect it's less a spectrum and more of a blotch.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#107

Post by shermantanktop »

neofrommatrix wrote: post #74
SecretDreams wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Extroverts don't understand this concept of limited capacity for socialization. I think there's gotta be a middle ground where someverts are more tolerant of socializing for long periods of time. It still becomes draining, but they don't have some terrible allergic reaction. More like just mild sneezing!

It’s a spectrum - most of us are ambiverts.

The whole concept of *verts is an early 20th century psychological concept from an era which produced practices and ideas which are now mostly antiquated.

It has become pop psychology and never had much meaning.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#108

Post by markeroon »

vouaobrasil wrote: post #9

One thing to me is fairly obvious: people who are introverts can be social, but only for limited amounts of time. For example, I like talking a lot, but I can only do it for limited amounts of time. Maybe only a few hours a week. If I'm pushed past that point, I just don't want to chat any more. It's like I'm full of food, but with socialization. After that I find socialization immensely distasteful and irritating. T…

> Extroverts don't understand this concept of limited capacity for socialization.

Othering >50% of your audience isn’t the best way to make a point, and plenty of extroverts understand this concept perfectly well (myself as an example).

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#109

Post by hollerith »

shermantanktop wrote: post #107
neofrommatrix wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s a spectrum - most of us are ambiverts.

The whole concept of *verts is an early 20th century psychological concept from an era which produced practices and ideas which are now mostly antiquated. It has become pop psychology and never had much meaning.

The field of personality psychology continues to believe it has meaning: extraversion is a factor in the five-factor model.

Re: The trap of "I am not an extrovert"

#110

Post by rukuu001 »

nothrabannosir wrote: post #87
bluefirebrand wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

All of your advice is for shy people, not introverts Being an introvert is not the same as being shy, and it is long past time that people stop conflating the two concepts You cannot "fix" being an introvert by practicing being social

could you humor me and exPlain why you think this? I’m neither shy nor introverted and I have only a casual understanding of either. If I take their comment literally, I guess the only part I would see being different is “it will feel liberating.” But aside from that I do support the advice of people going out of their comfort zone, even if they hate it. I read GPs advice as “go to the social gym.” For some people th…

Shy == social situations are scary

Introvert == social situations are strenuous

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