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Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

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Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#91

Post by zak_mc_kracken »

eli wrote: post #35
beenpoor wrote: post #18

I will go out on my limb here. It was a mistake on his part. See if you are willing to let him go with a caution. I know everyone is crying for blood and it is justified. Going to HR will likely ruin his resume for life (possibly).

HR exists for addressing problems like this. You absolutely should talk to them. I don't think it will "ruin his life" but whatever action is taken (if any) is ultimately up to his bosses. This is unacceptable behavior and if no one ever says anything about it, there's no reason to think it won't continue.

> HR exists for addressing problems like this.

They address problems for this for the company. HR is there to defend the company, not the employees.

Letting HR know about the incident will likely cause this person to be terminated.

I'm not saying OP should or should not do it, just clarifying the consequences.

Personally, I think what this guy did is

- a bit creepy

- pretty mean since he probably turned her down so he could ask her out

Having said that, what he did is NOT

- sexual harassment (there is no authority relationship at play)

- abuse of power

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#92

Post by kelukelugames »

BadassFractal wrote: post #50

I'd also add it's possible some of these men are desperate for a date, given how hard it to get one in some areas of the country that are heavy in tech. He knows he shouldn't, but he's desperate.

This is why gender imbalance is bad for everyone involved. Not saying there should be more women in tech so men can find dates. The point is being around more women at work will help people learn what is socially appropriate.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#93

Post by ddoolin »

zorpner wrote: post #86
woof wrote: post #45

I don't see the drama, but then again I'm a guy (40+). If he just waited a few weeks with that second mail, we could hardly fault him for being unprofessional could we? I don't believe she would have gotten then job with another interviewer (the "more experience" part sounds plausible). And if she was a really interesting candidate, another tech screen or phone interview would be natural. I'd tell any friend to say "…

Boy, you're really going out of your way to defend some guy you don't know who already admitted that what he did was wrong.

Because there's more at stake here than just "some guy who admitted he was wrong." People are jumping on this as yet another example of how horribly "male" the entire industry, how hostile it is to females, etc.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#94

Post by zak_mc_kracken »

pyrocat wrote: post #67
jarin wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'll take the risk of being buried along with beenpoor, but I should point out that asking someone out once is not harassment. Harassment is asking them out repeatedly after being turned down (i.e. it is known to be unwelcome). Not making any excuses for what interviewer guy did at all, that was still pretty slimy.

So making sexual advances in a professional setting is A-OK, as long as you only do it once per person?

It's not sexual advances.

It's not in a professional setting.

Not saying that what he did is OK (it's not) but let's keep our facts straight.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#95

Post by beeworker »

jackmaney wrote: post #88
al45tair wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What’s wrong with just telling him it’s inappropriate and that the answer is no?

Because he needs to face consequences for his behavior. He's a massive liability to his company.

What if he's a 10x engineer? He's a massive PR liability because of our insane outrage culture, but he's a very valuable asset for, you know, his actual job.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#96

Post by tzs »

ihsw wrote: post #5

* Say no. * Forward copies of emails to the company's leadership/HR department. * Keep printed copies of the emails handy in case he decides to retaliate with lawyers. * Keep your own legal counsel on speed-dial. * Move on with your life. There's not much you can do from a legal standpoint, with regards to grievance/redress. Escalating the situation through contacting his boss/HR carries a risk, even though you have…

> * Keep your own legal counsel on speed-dial.

What scenario are you envisioning where she might need to save the 15 seconds it would take to dial from the contacts app?

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#97

Post by codeduck »

cglee wrote: post #46
codeduck wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Small company, he's a programmer - primary interviewer is busy (something came up) - asks another technical person to cover for him. Happens all the time in startups / small companies.

Question isn't if it happens all the time in small companies. What's under discussion is whether this is what we want in our (the startup/tech) industry, whether this is ok, or if there's something we should try to do about it. First step is awareness, then next step is recognizing there's a problem. Your comment stops at the first step.

I was pointing out that the fact that this guy was conducting interviews was understandable in the context of a small company - I have picked up interviews for team members before when they were unable to make them.

I meant no implication about it being acceptable in small companies - it is unacceptable everywhere.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#98

Post by zak_mc_kracken »

genofon wrote: post #68
woof wrote: post #45

I don't see the drama, but then again I'm a guy (40+). If he just waited a few weeks with that second mail, we could hardly fault him for being unprofessional could we? I don't believe she would have gotten then job with another interviewer (the "more experience" part sounds plausible). And if she was a really interesting candidate, another tech screen or phone interview would be natural. I'd tell any friend to say "…

>I don't believe she would have gotten then job with another interviewer (the "more experience" part sounds plausible). please don't speculate, as she said if they were looking for "more experience" why would he interviewed her in the first place? He also admitted that her cv was interesting >(If he's that creepy, he'd get her the job and hit on her then) hitting on a co-worker is much more complicated than hitting o…

> He is clearly abusing his position of power

He holds no position of power over her after the interview is over.

Obviously, he would if he had asked her out in the middle of the interview (now that would be way worse).

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#99

Post by mikeash »

baddox wrote: post #84
mikeash wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's always an implied "maybe this rejection could be altered" even if the interviewer intends no such thing.

Can you explain that claim, and is that claim in any way falsifiable?

Explain it? Sure. There's always subtexts in human interactions. Pressure doesn't have to be explicit. When a policeman tells you to pull over, there's an implied "or you'll be arrested" that we all understand even though he never comes out and says so. When your crappy boss asks you to come work overtime on the weekend without any additional pay, there's an implied "or I'll make your life at this company difficult, or maybe just fire you" that he usually doesn't need to state.

Your crappy boss might not mean it that way. He might be asking with absolutely pure intent, with the idea that you'll say no if you don't want to come in, and you'd work extra because you like it, or believe in the company, or whatever. But it doesn't matter, the implication is still there, because of the power he holds.

Now, you get rejected from an interview. Shortly after, the interviewer asks you for a favor. There is an implied "if you do this for me, I might reconsider the rejection." Again, he might not mean it, but it's still there, because he has that power. Or at least you have good reason to think he has that power.

Is this claim falsifiable? Beats me. Ask a sociologist if you want to get scientific about it.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#100

Post by mikeash »

woof wrote: post #59
mikeash wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's implicit in the very fact of asking in that situation. Your response, and the neighboring one from ddoolin, is the equivalent of "I wasn't threatening her, I just always hold a knife in my hand like that." The proper thing to do here if you really wanted to ask her out on a date is not to do it . There's plenty of other women out there you can meet in a more appropriate setting. There is no acceptable reason to…

>I wasn't threatening her, I just always hold a knife in my hand like that He threw away the knife when he told her the was looking for someone with more experience.

That presumes that the outcome of an interview is set in stone the moment it's decided. That is not how things actually work.
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