Whoa, this hit a little closer to home than I would have liked...
Be Kind
271–280 of 401 posts
Re: Be Kind
#272I don't agree with the author. Did that my first sentence above just hurt the feelings of the author or or many of the readers over here? Please read on. This kind of philosophies (be kind-hearted, be tolerant etc) are the ones making humanity loose their natural vigor and push people into unnatural soft-minded, lame and vulnerable population. These self-restricting rules makes you neutral and weak against someone wh…
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Re: Be Kind
#273Earlier quoted context omitted.
I don't think anyone thinks disagreement should lead to hurt feelings. There's a difference between being right and KIND and being right and a total ass. We live in a civil world and as much as you promote "natural vigor" as an anthesis to kindness, there are ways to have vigor and drive while also being kind and respected. Difficult? Yes, but as a society we should aspire to do great things while also having a regar…
My point is, you should not be unjust to others. And you should not be unjust to yourself. But you need not pretend to appease others just because they expect it. This messes up the whole communication. You are hiding your real feelings. They loose opportunity to learn and grow up. Infact this is more serious in case where the communication is across different cultures. People can't read the unsaid stuff. As a scoiet…
Disclaimer: I didn't downvote you, I just comment to offer some insight (unrequited perhaps).
You said:
>> People can't read the unsaid stuff.
>> feminized (weakened or neutralized)
And not sure about this one, but maybe also for sounding a bit like a nazi supremacist.
Being kind is not about displaying inferiority.
I don't think you're a bad fellow, but it sounds like, for you, it feels cool to consider yourself superior because you are "right" most of the times and you "win" a lot of arguments.
Many times you can end up thinking you were right because no one present was able to overthrow your reasoning, and sometimes you end up thinking you were right because you stated your arguments with "natural vigor" and people just lost motivation on engaging with you in conversation.
You might be of the opinion of "who cares about downvotes if I'm superior because I know I'm right", but you might consider caring about the message those downvotes entail in this particular case.
Why? To make it relevant to you: Because learning to read the unsaid stuff is powerful.
Also, consider the Dunning–Kruger effect.
Re: Be Kind
#274Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm going to write a follow up about how I wasn't mad about the feedback as much as I was mad nobody had told me sooner. We were a young company and didn't really have a management or mentorship skillset yet. We would all develop that together in the ensuing years and this was a major part of my motivation for pushing for it.
I still say that someone gave you a shit sandwich, and tricked you into believing that it tasted good.
I'm a lot happier. If that's a trick, I'm not mad about it.
Re: Be Kind
#275On of my co-founders advised me starting my first role as a CEO - "Listen." That one word changed how I perceive the world around me.
Sidenote: this is one of the most beautiful sites I have ever seen
Re: Be Kind
#276I really like these two paragraphs towards the end: Being kind isn’t the same as being nice. It isn’t about superficial praise. It doesn’t mean dulling your opinions. And it shouldn’t diminish the passion with which you present them. Being kind is fundamentally about taking responsibility for your impact on the people around you. It requires you be mindful of their feelings and considerate of the way your presence af…
Being kind also mean being more open-minded. I visit HN not to argue about the right or wrong, but to get more informed and educated. The more you know, the more you'll be humble and kind to those who you disagree with. The notion that there is not absolute correctness even for a most trivial problem may be hard for engineers to understand, but I've learned it the hard way. I've learned a lot and working better with…
> Being kind also mean being more open-minded.
Should I be more open-minded about climate change deniers when NASA has stated multiple times human activity is affecting it?
I have better things to do with my time.
Re: Be Kind
#277Earlier quoted context omitted.
I rather liked that book and want to disagree with many of the points it tries to make, but find myself choosing not to. It is not economically or socially beneficial for me to be as blunt as I am - but my personal morality triumphs over both of those. If someone is wrong, they are wrong and I will let them know they are wrong. It won't win me any friends and it isn't beneficial for me to be as blunt as I am - but I…
I strongly believe cooperation yields better long term outcomes for everyone, and because of that I pick low cost pro-social strategies over low cost anti-social strategies. I don't frame this as "trying to maximize use out of people". I think about it as sparing people from having unnecessary unpleasant interactions. I see telling people they're wrong as selfish. It's almost never necessary, and in a probabilistic s…
Why is it Nadya's responsibility to persuade or convince?
Re: Be Kind
#278Earlier quoted context omitted.
Not the OP, and cool story; however, what they're paid doesn't matter, it's a red herring. It's their JOB to deal with people and and it's not my job as a shopper to validate the emotions of the counter worker or my co-workers. Ring up my stuff, take my money, and let me leave. You're chastising him for his "attitude"; what attitude? He's correct and he didn't display any attitude other than simple honesty.
GP's attitude is the same attitude you have when you claim "it's their JOB to deal with people" and when you equate being nice to "[validating] the emotions of the counter worker". Sure, their job is to deal with shitty people with a smile, but it's also your job (as a nice, respectable member of society) to be a person who is pleasant to deal with.
One can be pleasant without being nice, nice is making an effort and is unnecessary for most public encounters with staff while in a store. However, even then, no it's not my job to be pleasant to deal with.
Re: Be Kind
#279Earlier quoted context omitted.
Not the OP, and cool story; however, what they're paid doesn't matter, it's a red herring. It's their JOB to deal with people and and it's not my job as a shopper to validate the emotions of the counter worker or my co-workers. Ring up my stuff, take my money, and let me leave. You're chastising him for his "attitude"; what attitude? He's correct and he didn't display any attitude other than simple honesty.
It's not your job to care about the emotions or inner world of anyone around you. But you'll find that life works much better if you do.
I agree.
Re: Be Kind
#280I don't agree with the author. Did that my first sentence above just hurt the feelings of the author or or many of the readers over here? Please read on. This kind of philosophies (be kind-hearted, be tolerant etc) are the ones making humanity loose their natural vigor and push people into unnatural soft-minded, lame and vulnerable population. These self-restricting rules makes you neutral and weak against someone wh…
I don't agree with you. I don't know what your environment is like, but I notice a lot of people who are pointlessly aggressive and competitive, or who premise their aggression on being right about something they're actually wrong about. That doesn't make these people stronger and it doesn't make the world better. It would work better if everyone just focused on doing their own best job, and constantly checked themse…
Women are not weaker? Ofcourse, physically they are. Otherwise why do we have sport events segregated by sex? There is a reason why they are weaker sex.
This one more instance how everyone has been educated/trained to pretend that women are not weaker. And how women are educated to feel offended if they are called weaker sex.