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Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

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Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#111

Post by Dewie3 »

TeMPOraL wrote: post #86
camillomiller wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, but the question nobody's posing is: why should it? That's a question I personally can't answer. I don't see any higher meaning in "leaving a legacy". You'll be dead anyway. Why shouldn't we focus on living a better, more relaxed and less stressful life while we're here to recognize that?

And the reverse question would be: why shouldn't it? Why should I focus on living happily and have family and relationships? I'll be dead anyway, and so will everyone I ever loved. So I guess it's up to one to pick for him/herself. Some want to focus on their own small world, others want to leave behind some lasting change affecting many.

People try to be happy because they intrinsically want to be happy. Not because being happy matters after you're dead -- obviously you're not in a state to be happy after you're dead. At least not in this world.

Why do people want to make a lasting change? Purely for intrinsic reasons? Or is there some hidden assumption like for example that it will make them happy in their later years?

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#112

Post by swombat »

Dewie3 wrote: post #88

> Judaism calls for a period of intense mourning known as shiva that lasts seven days after a loved one is buried. It's strange to me to prescribe how long people should mourn. Some people are appalled when someone seems to get over someone quickly after they've died. But if they are truly not sad about it any more, I say good for them. What does it help the deceased for the living to be sad over them?

Often people who have lost close ones feel overwhelmed by all sorts of emotions, including guilt - whether over mourning too much or mourning too little. "Is it ok that I'm still grieving? Should I still be expressing this grief to people I meet? Do people expect that I should be moving on now? Am I moving on too soon?"

By declaring the length of the mourning period, religion does there one of the things it does best: give us a sense of ritual and assuage potential guilt at those very important moments in life: yes, it's ok to still be mourning. Yes, it's ok to move on now.

These are not mandates. They're not marching orders. They're a guideline so you don't have to add guilt about mourning too much or too little to what is already a crushing amount of sorrow.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#114

Post by swombat »

ars wrote: post #101
reylsonnick wrote: post #58

Religion is the Earth's cancer. I don't see how this is special apart from the fact that this person belonged to one religious belief. I hope to see rationality and logic prevail over bullshit over the short course of life left for me and my fellow earthlings.

You must be an unbelievably horrible person. Please leave HN and never come back.

Whilst I also think the parent comment is callous and stupid, I don't think your comment is called for.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#115

Post by ygmelnikova »

infinitone wrote: post #79
ygmelnikova wrote: post #55

"Goldberg collapsed at a private beach-front villa near the Four Seasons Resort in Punta Mita, near Puerto Vallarta, Mexico" Today, 21,000 children died from causes that are preventable. I don't see any posts on HN about that. http://www.unicef.org/mdg/childmortality.html "Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou make a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy…

I also find it hypocritical that usually religion is bashed/downvoted to hell, yet its not the case when a rich person is doing it. I never heard of Goldberg till now... and I think thats the case for many people on HN.

Agreed. Where are all the Atheists now? Only billionaire people of faith deserve respect for their faith?

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#116

Post by sambeau »

sambeau wrote: post #96
wumbernang wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

AFAIK it didn't on bbc.co.uk. Perhaps bbc.com but I don't look at that. It's all about FIFA bribes and rollercoaster accidents.

I'm British reading from the UK. He died weeks ago. However, it wouldn't take much reading to realise that a) this wasn't just some dude who died and b) this isn't just some wifey who is talking about her grief.

@wumbernang these are people who are a part of the larger community who built HN. When the US wakes up you will see that many of the people who come here know them personally (especially those who built and run HN).

You might want to consider their feelings.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#117

Post by glaberficken »

AndrewKemendo wrote: post #10
GuiA wrote: post #3

Paul Buchheit wrote a wonderful post, after similar circumstances, that I often re-read: > On a more practical level, what matters most in our day-to-day lives is that we're good to ourselves and to each other. It's actually not possible to only do one or the other -- we must do both or neither, but that's a topic for another time. Sometimes, when I write about startups or other interests of mine, I worry that perhap…

Investing money, creating new products, and all the other things we do are wonderful games and can be a lot of fun, but it's important to remember that it's all just a game. I feel like this sentiment is very common, but is implicitly stating that all of the other things, family, friends, personal health etc... are not games - when I don't see why that would be the case. Nothing distinguishes those things for me. Cre…

> "just look at the miserable relationship failures of Steve Jobs, but their impact on bringing their vision and impact on groups outside of their circle."

I'm sorry but am I the only one that doesn't buy the view that Steve Jobs was this irreplaceable visionary everyone eulogizes him for?

Wouldn't pocket size touch screen computers get invented anyway eventually?

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#118

Post by PhasmaFelis »

reylsonnick wrote: post #58

Religion is the Earth's cancer. I don't see how this is special apart from the fact that this person belonged to one religious belief. I hope to see rationality and logic prevail over bullshit over the short course of life left for me and my fellow earthlings.

People who insist that religion must never be mentioned, however briefly, are just as weird to me as people who insist that every activity must involve a prayer.

Maybe I'm not being clear enough. This is a long piece about the process of grieving a lost loved one that mentions religion very briefly, at the beginning, and then never again. You apparently read the first sentence and were so overwhelmed with rage that you were compelled to assume the entire piece was just gonna be the first sentence over and over again. Try reading next time.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#119

Post by facepalm »

reylsonnick wrote: post #58

Religion is the Earth's cancer. I don't see how this is special apart from the fact that this person belonged to one religious belief. I hope to see rationality and logic prevail over bullshit over the short course of life left for me and my fellow earthlings.

One aspect of religion is belief in god, indoctrination, and so on. The other is the manual for leading a "good" life - not good as in "approved by god" but as happy, balanced, whatever. I think religion has a lot of experience with dealing with all sorts of challenges in life. I don't necessarily like all the solutions, but sometimes there is some wisdom in it.

I think to get rid of religion (which I would approve of), one shouldn't focus on the ridiculousness of believing in god. One should look at what religion provides to people, and how to replace that with something secular.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#120

Post by peteretep »

sambeau wrote: post #75
peteretep wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Because they’d been to the top of the mountain, and they > just knew in their heart they’d never get there again, > that it was never going to get — never going to be that > way ever again And Sheryl says: > I know I will never feel pure joy again. Those who have > said, “You will find a new normal, but it will never be > as good” comfort me more because they know and speak the > truth Is this attitude ... normal?…

I can confirm this. It has been 15 years since my son died. On a day-to-day basis there is a new normality in my life and the emotion surrounding his loss is locked tightly in a box. There is plenty of happiness and plenty of new happiness in my life. However, at all of the happiest moments in my life the box is opened and I am reminded that we are missing the one thing that would make this moment complete. This is w…

Thanks for sharing. I find that hard to imagine, but I've not been through it (or anything similar), so I would have no idea.
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