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Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

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Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#81

Post by TeMPOraL »

kraig911 wrote: post #28
AndrewKemendo wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can't explain it now that I have a child and family and have lost people very close to me. As I posted to someone below you, I am married and have three kids. I have also lost a lot of my friends - I am an Iraq war veteran and was in the Air Force from 2003 until last Feb. All of that has led me to my conclusion because I see what is left after these people have gone away - and largely it's...nothing. Once their fr…

I guess my juxtaposed argument is that to me the notion of any sort of legacy is just not good. I'd rather have my daughter be remembered for being a good dad. Than some guy who made something neat. A "legacy" is an ideology. To me when you're dead, you're dead, that's it.

I think I feel similar to AndrewKemendo. "Legacy" is a wrong word, maybe "positive impact" is better. Being a good dad is cool and nice, but if I had to chose one, I'd rather die knowing that I helped lift a million people out of poverty. Or even a thousand.

I get strong feelings of love and need for relationships, but I sometimes feel they're more of an hormonal failure mode than anything fundamental. I want to love and be loved, and be the best I can be for those close to me, but I don't feel that those in my immediate vicinity are somehow morally more important than all those random people I don't know.

I guess there might be no good answer, but the "common wisdom" is that to be happy, you should focus on yourself and your relationships as opposed to the world around you. Maybe it's a common sentiment, but there are people who genuinely don't feel that way.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#82

Post by infinitone »

sambeau wrote: post #77
wumbernang wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks. That's the tl;dr I needed. Coming from the UK, this made no sense whatsoever to me.

His death made the front page of the BBC website.

So what? People die all the time, we don't need a post about it, let alone some religious spiel.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#83

Post by Nimitz14 »

themartorana wrote: post #17

The prayer got me the most. "Let me not die, while I am still alive..." That's powerful stuff. The idea of asking for more time like a kid in a swimming pool - just 5 more minutes! I hope I do die while I'm still alive though. Dying after I'm done living sounds worse.

That's not what it means as I understand it, it's about not treating someone as already dead before their death. Instead to acknowledge their existance and use the time left positively.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#84

Post by talsraviv »

reylsonnick wrote: post #58

Religion is the Earth's cancer. I don't see how this is special apart from the fact that this person belonged to one religious belief. I hope to see rationality and logic prevail over bullshit over the short course of life left for me and my fellow earthlings.

Generalizing, dogmatic attitudes, some of which are religious - and some of which are expressed in your comment - are harmful.

It's just as silly - and intellectually easy - to blindly condemn culture and religion as it is to blindly follow them.

There's a wonderfully epic two-part South Park episode that makes this point:

http://southpark.cc.com/full-episodes/s10e12-go-god-go http://southpark.cc.com/full-episodes/s10e13-go-god-go-xii

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#85

Post by sambeau »

aaa667 wrote: post #33
curun1r wrote: post #12

Reading this took me back to the experience of grieving for my dad. The realization that it will never be okay, but that I can become more okay with it never being okay. The bizarre feeling of grief so unbearable and yet it being one of the few connections left to someone so important to me, and so being unwilling to let go of it. Even to this day, I revel in that grief. I've learned to look at it as consequence of s…

As someone experiencing grief for the first time one and a half weeks ago, I'm beginning to understand that bizarreness of grief - the ups and downs, that void.. A lot of people I've spoken to who have experienced grief tell me the same thing - that it will never be ok, but that you can become more ok with it - that you will have moments where you briefly forget and that you get more of these moments over time. I cou…

Be kind to yourself. Don't rush. You are in recovery. It is my experience that grief is an illness and it lasts more like a year.

Like all major illnesses there will be scars.

However, It will be OK.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#86

Post by TeMPOraL »

camillomiller wrote: post #76
AndrewKemendo wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not about being remembered, it's about your life having positive impact beyond those you can personally see.

Yeah, but the question nobody's posing is: why should it? That's a question I personally can't answer. I don't see any higher meaning in "leaving a legacy". You'll be dead anyway. Why shouldn't we focus on living a better, more relaxed and less stressful life while we're here to recognize that?

And the reverse question would be: why shouldn't it? Why should I focus on living happily and have family and relationships? I'll be dead anyway, and so will everyone I ever loved. So I guess it's up to one to pick for him/herself. Some want to focus on their own small world, others want to leave behind some lasting change affecting many.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#87

Post by jbrooksuk »

wumbernang wrote: post #80
sambeau wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

His death made the front page of the BBC website.

AFAIK it didn't on bbc.co.uk. Perhaps bbc.com but I don't look at that. It's all about FIFA bribes and rollercoaster accidents.

Both of which are generally more "BBC newsworthy" for us UK residents.

With that said, I don't do Football and was part of the Runaway Mine Train crash.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#88

Post by Dewie3 »

> Judaism calls for a period of intense mourning known as shiva that lasts seven days after a loved one is buried.

It's strange to me to prescribe how long people should mourn. Some people are appalled when someone seems to get over someone quickly after they've died. But if they are truly not sad about it any more, I say good for them. What does it help the deceased for the living to be sad over them?

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#90

Post by PhasmaFelis »

guelo wrote: post #72

For those like me that are wondering what is going on, apparently some Silicon Valley executive died recently.

I'm a little surprised that this needed to be said. I wasn't aware of the event or any of the people involved, but the first five sentences made it clear that this is a piece by a woman whose husband has just died. It didn't really make me dig for it.
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