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Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

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Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#31

Post by baddox »

ddoolin wrote: post #13
mikeash wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Real men do not abuse a position of power to pressure women into accepting a date.

Your opening is a logical fallacy ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_true_Scotsman ). Anyway, she was already told she wouldn't be hired there. The OP also doesn't mention that it was an exchange of favors (i.e. Go on a date with me and I'll get you this job).

You've just misused the no true scotsman fallacy. The no true scotsman fallacy is when someone attempts to apply an unreasonable/unlikely interpretation to a previous claim when presented with a counterexample to the reasonable interpretation of that claim. It is not simply any claim of the form "all/no members of group X have property Y."

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#32

Post by archagon »

beenpoor wrote: post #18

I will go out on my limb here. It was a mistake on his part. See if you are willing to let him go with a caution. I know everyone is crying for blood and it is justified. Going to HR will likely ruin his resume for life (possibly).

I think this perspective is at least worth discussing.

On the other hand,

a) He's in his 30's and should know better.

b) He has no rapport with OP and knows basically nothing about her.

c) This is a pattern of behavior that women in the industry have to deal with all the time, not just an isolated incident. (See the comments in the thread.)

When I look at issues like this as a guy, I have to remind myself that "feeling sorry for the perpetrator" is in fact one of the many anti-patterns that leads to this kind of hostile environment in the first place. So I cannot judge the victim for whatever decision she makes.

Were I in her shoes, I would probably send the guy a harshly-worded e-mail instead of escalating to HR. I don't like the idea of someone losing their job over a really dumb decision they made in the heat of the moment. But I am not a woman and I haven't had to go through life getting worn down by dozens of incidents like this one, so my perspective here is kind of meaningless.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#34

Post by pm90 »

beenpoor wrote: post #28
ihsw wrote: post #5

* Say no. * Forward copies of emails to the company's leadership/HR department. * Keep printed copies of the emails handy in case he decides to retaliate with lawyers. * Keep your own legal counsel on speed-dial. * Move on with your life. There's not much you can do from a legal standpoint, with regards to grievance/redress. Escalating the situation through contacting his boss/HR carries a risk, even though you have…

Seriously ? All for asking her on a date ? I don't see any harassment or any kind of quid pro quo. Mistakes happen all the time.

Its not a mistake, he admits in the email that what he's doing is not OK.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#35

Post by eli »

beenpoor wrote: post #18

I will go out on my limb here. It was a mistake on his part. See if you are willing to let him go with a caution. I know everyone is crying for blood and it is justified. Going to HR will likely ruin his resume for life (possibly).

HR exists for addressing problems like this. You absolutely should talk to them. I don't think it will "ruin his life" but whatever action is taken (if any) is ultimately up to his bosses. This is unacceptable behavior and if no one ever says anything about it, there's no reason to think it won't continue.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#36

Post by ddoolin »

baddox wrote: post #31
ddoolin wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your opening is a logical fallacy ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_true_Scotsman ). Anyway, she was already told she wouldn't be hired there. The OP also doesn't mention that it was an exchange of favors (i.e. Go on a date with me and I'll get you this job).

You've just misused the no true scotsman fallacy. The no true scotsman fallacy is when someone attempts to apply an unreasonable/unlikely interpretation to a previous claim when presented with a counterexample to the reasonable interpretation of that claim. It is not simply any claim of the form "all/no members of group X have property Y."

I see your point -- thanks for the explanation (and neighboring comment from mike).

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#37

Post by mikeash »

baddox wrote: post #24
mikeash wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Real men do not abuse a position of power to pressure women into accepting a date.

Given that she was already turned down for the job, I see this more as an absurd lack of professional propriety than an abuse of power. It would also be extremely inappropriate for a candidate to ask an interviewer out on a date. Of course, if the job rejection is in any way related to the subsequent date-asking (or anything other than her alleged lack of experience), then the situation is different (and even more me…

There's always an implied "maybe this rejection could be altered" even if the interviewer intends no such thing.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#38

Post by venomsnake »

mikeash wrote: post #8
RDeckard wrote: post #4

I see nothing wrong with what he did. She was not hired for objective reasons. The fact that he asked her out after is completely orthogonal. Are there any MEN left on HN?

Real men do not abuse a position of power to pressure women into accepting a date.

How can he abuse position of power if he asked her out after he turned her down for the job? He does not have a shred of power over her. If it was before he told her she is unsuitable- it is different case.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#39

Post by jerf »

Archio wrote: post #19

What the fuck? How does this shit happen? How on earth does someone, male or female, get into such a state that they think it is appropriate to do something like this in a professional setting? Can someone explain to me how this works? I'm male in a male-dominated industry, and of course I don't give a damn what people look like and treat everyone with respect. The problem is, I don't believe a single one of my male…

Go read your local court blotter or something. You would apparently be surprised what actually exists in the world. We don't have laws against this sort of thing because nobody ever does them. We more have laws against this sort of thing because it's perfectly "natural" (as in "the way nature has made us", not "good").

"Where the hell do these people come from, and how can this be stopped?"

Everywhere, and it can't be stopped. Only slowed down, and reparations made and justice done after-the-fact, but stopping it is not on the table. Which is part of why getting too emotional in one instance isn't all that helpful... you literally wouldn't have time to hear about every single problem of this caliber that occurs somewhere in the world because you literally can not take the information in that quickly.

Re: Best way to handle interviewer asking me out on a date after tech screen?

#40

Post by pavel_lishin »

beenpoor wrote: post #28
ihsw wrote: post #5

* Say no. * Forward copies of emails to the company's leadership/HR department. * Keep printed copies of the emails handy in case he decides to retaliate with lawyers. * Keep your own legal counsel on speed-dial. * Move on with your life. There's not much you can do from a legal standpoint, with regards to grievance/redress. Escalating the situation through contacting his boss/HR carries a risk, even though you have…

Seriously ? All for asking her on a date ? I don't see any harassment or any kind of quid pro quo. Mistakes happen all the time.

He wasted the time of a potential employee, and made her feel very uncomfortable with unprofessional behavior. Plus, he admitted that what he was doing was wrong - presumably against company policy, as well as in general being a shitty thing to do.

From a pure "what's good for the company" consideration alone, at the very least someone from HR needs to have another talk to him about what's acceptable or not - he could be driving away other potential employees, and setting the company up for lawsuits.

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