Yes, totally change your life...but slowly, slowly.
HN Help: I'm lost
221–230 of 272 posts
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#222Earlier quoted context omitted.
That's probably true for average joes. But I'm guessing the OP is far more motivated by making an impact in the world than average. Personally, I get 70% of my happiness from making a difference in the world and building great stuff, and 30% from relationships. (Despite that, my lifetime average length of relationship is 4.3 years. It could be worse.) I found that my life improved when I accepted that ratio and organ…
That's probably true for average joes You mean the correlates? Yes, you're right. But it probably helps the 2-sigma people too. More importantly, it's immediate, and depends on nobody else's aid or acquiescence. Personally, I get 70% of my happiness from making a difference in the world and building great stuff I'd be really interested to know how you figured this out. If I knew something like that about myself with…
It's a guess. I decided I needed a specific number, because being pulled in several directions all the time is hard, and it's hardest when the pull is between work and relationships. Having a slightly wrong target number for work/relationship balance is better than having no number at all.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#223Every five or six years or so I purposefully turn my whole life upside-down, just to avoid the chances of getting stuck in a rut. It's not for everybody, it almost certainly will mess up your chances with 'striking it rich' because inevitably you'll be starting from 0 up again. I've been very lucky in always having the backing of those around me whenever I do this.
I assume you do not have a family...
I'm married and have a 5 year old son. When I finally settled into a family, some aspects changed but I had already been living life as an entrepreneur for close to 20 years and my wife accepts and supports this. My family is healthy and happy and we are not worried about paying bills.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#224I am you. I'm in my early 40s. I worked for BigCorp 11 years in my position. I had a long commute. I made lots of money. I have a house and 3 small children. I wasn't seeing enough of my kids. BigCorp is outsourcing to India. I wasn't in jeopardy of loosing my particular job, but I wasn't allowed to program. I had to get the work done through the development teams in India. My immediate boss was ok, the guy a couple up from me I considered completely incompetent. I hated my job. I can't tell you how bad.
6 weeks ago I walked into the bosses office and resigned. He tried all manner of stuff to get me to stay. I wouldn't do it. Previous to me walking in there I had been thinking about in my own head. "If they would pay me BIG $$ would I stay on for this latest disaster project, and get my bonus for this year?" The answer was NOPE. So by the time I walked in there the ship was already sunk and my boss couldn't save it. I had no job to go to. Interestingly my boss gave up after a few minutes and told me good luck, and he felt his job sucked to and shook my hand. My co workers also congratulated me and I left on good terms.
6 weeks later. I have some savings, my house is nearly paid for and my payment is small anyway. I can make it for a while without doing anything different to our monthly budget. I will need to figure out health insurance soon. That is the biggest thing on my plate. Something else happened. I slowly realized that the pain at work had crept up on me a little at time for about 2 or 3 years. I was like the frog in the slowly heated pot, I was dying there. I feel 100% better now. I can't even tell you how much. I have all sorts of ideas that I might try and do. In the spring I will find some sort of job just to buy the groceries. You couldn't drag me back to where I was with a team of horses and I was making north of 100k base, plus bonuses, and nobody was really telling me what to do. Yet still it was not worth it.
The time with ones kids and family are worth way more than the money. Being able to sit and decide what I might do is exciting. I mean I feel the best I have felt in some years, and I am unemployed with no prospects. I am a happy man.
Don't do anything crazy just because of me, but I am you 6 weeks later...
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#225Demien Katz has a similar story, you can watch the whole presentation here: http://www.infoq.com/presentations/katz-couchdb-and-me it's really inspiring.
This is a great video - 100% worth watching.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#226Earlier quoted context omitted.
There's also potentially some pride to swallow, but it's badly placed pride in the first place. The life-prevalence of perfect mental health is near zero. Gender and race discrimination have mostly been tackled, sexual orientation is on it's way. Mental disorders will be the next milestone IMO. All the best to the lost sheep :-)
There's also potentially some pride to swallow, but it's badly placed pride in the first place. The life-prevalence of perfect mental health is near zero. It's not just a matter of pride; for my sake is a certain amount of skepticism in what all has been pathologized. Regardless of what motives, or who's, you might believe is a result of this, we seem hasty in pinning on conditions and prescribing meds. That behavior…
Clinical psychologist do not prescribe drugs (at least not yet), so your concerns would only apply with psychiatrists. Clinical psychologists help individuals tweak the ways they think and behave using "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)", a therapy the author of this post might benefit from.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#227Every five or six years or so I purposefully turn my whole life upside-down, just to avoid the chances of getting stuck in a rut. It's not for everybody, it almost certainly will mess up your chances with 'striking it rich' because inevitably you'll be starting from 0 up again. I've been very lucky in always having the backing of those around me whenever I do this.
I'm really interested in this. How do you deal with stopping doing something you're half way to getting good at (c.f. it takes 10 years to get good at anything)?
- Are you just a freakish genius,
- or do you not consider the feeling of mastery to be essential to happiness,
- or do you continue to build up existing skills AND turn your life upside-down at the same time?
I'd love to be able to turn my life upside-down, but I'm addicted to getting better at certain things and would hate to stagnate..
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#228Wow, this post hit a nerve.
I felt the same way two years ago, so I'm starting a company.
It's called The Fireworks Project, and it is a member owned and member managed corporation. We're formed under the Vermont Project (http://lawlab.org/digital-institutions/vermont-project/) as a digital corporation.
I work from home, I'm married, I'm 31 years old, I have a 6 month old son, and I'm really excited about what The Fireworks Project is building.
Check it out (http://www.fireworksproject.com)
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#229This sounds a lot like my situation. I think it is more common than people admit. I can only tell you what I am doing. I told my wife how I feel. I told my boss how I feel. Strangely, my boss had a lot more power to improve my situation than my wife did. Admittedly, he is a good boss. I'm working from home about one day a week, and I've been able to control more of my projects. But my wife is 20 weeks pregnant with u…
I just had to accept that my self-identity needs to change
You're a brave guy, that takes guts.
Re: HN Help: I'm lost
#230I don't own my home, I don't have lots of savings, I have a job with a difficult boss. Because of the hours I work and commuting I barely see my children. I am utterly unhappy with my life.
This does not seem to be an unusual position, a lot of people are in the exact same boat.
The simple and somewhat contrite answer is, stick it out while looking for a better opportunity. The better opportunity could be working for yourself or for a great boss, it doesn't matter. The key point I'm trying to make is that you're not unusual and it's very common to be in exactly your situation.