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Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

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Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#51

Post by unclebucknasty »

jamesrcole wrote: post #48
unclebucknasty wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I hear this sentiment all the time--about what's really important and what our priorities should be, etc. But, there is something disingenuous about it. We have engineered a society wherein our very survival depends upon these "games" to which Mr. Buchheit has alluded. And, in his case he has the luxury of considering his economic endeavors to be games. It's certainly not his fault. I'm saying that we choose the soci…

> we choose the society we want That's not really true. I don't think there's any meaningful sense in which anybody chose this society. We don't have that level of control.

Then we should dispense with the admonitions about reducing our focus on "the game", work, etc. in order to focus on "what's truly important in life".

Eating is important.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#52

Post by codezero »

zak_mc_kracken wrote: post #30
themartorana wrote: post #17

The prayer got me the most. "Let me not die, while I am still alive..." That's powerful stuff. The idea of asking for more time like a kid in a swimming pool - just 5 more minutes! I hope I do die while I'm still alive though. Dying after I'm done living sounds worse.

I feel the other way around. I'd rather die while I'm alive (doing or living through something really exciting) than completing something exciting, then entering the dawn of life realizing that I'll never do something as exciting again, and then dying. I wanna die in the middle of having fun, not in a retirement home.

This is a good state of mind to be in. I felt this way when I was younger, and as I've aged, I don't feel the same way. It felt better to have your state of mind. Hang on to it as long as you can :)

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#53

Post by littletimmy »

AndrewKemendo wrote: post #23
kraig911 wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I too used to think this way. I can't explain it now that I have a child and family and have lost people very close to me. Where as before the mere thought of innovating I felt like I was some of the first people ever to be doing something where in now I find it was all just a race. I.E. - Someone else could've finished that super fancy product and made lots of money. Just today I missed my daughter swimming for the…

I can't explain it now that I have a child and family and have lost people very close to me. As I posted to someone below you, I am married and have three kids. I have also lost a lot of my friends - I am an Iraq war veteran and was in the Air Force from 2003 until last Feb. All of that has led me to my conclusion because I see what is left after these people have gone away - and largely it's...nothing. Once their fr…

To first approximation, there are almost no people who would have a "grand legacy" that could extend centuries. How many do you know from 1850? Eventually, no one will remember you, and that is true even if you are the most successful person on earth.

The urge to have a legacy is a manifestation of the fear of death, and is primarily an exercise of ego. It does not have to overtake one's life.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#54

Post by aaronbrethorst »

AndrewKemendo wrote: post #10
GuiA wrote: post #3

Paul Buchheit wrote a wonderful post, after similar circumstances, that I often re-read: > On a more practical level, what matters most in our day-to-day lives is that we're good to ourselves and to each other. It's actually not possible to only do one or the other -- we must do both or neither, but that's a topic for another time. Sometimes, when I write about startups or other interests of mine, I worry that perhap…

Investing money, creating new products, and all the other things we do are wonderful games and can be a lot of fun, but it's important to remember that it's all just a game. I feel like this sentiment is very common, but is implicitly stating that all of the other things, family, friends, personal health etc... are not games - when I don't see why that would be the case. Nothing distinguishes those things for me. Cre…

What are the things that—on your deathbed—you expect to regret?

Will it be that you didn't spend as much time as you could've with your parents before they died? How about with your siblings? Maybe it was all of the times that you didn't make it to your kids' soccer games, piano recitals, school plays, or graduations?

Or will it be that you didn't spend nearly enough nights at the office fixing your social media startup's bugs?

I don't remember the exact genesis of this, and I really wish I did, because it has literally reshaped my life, but a few years ago, I started asking myself the question 'If I were to die tomorrow, would I regret the way I have lived my life?' And I was somewhat surprised and horrified to discover that the answer was absolutely, categorically "yes."

I dropped out of the startup rat-race, took a good-paying 9-5 job working with people who I (still) really like, and started focusing on the other 128 hours in the week that I wasn't working.

I would hate to die tomorrow, but, if that's what happened, I would be satisfied with how I spend each day of my life. My quality of life and happiness have increased significantly since I first started asking myself that question.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#55

Post by ygmelnikova »

"Goldberg collapsed at a private beach-front villa near the Four Seasons Resort in Punta Mita, near Puerto Vallarta, Mexico"

Today, 21,000 children died from causes that are preventable. I don't see any posts on HN about that.

http://www.unicef.org/mdg/childmortality.html

"Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou make a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy rich neighbours; lest they also bid thee again, and a recompence be made you.

But when thou make a feast, call the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind: And thou shalt be blessed; for they cannot recompense you: for you shalt be recompensed at the resurrection of the just." -- Jesus Christ

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#57

Post by [deleted] »

unclebucknasty wrote: post #25
GuiA wrote: post #3

Paul Buchheit wrote a wonderful post, after similar circumstances, that I often re-read: > On a more practical level, what matters most in our day-to-day lives is that we're good to ourselves and to each other. It's actually not possible to only do one or the other -- we must do both or neither, but that's a topic for another time. Sometimes, when I write about startups or other interests of mine, I worry that perhap…

I hear this sentiment all the time--about what's really important and what our priorities should be, etc. But, there is something disingenuous about it. We have engineered a society wherein our very survival depends upon these "games" to which Mr. Buchheit has alluded. And, in his case he has the luxury of considering his economic endeavors to be games. It's certainly not his fault. I'm saying that we choose the soci…

[deleted]

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#59

Post by [deleted] »

ygmelnikova wrote: post #55

"Goldberg collapsed at a private beach-front villa near the Four Seasons Resort in Punta Mita, near Puerto Vallarta, Mexico" Today, 21,000 children died from causes that are preventable. I don't see any posts on HN about that. http://www.unicef.org/mdg/childmortality.html "Then said he also to him that bade him, When thou make a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy…

[deleted]

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#60

Post by AndrewKemendo »

aaronbrethorst wrote: post #54
AndrewKemendo wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Investing money, creating new products, and all the other things we do are wonderful games and can be a lot of fun, but it's important to remember that it's all just a game. I feel like this sentiment is very common, but is implicitly stating that all of the other things, family, friends, personal health etc... are not games - when I don't see why that would be the case. Nothing distinguishes those things for me. Cre…

What are the things that—on your deathbed—you expect to regret? Will it be that you didn't spend as much time as you could've with your parents before they died? How about with your siblings? Maybe it was all of the times that you didn't make it to your kids' soccer games, piano recitals, school plays, or graduations? Or will it be that you didn't spend nearly enough nights at the office fixing your social media star…

What are the things that—on your deathbed—you expect to regret?

Always found these philosophical shortcut tropes (eg. if you had just one day left...) amusing, but not particularly illuminating because they over-simplify life long achievements to mere regret-avoidance. If you are asking yourself that, then 1. You are privileged to be at that level on the Maslow hierarchy and 2. you already know the answer.

Embedded in your statements though are a lot of, in my opinion unfounded presuppositions. One, that through force of will, the relationships that you describe can be made positive - something forcefully unfounded in my experience. Two, that someone's startup, social or otherwise, is a trivial farce and there is no real added value - again see my previous statement about common misguided arguments.

My main distinction is that personal happiness is not a goal of mine, but rather a side benefit from accomplishing something that has lasting tangible value for more than just myself and the people I am immediately exposed to.

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