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I’ve been single all my life

lukasrosenstock.net

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Re: I’ve been single all my life

#111

Post by em-bee »

hammyhavoc wrote: post #109
browningstreet wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hard disagree. My last "n" relationships over more than a decade came from dating apps. It's also a high-percentage source of relationships these days. Dating apps can be where people go shopping, but it can also just be a way to filter for people you wouldn't ordinarily encounter doing the things you do day to day. In that respect, they're great.

Anecdote v anecdote, matey. As with anything, if they work for you and others, that's great. I have a feeling that it may be a demographic thing related to geographic area, that and the times have of course changed and dating apps are far more mainstream than they were a decade ago. An additional anecdote though as an in-between of both of ours: my mother in the UK met a man from Canada in a chatroom over twenty year…

one thing i think where dating apps help (or being introduced by someone as potential partners) is that you can discuss relationship goals very early. that helps weeding out unsuitable candidates quickly.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#112

Post by sublinear »

Why are there so many articles about this lately?

I don't see what the problem is or why being single is such a tragedy. Single doesn't mean being alone. Not everyone wants serious long term relationships and monogamy is on a serious decline.

People used to aspire to have the single lifestyle we now pretend is so sad and lonely. Sounds like propaganda to me. We're overpopulated. Can't the prole have this one thing and thin out in style?

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#113

Post by hexo »

hammyhavoc wrote: post #109
browningstreet wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hard disagree. My last "n" relationships over more than a decade came from dating apps. It's also a high-percentage source of relationships these days. Dating apps can be where people go shopping, but it can also just be a way to filter for people you wouldn't ordinarily encounter doing the things you do day to day. In that respect, they're great.

Anecdote v anecdote, matey. As with anything, if they work for you and others, that's great. I have a feeling that it may be a demographic thing related to geographic area, that and the times have of course changed and dating apps are far more mainstream than they were a decade ago. An additional anecdote though as an in-between of both of ours: my mother in the UK met a man from Canada in a chatroom over twenty year…

(my) general feeling is that these dating apps works mostly for people who dont need them in the first place anyway... spoiling it for everyone else

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#114

Post by maxbond »

JasserInicide wrote: post #106
aidenn0 wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm a man and I definitely see more pressure on women to pair off, at least at younger ages. With men (particularly driven or ambitious men), there's a societal "he'll settle down eventually" but with women "eventually" is like "late 20s"

It's not just social pressure, it's simply a biological fact. For each year after ~30, the chance of having something wrong with a child during pregnancy goes up. On average in relationships, women's greatest value is their youth and beauty (early/mid 20s), men's greatest value is when they've progressed in their career and are amassing wealth (mid/late 30s). There's nothing wrong about pointing this out, they're jus…

Women are not baby machines or objects of beauty, they're people. Their "greatest value" is whatever they decide it to be. They should form relationships in the way that brings them the most happiness.

Reducing women to objects of beauty, saying their value comes from their fertility, and implying that if they disagree with that assessment it's because they're too emotional is almost the dictionary definition of misogyny. I hope you'll reconsider this attitude.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#115

Post by hexo »

hammyhavoc wrote: post #98
hexo wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yea, more likely is the correct term. 100% agree on that. Unlike in travel, there is no map or compass to show you the right direction. Especially, when the outcome is exact opposite than intended after many, many months of hard work on yourself.

Struggling with autism, I not infrequently get on the wrong literal non-metaphorical train, stand on the wrong platform for an hour, pass the station I'm meant to disembark. It's rough. But you can extrapolate that idea to working on yourself too—sometimes we forget to get off the metaphorical train, don't know which train we're meant to be getting, not even sure how to get somewhere, but as long as someone is trying…

I have to thank you for the positive mindset you're trying to teach us here!

Also, as you say, it is very important to not accept bad state -- this is so important I can't stress it enough. Even more, because of how some generic people mindset can easily get you into "learned helplessness" state.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#116

Post by tennisflyi »

ZephyrBlu wrote: post #92
hombre_fatal wrote: post #83

I'd wonder how many women this guy (and guys who relate to this post) are incidentally meeting every week. When I was in my mid 20s after uni, it was basically zero. Just women at work, if even that. If so, this is basically the result you can expect and nothing is going to change until you get those numbers up. The common thread I see with guys not meeting women is almost never "I meet a lot of women but they never…

100%. Exposure is almost always the problem.

Yes and it’s expensive money and time wise. All day at work. Almost all money to bills. Repeat.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#117

Post by s1artibartfast »

It seems like this quote gets to to heart of the issue:

> a relationship isn’t an activity (like a job, hobby, or sport) to try and quit when you don’t like it. It requires two people, and you must find a second person willing to try. Finding someone is hard, though. This brings me back to what I said a few paragraphs ago; I don’t see myself ready to invest much in something I’m not even sure I want. Also, if it doesn’t work out, I’m scared of leaving a broken heart in another person.

I would say that for many people a relationship are something to try and quit when you don't like it. It is easy to get caught up in what-ifs and commitment fears, but stakes are extremely low for starting one.

This reminds me of people who build up a first kiss or first sex into some monumental event. It seems important or daunting for someone who hasn't done it, but once it has happened, most of that importance instantly evaporates.

I also find the last fear of breaking the someone's heart infantilizing. You can't take ownership of other people's choices. Treat them as adults and let them take the risks they choose to.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#118

Post by Gigachad »

kayodelycaon wrote: post #97
SoftAnnaLee wrote: post #10

The OP reminds me of some of the aromantic and asexual folk I've known. Not necessarily prescribing any label on his account. Just merely a thought based on a particular line is one I've heard a number times; > my general reply is the combination of a lack of opportunities and a lack of desire That said, I am very interested in hearing him extrapolate his thoughts further. I do use the aromantic and asexual label mys…

This might get a little weird... but I think some people might be interested in my perspective on intimacy and relationships. I'm asexual, but not aromantic (or adverse to sex). "Relationships" aren't high on my priority list. All of my friendships are platonic and I'm quite happy with that. Where it gets weird for people is several of them are emotionally intimate and physically tactile. For men in the US, touch is…

The furry fandom is honestly the easiest way to meet people imo. I recently moved city and the first thing I did is locate the local group and see what the events are. See there is a weekly bar meet so I show up and everyone immediately treats you like a long time friend. People are pretty respectful of your boundaries but you can almost use it like a dating scene if you want. So much better than apps.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#119

Post by schizo89 »

throwbadubadu wrote: post #28
schizo89 wrote: post #12

There is something fundamentally wrong with this world, obviously. I'm standing the same stance for lat 8 years.

Agreed, there is a lot wrong with this world ;) But what do you mean or how relating to the article? That you are in that stance? Or expectations of others? Please explain.

I have experienced a major schizophrenia for 5 years starting in 2015 and since that I never attempted dating or having interpersonal relationships. Now it's a part of my personality.

I won't go in detail though. I don't feel any negative emotions or have any thoughts about that as I'm using antidepressants to shut down the libido.

After some biohacking I feel a competitive advantage in social realm and view this as a gift. There's non-compete for women, no social racing for status, and it all boils down to fundamental values. That's super christian catholic way of life, and I'm fine with it now.

What I was expecting initially is that someone will check on me, but that never happened.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#120

Post by all2 »

hotpotamus wrote: post #85
all2 wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Low drive to mate could be because his T is low. I wonder if he's had his hormones checked.

Then with the right injections, he could make lots of babies?

Probably not? Dunno. Depends on the injections. If you're curious, YouTuber Vigorous Steve talks about this stuff in a great detail.
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