Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

bbc.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

101–110 of 172 posts

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#101

Post by weinzierl »

StavrosK wrote: post #17
hoodwink wrote: post #2

Any good book recommendations on engaging small talk and authentic first impressions? I’m headed to a weeklong NYE retreat that has a tendency to dredge up high school cafeteria level social anxieties.

Not a book, but I've found that asking people what they do and being genuinely interested in it (especially if it's a job you know nothing about) is a treasure trove of interesting information. For example, if you meet a plumber, you can get hours of conversation out of just talking about the various aspects of the jobs. Although I guess it helps that I like learning about other jobs, too, and I tend to ask people to…

I do that too and most of the time it leads to good conversations.

Sometimes it gets awkward though and that is when the other person is really, really excited about what they do. If I just show my honest interest I feel disappointment on the other side that I do not share the same enthusiasm. On the other hand I can't be frantic about something I didn't even know existed a few minutes ago. Positively interested yes, but really, truly emotional no. Faking excitement doesn't make me feel comfortable either.

Do you have any experience with that situation?

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#102

Post by StavrosK »

weinzierl wrote: post #101
StavrosK wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not a book, but I've found that asking people what they do and being genuinely interested in it (especially if it's a job you know nothing about) is a treasure trove of interesting information. For example, if you meet a plumber, you can get hours of conversation out of just talking about the various aspects of the jobs. Although I guess it helps that I like learning about other jobs, too, and I tend to ask people to…

I do that too and most of the time it leads to good conversations. Sometimes it gets awkward though and that is when the other person is really, really excited about what they do. If I just show my honest interest I feel disappointment on the other side that I do not share the same enthusiasm. On the other hand I can't be frantic about something I didn't even know existed a few minutes ago. Positively interested yes,…

I've generally been on the giving side of that, but I think people like that are generally used to people not sharing their (our) enthusiasm, so I think just being interested and asking questions is fine, even though it doesn't blow your mind.

You don't have to be super excited about everything anyway, just being interested in what the other person has to say already makes you a better listener than most people.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#103

Post by ksk »

EasyTiger_ wrote: post #24
zschuessler wrote: post #6

One tip mentioned is to raise your eyebrows. As example: when you first meet someone, raise your eyebrows slightly (or one), smile, and tilt your head and greet them. Making someone else feel special makes you charming. Along the same lines: I find that voice cadences, and inflection, work pretty well for being charming! Take time to enuncicate the whole sentence you want to say, throw emotion into your words. And if…

How grossly manipulative

Who is being manipulated?

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#104

Post by heartbreak »

sliverstorm wrote: post #86
heartbreak wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You'll get a public defender.

Sorry, I don't closely follow this whole "don't talk to the police ever" thing- is this the case even when you're just refusing to talk to the police on the street without an attorney? Was always under the impression the right to publicly provided legal counsel mostly centered on an actual trial.

In her case had she refused to answer any questions pending an actual arrest, they likely would have arrested her. This is the (famously obnoxious) “Am I being detained?” question. Once you’re placed under arrest you have the right to a state-provided attorney.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#105

Post by AlexCoventry »

cloakandswagger wrote: post #27
dilap wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've read parts of that and it's fascinating. The FBI agents are good at their job.

They're good, but the transcripts really demonstrate just how hopelessly naive RW is. She printed classified docs on her work printer, emailed them from her work email and then confessed to FBI agents without consulting a lawyer. It doesn't excuse what she did, of course, but it's clear she didn't grasp the gravity of her actions.

I think it's worth considering that her work environment may have conditioned her to compliance with authority.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#106

Post by DanBC »

sliverstorm wrote: post #86
heartbreak wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You'll get a public defender.

Sorry, I don't closely follow this whole "don't talk to the police ever" thing- is this the case even when you're just refusing to talk to the police on the street without an attorney? Was always under the impression the right to publicly provided legal counsel mostly centered on an actual trial.

It's true in the US. It's not true in some other countries - it's not true in the UK for example.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#107

Post by weinzierl »

TrevorAustin wrote: post #44
StavrosK wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not a book, but I've found that asking people what they do and being genuinely interested in it (especially if it's a job you know nothing about) is a treasure trove of interesting information. For example, if you meet a plumber, you can get hours of conversation out of just talking about the various aspects of the jobs. Although I guess it helps that I like learning about other jobs, too, and I tend to ask people to…

Paul Ford has a great riff on that: https://medium.com/message/how-to-be-polite-9bf1e69e888c > Here’s a polite person’s trick, one that has never failed me. I will share it with you because I like and respect you, and it is clear to me that you’ll know how to apply it wisely: When you are at a party and are thrust into conversation with someone, see how long you can hold off before talking about what they do for a li…

> When you are at a party and are thrust into conversation with someone, see how long you can hold off before talking about what they do for a living.

This is also a cultural thing:

When I prepared for my first trip to Brasil I was told that I shouldn't ask people what they do for a living and that it was considered rude. I still don't know if this is really true but one thing I remember sure enough: Wherever I was in Brasil, I got asked about my family a lot.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#108

Post by funnelsgun »

weinzierl wrote: post #101
StavrosK wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not a book, but I've found that asking people what they do and being genuinely interested in it (especially if it's a job you know nothing about) is a treasure trove of interesting information. For example, if you meet a plumber, you can get hours of conversation out of just talking about the various aspects of the jobs. Although I guess it helps that I like learning about other jobs, too, and I tend to ask people to…

I do that too and most of the time it leads to good conversations. Sometimes it gets awkward though and that is when the other person is really, really excited about what they do. If I just show my honest interest I feel disappointment on the other side that I do not share the same enthusiasm. On the other hand I can't be frantic about something I didn't even know existed a few minutes ago. Positively interested yes,…

This happens quite often to me! I ask someone a question and get a super enthusiastic answer!

If it’s something I’m also interested in then we go to town, otherwise I tend to listen to the other person for a short while, perhaps ask them one or two more questions on the topic, then bring the conversation back to something else. It could be about that event or place we’re in, or some kind of tangent based on what has been said earlier in the conversation.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#109

Post by bradleyjg »

nasredin wrote: post #25
AlexCoventry wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can see that principle at work in the interrogation of Reality Winner. https://www.politico.com/f/?id=0000015e-c5e7-ddab-a57f-cfe7d...

If the FBI shows up at your door, and act very nicely, very friendly... but they have a search warrant... It's not a speeding ticket, you are not gonna out talk them out of searching your house... so you should... not talk?!

“I’m not answering any questions, and I want to speak to an attorney.”

Repeat as many times as necessary.

Post reply on HN