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Be Kind

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Re: Be Kind

#301

Post by pekk »

zxxz wrote: post #280
pekk wrote: post #270

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't agree with you. I don't know what your environment is like, but I notice a lot of people who are pointlessly aggressive and competitive, or who premise their aggression on being right about something they're actually wrong about. That doesn't make these people stronger and it doesn't make the world better. It would work better if everyone just focused on doing their own best job, and constantly checked themse…

Women are not weaker? Ofcourse, physically they are. Otherwise why do we have sport events segregated by sex? There is a reason why they are weaker sex. This one more instance how everyone has been educated/trained to pretend that women are not weaker. And how women are educated to feel offended if they are called weaker sex.

That has nothing to do with the earlier discussion, which wasn't about physical strength and wasn't about women being offended. You made a claim, and you were challenged to provide any support of that claim. You have not provided any support for it; and where you could have admitted you were unsure or withdrawn the claim, you tried to change the subject.

This is silly, and I'm done with this thread.

Re: Be Kind

#302

Post by kordless »

weaksauce wrote: post #295
ryandrake wrote: post #202

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A subset of your (a) that I see here a lot is when I write a 500 word essay arguing some point, and the first reply comes in and says something to the effect of: "On word 348, you said 'all'. Here's a counter-example that proves that you should have said 'some' instead! I found the word that is wrong in your statement! See? Your entire argument is invalid!" Nit-picking and pedantry is toxic in real life and on messag…

I agree with you 100%. They waste time and energy in a toxic way. Do you or anyone else on here have any ideas on how to fix it?

Gamify NVC.

Re: Be Kind

#303

Post by jorgearturo »

mreiland wrote: post #276
donlzx wrote: post #183

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Being kind also mean being more open-minded. I visit HN not to argue about the right or wrong, but to get more informed and educated. The more you know, the more you'll be humble and kind to those who you disagree with. The notion that there is not absolute correctness even for a most trivial problem may be hard for engineers to understand, but I've learned it the hard way. I've learned a lot and working better with…

> Being kind also mean being more open-minded. Should I be more open-minded about climate change deniers when NASA has stated multiple times human activity is affecting it? I have better things to do with my time.

If you don't want to waste your time with climate change deniers, just skip and don't address them, that's cool, life is short no doubt about that.

If you find yourself in a situation where somehow you DID address them (maybe because you care about the world, and you DO sound like someone reasonable that cares about important matters), that means you already decided to use some time on them climate change deniers, so make the most of it, remember they're human beings and treat them with respect and you might end up inspiring them to actually listen to you to understand instead of listening to retort (like most people do when they're on defensive mode), be kind and you might even end up incepting some sense into their minds.

Trust me, kindness works miracles.

Re: Be Kind

#304

Post by jorgearturo »

donlzx wrote: post #296
mreiland wrote: post #276

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Being kind also mean being more open-minded. Should I be more open-minded about climate change deniers when NASA has stated multiple times human activity is affecting it? I have better things to do with my time.

Yes. And you'll know more and save more time for better things.

I don't agree with mreiland. I didn't dismiss you donizx, your first comment was a smart POV.

mreiland is just being rude, he probably had a bad day or was recently frustrated with some discussion gone eerie with a climate change denier and he's taking it out on you. And he's worried about climate change, that's understandable, cut him some slack.

Re: Be Kind

#305

Post by YTc0YjY4MzBl »

eclipxe wrote: post #233
fsk wrote: post #216

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why bother learning how to write software? I should have focused on sales if that's the only skill that matters.

Welcome to Life 101. It's all about sales + skill. Skill is one part of the equation, necessary but not sufficient. Sales is the other part - unfortunately a great salesman can go very far without hard skills (to be fair, a great salesman has unique skills). This is a hard fact about life and something a lot of talented people realize way too late. Now you know. Focus on your pitch - ABC - always be closing. Every in…

"Every interaction in life is a transaction of some sort."

What about when a mother kisses her baby's head? What about when a friend offers a hug to someone who has just lost a loved one? What about when a kid gives a friendly smile to the kid who always gets bullied?

Are those transactions? Did those people get "good deals"?

Now I'm just some hyperbole-prone kid who isn't qualified to give advice to a Life Veteran like yourself, but I find myself wondering what you might learn if you stopped keeping score for awhile. In my experience, treating every interaction as a little game to maximize profit is a great way to scare away anyone who is interested in anything more worthwhile than profiting off of you.

