Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Suicidal Software Developer

pastebin.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

161–170 of 258 posts

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#161

Post by reinier_s4g »

AnimalMuppet wrote: post #156
reinier_s4g wrote: post #148

I would recommend you to grab your saved money, get a plane to south america and try Ayahuasca in the amazonian jungle, you will find purpose.

Suicide is not the answer, but drugs aren't, either.

"drugs" ....hmmm... I assume you haven't done your homework about Ayahuasca. Shamans in south-america call it "the medicine", and the Ayahuasca ceremony is a very serious one. You can search for studies and stories (all over the internet), the reported results are usually far more helpful than any other traditional treatment. We use "drugs" every day, it is just a matter of using the right one for the right reason.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#162

Post by etjossem »

nomedeplume wrote: post #111

For a heterosexual man, a woman can't be your identity. Most heterosexual women need a partner with their own identity, one that she can merge with (she may temporarily settle for a partner who functions with her as their identity, but then she'll be unhappy, leave, cheat, or fantasize about cheating, or just be using the partner for other reasons). This is tough advice to swallow especially if your woman is your ide…

  > "For a heterosexual man, a woman can't be your identity."
  > "Most heterosexual women need a partner with their own identity, 
    one that she can merge with."
Read those back and forth until you see the double standard.

We can argue all day about whether it's healthy to depend on a partner to complete your identity. But you don't get to speak for what "most heterosexual women need," especially if you're a guy. None of us are on the set of Mad Men; we're in the real world, and what we say matters.

I might not have my 500 karma yet, but I know when to downvote.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#163

Post by saraid216 »

gobots wrote: post #117
saraid216 wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's still learning about religion from people who want to remove religion. It's akin to trying to understand homosexuality by asking Bryan Fischer. It's fine to educate yourself on their viewpoints and even to agree with them, but don't pretend that you're learning anything about religion. You're learning about atheism. I'd recommend checking out Karen Armstrong, Joseph Campbell, or Stephen Prothero, off the top of…

Ah, I understand what you are saying. The problem is that, I truly don't believe in gods or spirits anymore. Without gods and spirits, what is the point of religion? I consider myself to be a secular humanist. How Religion Poisons Everything is "slanted" in a way to be sure, but I actually agree with the arguments presented in the book. What do I stand to gain from studying other religions closely?

> Ah, I understand what you are saying.

No, I don't think you do.

> The problem is that, I truly don't believe in gods or spirits anymore.

Neither do I. I don't see how that's relevant to learning the subject matter that you're claiming to learn. You don't read a book about Java and say that you now understand Haskell. You don't read a book about real-time embedded systems and come away with an understanding of CSS. You don't read a book by Dawkins and claim to have increased your understanding of Sikhism.

> What do I stand to gain from studying other religions closely?

I don't know. What do you want to gain? Why are you studying religion at all, if you have no intention of studying religion?

If you want to study atheism, that's fine. Study atheism. But unless you think that atheism is a kind of religion (which, last I checked, it is not), then you are not studying religion.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#164

Post by mimicoctopus2 »

In short -- quit the fking job right away, Sir !

Why? You seem to like logic but continuing in this job is making you incoherent. Look at the following two statements:

1: "I find myself alone in a flat full of boxes no longer having a purpose"

2: "The loneliness of being unemployed worries me"

That doesn't sound very logical. Loneliness is always measured in absolute terms. You're either lonely or you're not. Since you are (having used the word 4 times in that post), why worry about an empty transition? Specially when it can change things for better.

Now let me give you a couple of reasons to live for, even if you think your life currently doesn't have any meaning.

1) Shit happens ! That's the most ugly and the most beautiful thing about human life. It doesn't let you be absolutely sure about anything. All you can do is just play your best game or sometimes even just watch yourself being thrown around. Now I agree that life can be a total bitch sometimes and not give us a break at all but that's what you signed up for. buddy! The choices you've made have gotten you at this point but you're still the one holding the reins. Just turn the damn horse around.

2: Death is boring ..while life is full of possibilities. Somebody here suggested trying the Milky Way at night in the middle of a desert. I'll bet that's something you don't wanna die without seeing it in real at least once. And there're a thousand other things you'll not be able to stop yourself from fantasizing about. Human connections do feel like everything but they just can't be everything there is. There's obviously so much more going on. Be patient, give it more time and it'll turn it's good side to you too.

