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I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

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Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#121

Post by dracht »

varjag wrote: post #106
fpgaminer wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's often hard for men to understand the societal pressure placed on women to be accommodating and not be rude and how this can be manipulated to constrain female agency in the world. Sorry, but I'm going to have to call out this statement as sexist. There are also several other strange "facts" being passed around in other comments which are similarly biased. To be clear, I'm not calling you sexist. In fact, I thi…

How many men end up kept in bunkers against their will by women?

How many women can physically dominate an average man?

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#122

Post by rosser »

facepalm wrote: post #115
shalmanese wrote: post #24

There's a moment in the pilot of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where the women are rescued from the bunker and put on a daytime talk show and Matt Lauer asks one of the women how she ended up in the bunker: "I had waited on Reverend Richard at a York Steak House I worked at, and one night he invited me out to his car to see some baby rabbits, and I didn’t want to be rude, so… here we are." And Matt Lauer responds: "I…

Um how is the "societal pressure" not to be rude different for women and men? In general people try not to be rude. Not only because of societal pressure, but also to avoid escalation of conflicts. What is different is that women get asked out a lot more than men, so maybe they are more often confronted with the task of rejecting somebody. There is no indication here that being rude would have prevented the stalking.

They are more often confronted with the task of rejecting somebody...

...who might attack them.

When your experience of "rejecting" someone includes having been subject to verbal, or even physical abuse, you learn very quickly to dissemble, dodge the question, and otherwise avoid confrontation.

Don't think it happens? Ask your girlfriend, or your sister, or any other woman in your life. After you've heard their stories, ask yourself if you'd start to behave differently around rejecting people, if you had to risk that kind of treatment.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#123

Post by klibertp »

Symbiote wrote: post #108
subinsebastien wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think she hates and sympathises with this guy at the same time. One could block someone on every single internet (or other) channels these days easily.

Victim blaming much? How would you so them from emailing your employer?

> How would you so them from emailing your employer?

My employer would show me the email, asked WTF and swiftly proceeded with legal action if applicable. My employer is there to make my life easier, and the fact that they do it in their best interest - the less time I spend on being stressed out, the more time and value I can contribute - makes me comfortable when asking for help.

But there may be a somewhat unusual level of trust between my employer and myself, maybe I'm just lucky to work at such a company.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#124

Post by joyeuse6701 »

I feel for this person. I recently had a stalker over the summer, a family friend whom I met at my sister's wedding. He had some sort of break down, declared me to be his lover, received my email via unwitting family members. Luckily someone had raised the alarm. Said stalked flew out of state fully expecting to find me and be with me. It did not happen, but I certainly was preparing for an altercation and was traumatized by every unexpected knock or ring at the door.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#125

Post by lovelearning »

striking wrote: post #49
SwellJoe wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My problem with that perspective is that the law is clear on the subject: It is a criminal matter, according to the cyberstalking statutes across the country. If police don't like the law, they probably shouldn't have chosen a career of enforcing the law. (Certainly there are unjust laws, and I would hope officers would choose to exhibit some sort of leniency or looking the other way in minor cases of those sorts...b…

They didn't snicker at her. They just didn't know how best to help her. I feel your characterization portrays officers as hateful when they're really often just misinformed. Again, just like you say, it's hard to find the right answer. And when you say you "rather they err on the side of protecting victims", there are too many people who could possibly be victims to protect. And how do you mean "protect" exactly? [Do…

"Loud snickering from my left. Is it him? asked the cop in front of me, flicking his thumb at his colleague giggling in the corner."

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#126

Post by anupamsr »

anupamsr wrote: post #112
shalmanese wrote: post #24

There's a moment in the pilot of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where the women are rescued from the bunker and put on a daytime talk show and Matt Lauer asks one of the women how she ended up in the bunker: "I had waited on Reverend Richard at a York Steak House I worked at, and one night he invited me out to his car to see some baby rabbits, and I didn’t want to be rude, so… here we are." And Matt Lauer responds: "I…

This is simply not true. The 'societal pressure' on women to be accommodating is the cost levied on women for being allowed to be judge and jury about how someone is treating them. To quote, 'with great power comes great responsibility'. By missing the power part of the equation, you are creating a victim of responsibility. In a world where women actually don't have to face any repercussion for being irresponsible, I…

The way I am getting down modded only proves that HN is mostly frequented by men. Only men enjoy looking at women as powerless entity with no agency.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#127

Post by jeppew »

varjag wrote: post #106
fpgaminer wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's often hard for men to understand the societal pressure placed on women to be accommodating and not be rude and how this can be manipulated to constrain female agency in the world. Sorry, but I'm going to have to call out this statement as sexist. There are also several other strange "facts" being passed around in other comments which are similarly biased. To be clear, I'm not calling you sexist. In fact, I thi…

How many men end up kept in bunkers against their will by women?

well to take your question a bit literally, men have quite a long history of being pressured into soldiering. First thing that hit my mind when i read your question: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_feather

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#128

Post by striking »

lovelearning wrote: post #125
striking wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They didn't snicker at her. They just didn't know how best to help her. I feel your characterization portrays officers as hateful when they're really often just misinformed. Again, just like you say, it's hard to find the right answer. And when you say you "rather they err on the side of protecting victims", there are too many people who could possibly be victims to protect. And how do you mean "protect" exactly? [Do…

"Loud snickering from my left. Is it him? asked the cop in front of me, flicking his thumb at his colleague giggling in the corner."

Got it. I missed that.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#129

Post by ryanlol »

btilly wrote: post #93
jsmthrowaway wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> And the police won't do anything until it turns violent. Try violating a restraining order taken out against you and see if you maintain that opinion. The behavior you describe as well as that of the article qualifies for seeking a restraining order, which this entire discussion seems to have forgotten is in existence. Once you have a EPO/TRO/PRO, then the police care when it is violated. A lot . It's easy for them…

Oh, she got specific advice about restraining orders. The specific advice was, "The point at which a stalker is likely to flip out is the point where it becomes obvious to the stalker that the attention is unwanted and the relationship can never work. There is a real possibility that the act of taking out a restraining order will trigger a murder-suicide." When you're dealing with insane people, you can't expect a sa…

At that point, why not just buy a gun and start going to a shooting range? Most US jurisdictions have a legal framework that enables you to kill others in self-defense.

I don't personally believe that anyone should have to do this, but I also believe that if you feel sufficiently threatened it'd be silly to ignore your legal right to self-defense.

Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12

#130

Post by misogyny101 »

shalmanese wrote: post #24

There's a moment in the pilot of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where the women are rescued from the bunker and put on a daytime talk show and Matt Lauer asks one of the women how she ended up in the bunker: "I had waited on Reverend Richard at a York Steak House I worked at, and one night he invited me out to his car to see some baby rabbits, and I didn’t want to be rude, so… here we are." And Matt Lauer responds: "I…

BS because: Man get conditioned from a very young age to get their sheet together and not let their life be steered by fear. And if they do. They are a fail. THIS is societal pressure.

Not being able to saying no just means she is weak. She gives absolutely no reason for her being unable to say no. Except that she would like to NOT confront that bad feeling she might have. And YOU coming here and talking about her being socially pushed is exactly the opposite. YOU/WE (Society) (except me) are helping her with making her story become viral to not be socially pushed, but socially comforted.

She has been socially comforted so much, that she has become unaccountable, unable to stand for herself.

Thats my I'm taking the counterpart. I'm actually helping them get what they want. All they have to do is work for it.

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