Re: Be Kind

#306

Post by cma »

ffn wrote: post #121
mankyd wrote: post #4

I really like these two paragraphs towards the end: Being kind isn’t the same as being nice. It isn’t about superficial praise. It doesn’t mean dulling your opinions. And it shouldn’t diminish the passion with which you present them. Being kind is fundamentally about taking responsibility for your impact on the people around you. It requires you be mindful of their feelings and considerate of the way your presence af…

Yes, totally this. Moreover, I'd like to add anonymously down-voting / reporting someone's opinion just because it's not yours is just as mean-spirited as calling someone names. Every internet message board has its own culture with its own take on what's "right" and what's "wrong", and on HN (and reddit) the institutionally accepted way of being mean is misusing the downvoting / flagkilling system to attempt to bleep…

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=117171

Re: Be Kind

#307

Post by solve »

dang wrote: post #125
solve wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Being kind is fundamentally about taking responsibility for your impact on the people around you. Totally agree, especially in regard to when people share their projects on HN. The HN community moderation always seemed to be based on a very superficial rules - don't swear, don't mention banned keywords X Y or Z. Never have they seemed to seriously consider the impact that words have on other people, instead of just…

> The HN community moderation always seemed to be based on a very superficial rules - don't swear, don't mention banned keywords X Y or Z. Never have they seemed to seriously consider the impact that words have on other people Of course there's no rule against swearing. This whole description is so remote from everything we try to do that I'm at a loss to know what else to say.

Certain very strong community norms have formed here, whether you realize it, or whether it was intentional or not. Sorry, I meant "rule" just as something that is somehow enforced, empirically. Probably "rule" is completely the wrong word, as empirical actions can often be the opposite of the written rules.

Re: Be Kind

#308

Post by ffaust »

hashtree wrote: post #246
pdkl95 wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Being kind is fundamentally about taking responsibility for your impact on the people around you. > the start of a journey that is still ongoing Then you still have a long way to go on that journey, because you apparently have no idea the damage you've done to the world with Facebook. You have help lead people into undermining their own privacy, straight into the hands of a surveillance state. So keep on that journ…

I really hope there is a joke in there I am missing, besides the obvious irony in relation to the article content.

^^^thinks it would be kinder to netizens if 'Dan-o' found no means by which to facebook us...

Re: Be Kind

#309

Post by jorgearturo »

weaksauce wrote: post #295
ryandrake wrote: post #202

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A subset of your (a) that I see here a lot is when I write a 500 word essay arguing some point, and the first reply comes in and says something to the effect of: "On word 348, you said 'all'. Here's a counter-example that proves that you should have said 'some' instead! I found the word that is wrong in your statement! See? Your entire argument is invalid!" Nit-picking and pedantry is toxic in real life and on messag…

I agree with you 100%. They waste time and energy in a toxic way. Do you or anyone else on here have any ideas on how to fix it?

I've found that the most healthy way to deal with people that dismiss your entire argument/point/opinion by nit-picking your grammar (or similar) is to dismiss them back, kindly.

The kindly part is so important; their attitude shows that they don't have an open mind at the moment; dismissing kindly leaves a moral door open so that in the infrequent (but not rare) event that they'll have an open mind later in the day (or later in a lifetime), they may remember your reasoning and revisit the logic in their minds and agree with you, sometimes they acknowledge you merit for it and sometimes they don't, but when they do, bingo, you just made an intellectual ally, but that works only if you were kind and treated them with respect.

Pick your battles; If you insist on proving yourself right and antagonize people (remember even trolls are people) you make gratuitous enemies and waste resources in general; time, energy, focus, etc.

Trust me, I've turned foes into allies several times in my short lifetime. And more importantly, I've saved myself from wasting time and headaches. Kindness works miracles and saves time.

Be kind, rewind (your mind?).

And don't forget to read the welcomming page and the guidelines:

https://news.ycombinator.com/newswelcome.html

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: Be Kind

#310

Post by eclipxe »

YTc0YjY4MzBl wrote: post #305
eclipxe wrote: post #233

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Welcome to Life 101. It's all about sales + skill. Skill is one part of the equation, necessary but not sufficient. Sales is the other part - unfortunately a great salesman can go very far without hard skills (to be fair, a great salesman has unique skills). This is a hard fact about life and something a lot of talented people realize way too late. Now you know. Focus on your pitch - ABC - always be closing. Every in…

"Every interaction in life is a transaction of some sort." What about when a mother kisses her baby's head? What about when a friend offers a hug to someone who has just lost a loved one? What about when a kid gives a friendly smile to the kid who always gets bullied? Are those transactions? Did those people get "good deals"? Now I'm just some hyperbole-prone kid who isn't qualified to give advice to a Life Veteran l…

Of course those are all transactions. The helping hand, the caring kiss from the depths of motherly love, etc - they are win-win transactions. The baby gets comfort and love and the mother gets a dose of oxytocin to encourage further bonding. The friend offering a hug provides comfort and gets the good feelings of helping/offering comfort. Win-wins, but still a transaction, an exchange of value. Time, attention, love, care - these are all benefits that can be given and received.

Same with business - win-win transactions are best. When you provide something that others find valuable and you receive something valuable in return (loyalty, money, hype, etc) it's a good thing.

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