I heard a good joke about this: when you're 20, you're obsessed with what others think about you. When you're 40, you don't give a damn what others think about you. When you're 60, you realize others were never thinking about you at all.
I hesitate to quote Ayn Rand, but it's fitting: "Mr. Roark, we’re alone here. Why don’t you tell me what you think of me? In any words you wish. No one will hear us." "But I don’t think of you." -Ellsworth Toohey and Howard Roark, The Fountainhead , Ayn Rand
"Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person." -- Mark Twain
I had a talk with a friend recently who is newly single, and it was clear to me that Facebook was making her crazy. She kept asking me questions about what people that were friends with her and her ex thought of her, or were saying behind her back, or were posting about her in a way that she couldn't see. It was an uphill battle, but I finally convinced her of the truth: nobody really talked about her or her ex that…
Just for fun, I'd like to throw in my opposite experience. A few years ago I was quite active on FB, you know, posting random thoughts and music videos and stuff like that. The stuff I posted was indeed random, just things I liked and wanted to share based on mood and ...well randomness. But unbeknownst to be, an acquaintance of mine, who was at the time engaged in a horribly soapy love triangle, got it into her head…
Isn't it the same cause from a different perspective? She thought people (you) were talking about her.
We've a natural tendency to be egocentric because whenever we look around... we are at the centre. Happens at all scales e.g. geocentricism, anthropomorphism.
I had a talk with a friend recently who is newly single, and it was clear to me that Facebook was making her crazy. She kept asking me questions about what people that were friends with her and her ex thought of her, or were saying behind her back, or were posting about her in a way that she couldn't see. It was an uphill battle, but I finally convinced her of the truth: nobody really talked about her or her ex that…
This is true. However, in some cases, the short amount of time people think and talk about you is enough to cause permanent damage to your reputation/career/job/life.
I'm also 35 and feel exactly the same way. This often gets me in trouble with my wife when she exclaims "how could x have done y!" and I proceed to stick my foot in mouth by saying "maybe they were thinking z".
Hmmmm, it sounds like she may want empathy and the ability to vent rather than any sort of solution or analysis. That's something that I've struggled with in the past but I think I'm getting better at.
Women (especially significant others) tend to want you to agree with them, not with the person they're complaining about.
Don't give an objective analysis of the situation with an account of the other person's point of view, especially if your wife or girlfriend is in the midst of emotionally venting. It won't be appreciated.
Once she's cooled off and feels listened to and heard, then you can start to reintroduce logical analysis and 'what was the other party thinking and why did they do what they did'. But not right away.
Ahh - I love Tim Kreider. Find him hilarious, poignant, extremely witty, and intelligent. Mentioned elsewhere, but if it helps drive more people to his site, here it is: http://thepaincomics.com/
Never heard of him,
"The context is that I had rented a herd of goats for reasons that aren’t relevant here and had sent out a mass e-mail with photographs of the goats attached to illustrate that a) I had goats, and b) it was good."
I had a talk with a friend recently who is newly single, and it was clear to me that Facebook was making her crazy. She kept asking me questions about what people that were friends with her and her ex thought of her, or were saying behind her back, or were posting about her in a way that she couldn't see. It was an uphill battle, but I finally convinced her of the truth: nobody really talked about her or her ex that…
Just for fun, I'd like to throw in my opposite experience. A few years ago I was quite active on FB, you know, posting random thoughts and music videos and stuff like that. The stuff I posted was indeed random, just things I liked and wanted to share based on mood and ...well randomness. But unbeknownst to be, an acquaintance of mine, who was at the time engaged in a horribly soapy love triangle, got it into her head…
While you do not connect the dots, you have them all in your description. People were willing to believe her, because they wanted to be the fourth angle. By being in a triangle she was sending the message that a fourth angle is possible. By creating this story about you she was actually reinforcing that signal, making this possibility a discussion subject. Men are notoriously keen to have sex, especially on the age implied, and her behaviour was very promising. On the other hand, keep in mind that there is no randomness in thoughts or feelings you express. What you felt random could instead be serendipitous and she might even be right, but not in presenting that as something intentional.
Just for fun, I'd like to throw in my opposite experience. A few years ago I was quite active on FB, you know, posting random thoughts and music videos and stuff like that. The stuff I posted was indeed random, just things I liked and wanted to share based on mood and ...well randomness. But unbeknownst to be, an acquaintance of mine, who was at the time engaged in a horribly soapy love triangle, got it into her head…
While you do not connect the dots, you have them all in your description. People were willing to believe her, because they wanted to be the fourth angle. By being in a triangle she was sending the message that a fourth angle is possible. By creating this story about you she was actually reinforcing that signal, making this possibility a discussion subject. Men are notoriously keen to have sex, especially on the age i…
Wow. That's a solid "no" on pretty much every single point you made.
Just for fun, I'd like to throw in my opposite experience. A few years ago I was quite active on FB, you know, posting random thoughts and music videos and stuff like that. The stuff I posted was indeed random, just things I liked and wanted to share based on mood and ...well randomness. But unbeknownst to be, an acquaintance of mine, who was at the time engaged in a horribly soapy love triangle, got it into her head…
While you do not connect the dots, you have them all in your description. People were willing to believe her, because they wanted to be the fourth angle. By being in a triangle she was sending the message that a fourth angle is possible. By creating this story about you she was actually reinforcing that signal, making this possibility a discussion subject. Men are notoriously keen to have sex, especially on the age i…
serendipity: a stroke of luck, typically beneficial.
I’ve often thought that the single most devastating cyberattack [would be] simply to simultaneously make every e-mail and text ever sent universally public. . . . . the fabric of society would instantly evaporate, every marriage, friendship and business partnership dissolved. I don't think it would be quite that bad. There are some people who lie to everyone, but there are also some people who are decent and honest.…
I started a reddit thread once, "who here has absolutely no secrets with their SO?" While there were a number who couldnt imagine that kind of trust, a multitude said that living that was is incredibly freeing. I know I agree with that.