Is it weird that when I saw the article title, I thought it was going to be about the NSA?
I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
91–100 of 256 posts
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#92"When I got a Facebook account in 2006 he found me again and, not wanting to be rude, I accepted his friend request." It's hard to understand why, having previously already blocked this person elsewhere, they would accept a friend request from them. I suppose now, 10 years later, one can hope that people exact greater control over their online social networks.
Makes sense to me. Time heals all wounds, and people tend to want to forgive and get along. In addition, because the author was exposed to this kind of behavior at a young age, I suspect they thought of it as normal. It's hard to know what kind of behavior is right and what kind is wrong when you're young, so you just absorb it from your environment. If you don't see behavior being punished, you'll assume that behavior is normal/acceptable.
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#93Yeah, it sucks, but no surprise. Stalking is an old, old problem. And the police won't do anything until it turns violent. You can stalk normal people, movie stars, business people - pretty much anyone other than a psychiatrist. (It turns out that psychiatrists have a really easy time getting their stalkers committed to insane asylums.) I know a woman who owns nothing in her own name, changes her phone number frequen…
> And the police won't do anything until it turns violent. Try violating a restraining order taken out against you and see if you maintain that opinion. The behavior you describe as well as that of the article qualifies for seeking a restraining order, which this entire discussion seems to have forgotten is in existence. Once you have a EPO/TRO/PRO, then the police care when it is violated. A lot . It's easy for them…
Oh, she got specific advice about restraining orders.
The specific advice was, "The point at which a stalker is likely to flip out is the point where it becomes obvious to the stalker that the attention is unwanted and the relationship can never work. There is a real possibility that the act of taking out a restraining order will trigger a murder-suicide."
When you're dealing with insane people, you can't expect a sane response to legal threats.
(And yes, there is a lot more to my anecdote. But not stuff I'll talk about in public.)
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#94Earlier quoted context omitted.
Interesting idea, but there's no way to do this legally, and it would be prone to horrible abuses. Also, if someone is dangerous enough to intimidate ... well, you don't want to intimidate them and risk having them escalate back. Following that logic, you only end up in one place.
It is a bad idea, but without legal recourse someone will eventually provide the service.
Someone already provides the service, and they happen to import high quality olive oil as well.
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#95>I was never physically afraid of Danny and never will be.
I would be. Danny clearly has more than a few screws loose.
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#96Earlier quoted context omitted.
Or just telling him directly to stop himself. Maybe she did, but she didn't say she did. "Don't message me SO MUCH or I will BLOCK YOU" isn't quite the same thing as DON'T CONTACT ME AGAIN. A gentleman would get the hint, but a gentleman wouldn't be such a creepy asshole to begin with. You don't legally have the right to dictate to someone how they talk to you. You do legally have the right to cut off all contact wit…
"Don't message me SO MUCH or I will BLOCK YOU" sounds exactly like "I told my cyber stalker that if he didn't ease up on how much he was messaging me - my phone was beeping multiple times per day, bothering me at all hours - he could forget about breakfast in the morning from here on out - the next time he showed up at my apartment, I'd send him home with the night bus as soon as we were done having sex." (not a quot…
> Like, seriously. They're still facebook friends through all this?
Nope. She definitely blocked him on Facebook, but only once she felt his behavior constituted harassment. And that's reasonable, in my mind - especially given that this portion of the story occurred 10 years ago when people had much less experience with online social networks. Problems like these can start small and escalate gradually.
Yes, the article is lengthy, but it might be more responsible to read the whole thing before passing judgment.
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#97While this must have no doubt been a horrid experience, I can see why the cops would not have considered it worthy of launching a criminal investigation. This is a perfect case for civil law: causing emotional distress, harassment, defamation, etc. You should attempt to sue him and get a no-contact order if you can.
Even though having a visit from the cops would probably cause this guy to be scared into no longer doing this?
It obviously doesn't seem like he had the ability to make rational decisions like that. I doubt that a single visit from the cops would get him to change his ways after 14 years.
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#98There's a moment in the pilot of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where the women are rescued from the bunker and put on a daytime talk show and Matt Lauer asks one of the women how she ended up in the bunker: "I had waited on Reverend Richard at a York Steak House I worked at, and one night he invited me out to his car to see some baby rabbits, and I didn’t want to be rude, so… here we are." And Matt Lauer responds: "I…
> It's often hard for men to understand the societal pressure placed on women to be accommodating and not be rude and how this can be manipulated to constrain female agency in the world. Sorry, but I'm going to have to call out this statement as sexist. There are also several other strange "facts" being passed around in other comments which are similarly biased. To be clear, I'm not calling you sexist. In fact, I thi…
I agree that men also feel pressure to accommodate requests they might rather not.
I think it can arise due to an imbalance of whatever sort. I've been in that position with males with whom I didn't want to escalate a situation and with males while on their home turf (say, in a strange country). But I tend not to fear being assaulted by a woman or tricked/trapped by a woman in a foreign country. People routinely get scammed because they are too polite or fearful to say no or walk away.
Females might feel that imbalance a little more?
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#99> I was never physically afraid of Danny and never will be. I would be. Danny clearly has more than a few screws loose.
It seems like they've had a lot of time to learn which ones, though.
Re: I’ve Had a Cyberstalker Since I Was 12
#100Earlier quoted context omitted.
"Don't message me SO MUCH or I will BLOCK YOU" sounds exactly like "I told my cyber stalker that if he didn't ease up on how much he was messaging me - my phone was beeping multiple times per day, bothering me at all hours - he could forget about breakfast in the morning from here on out - the next time he showed up at my apartment, I'd send him home with the night bus as soon as we were done having sex." (not a quot…
> Like, seriously. They're still facebook friends through all this? Nope. She definitely blocked him on Facebook, but only once she felt his behavior constituted harassment. And that's reasonable, in my mind - especially given that this portion of the story occurred 10 years ago when people had much less experience with online social networks. Problems like these can start small and escalate gradually. Yes, the artic…
It's not about whether she "feels" his behavior constitutes harassment. She has a choice about whether to be contacted by him and she has to tell him in no uncertain terms exactly what she wants. She has to say, "Please don't contact me again. I am not interested in having you in my life in any way. Move on." (not a quote, my suggestion).
This is like her quote,
>"He handed me the latest Red Hot Chili Peppers CD (Stadium Arcadium, not great) and asked if we could eat dinner together. I panicked; I hadn’t seen Danny since middle school and didn’t want to see him now. But I also didn’t want to hurt his feelings and felt touched by his gift. I took him to the cafeteria and made awkward conversation until I faked an excuse and left."
Really? Why would she mention that his gift "Stadium Arcadium" was "not great"??
What does it matter? But at that part of the story, she literally went with him to the cafeteria and ate with him.
Like, where at any point does she clearly simply say, "Do not contact me again in any way. I am not interested in having you in my life. Please move on." or "I told you not to contact me. Please don't do this" etc.
Women are completely in the wrong if they refuse to unambiguously state what they want from communications but expect that they can just "feel" a certain way. They have a duty to tell the person unambiguously.
By the way this goes the other way too. A woman can be totally, completely into you and you can be oblivious. In that case too, if she does want something she needs to just say it.
There are literally entire articles written for how a woman can go about planting the seed in a man's brain that maybe he should ask her out. It's ridiculous. women can communicate and they have an obligation to do so, not to "be touched and take him to the cafeteria and make conversation" while thinking that they are doing so with a harasser. come on.