3: Being -- Imagine the day your mother gave birth to you. Your parents must have been the proudest people in London that day. Imagine your parents holding you in their hands, a long montage of all the happy memories must have ran through their heads in a second--the things they're about to experience while raising you, watching you grow, succeed, fail and then learn stuff from it and much later become a man of the family some day. That's all still true, dude. Don't take this away from them and don't take this away from yourself when you still have a chance of making this a happy ending. May be even happier than a Bollywood movie ending. :)

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#165

Post by fallinghawks »

Fuxy wrote: post #129
gobots wrote: post #11

I had struggled with untreated suicidal depression for 15 years. I was very quiet about it. I am a web developer. Three years ago I was divorced from my wife, left my birth religion and quit my job. On top of all my issues I was suffering from burnout – I hadn't had a vacation in years. Since I was the religious guy at my job I worked the holidays and was promised make up time. Company policy shifted at some point an…

That was my first thought actually while reading the pastebin. He has to become more selfish and find a calling that doesn't involve any other people. He dedicated his entire life purpose to raising a family with his girlfriend, admirable but that's a huge goal dependent on just one person. Find something that motivates you, that make life wort living. Making money is not a goal/life purpose it's a means to an end. I…

Deep & abiding happiness only comes from within.

I just deleted a lengthy bit of writing to condense my personal experience to:

It was a ~2 year period of intense, repeated betrayal.

I would just start crying intensely with no obvious trigger. It was like a panic attack, but with unhappiness.

I really wanted to die and make it be over. But I'm too much of a coward to commit suicide.

I had a really good friend who always answered my phone calls and for that I am immensely grateful.

It took another 2 years to learn to be okay with being alone. I got myself on a pretty intense personal project (raising & training a goshawk), stayed focused on that, and ended up with a huge success there. I put myself to lot of smaller projects (home improvement type stuff) and learned I could do these things alone and have fun. I actually started appreciating alone time because I had permission to do anything I wanted to do. When I started dating again sometimes it seemed more like an imposition on my time.

I'm in a happy relationship now and more importantly am enjoying life. The latter is enhanced by the former, but the relationship is not required.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#166

Post by AnimalMuppet »

reinier_s4g wrote: post #161
AnimalMuppet wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Suicide is not the answer, but drugs aren't, either.

"drugs" ....hmmm... I assume you haven't done your homework about Ayahuasca. Shamans in south-america call it "the medicine", and the Ayahuasca ceremony is a very serious one. You can search for studies and stories (all over the internet), the reported results are usually far more helpful than any other traditional treatment. We use "drugs" every day, it is just a matter of using the right one for the right reason.

Sure, I know all that. It's a ceremony, and there are shamans. And it's a hallucinogenic drug. There are people who claim it's helpful; there are people who say the same about meth.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#167

Post by gobots »

saraid216 wrote: post #163
gobots wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ah, I understand what you are saying. The problem is that, I truly don't believe in gods or spirits anymore. Without gods and spirits, what is the point of religion? I consider myself to be a secular humanist. How Religion Poisons Everything is "slanted" in a way to be sure, but I actually agree with the arguments presented in the book. What do I stand to gain from studying other religions closely?

> Ah, I understand what you are saying. No, I don't think you do. > The problem is that, I truly don't believe in gods or spirits anymore. Neither do I. I don't see how that's relevant to learning the subject matter that you're claiming to learn. You don't read a book about Java and say that you now understand Haskell. You don't read a book about real-time embedded systems and come away with an understanding of CSS.…

God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything and the God Delusion are books about religion. I mentioned a few authors that I have read whose books cover either science, religion or a mixture of the two. I will grant you that I am not making a hard study into comparative religion and certainly did not mean to imply otherwise.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#168

Post by oakaz »

Here is my recommendation; take a trip to some countries that you have never visited. Highly recommended. Istanbul, Cario, Tblisi, spend the money on pleasing yourself instead of family.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#169

Post by oakaz »

Here is my recommendation; take a trip to some countries that you have never visited. Highly recommended. Istanbul, Cario, Tblisi, spend the money on pleasing yourself instead of family.

Re: Suicidal Software Developer

#170

Post by Udo »

gobots wrote: post #110
igravious wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Out of blatant curiosity I'd like to know how you came about leaving your birth religion. Any Jehovah's Witnesses I've met seem to be so ideologically committed to that religion that I have a hard time imagining how anyone could reach a place where they stopped identifying with it. Care to shed some light on this? Also, thanks for sharing!

The internet and some really shitty people that I worked with a while back saved me. Here's a bit of backstory. I believed 100% that I would never get old or die because Armageddon would come before then, the Earth would be restored to a paradise and sickness / death would be wiped out for good. I started preaching from door to door at age 5 and was baptized at age 11. My parents have been in since 8 years old, and t…

I'm just commenting to say that this is a very deeply inspiring story, thanks for sharing your experience. I too had assumed that religious fundamentalists are mostly immune to facts and essentially get a mental root kit installed which is unbreakable. Hearing that you managed to break out of this (all by yourself no less) makes me a bit more hopeful for our species' future. Again, thank you for that.
Post reply on HN