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I Know What You Think of Me

opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com

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Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#11

Post by dasil003 »

earbitscom wrote: post #9
criswell wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We judge others by their actions, ourselves by our intentions.

I tend not to do this, which is why I find myself at age 35 with practically no grudges held and very few people who I cannot tolerate or even appreciate. It also makes it easier to recognize whether something is reconcilable in business, with employees, etc. Accidents happen, people make mistakes. I often find that unless I truly believe something was done out of malice, I have very little problem getting over it qu…

I'm also 35 and feel exactly the same way. This often gets me in trouble with my wife when she exclaims "how could x have done y!" and I proceed to stick my foot in mouth by saying "maybe they were thinking z".

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#12

Post by mateo411 »

obviouslygreen wrote: post #2

This is a great article. Not good, great. It's a simple and objective look at a very difficult truth: It's so very easy (and, in the author's assessment -- which I agree with -- so very normal) to look at yourself as the exception, and to ignore or simply be ignorant of your own flaws, while eagerly pointing out those of others. I keep learning more about myself (not the pleasant things, of course) because of this so…

Tim Kreider is an excellent writer and enjoyable to read. He is adept at weaving philosophy, humor, and personal anecdotes together into a great essay. If you like this, keep reading his work.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#13

Post by nostromo »

I had a talk with a friend recently who is newly single, and it was clear to me that Facebook was making her crazy. She kept asking me questions about what people that were friends with her and her ex thought of her, or were saying behind her back, or were posting about her in a way that she couldn't see.

It was an uphill battle, but I finally convinced her of the truth: nobody really talked about her or her ex that much at all. And what was said was trite and banal, "Oh, I'm sad they broke up..."

This was a bit of revelation for her.

I think people that obsess over what is said about them behind their backs should take that to heart. The truth is you probably spend a lot less time in people's thoughts than you think you do.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#14

Post by robg »

I often struggle with the most basic question of them all: Who am I?

To me, how I live my life is the only way to answer that attempt at self-reflection. Yet, we are not what we do. That's the dodge that plagues me.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#15

Post by bitops »

nostromo wrote: post #13

I had a talk with a friend recently who is newly single, and it was clear to me that Facebook was making her crazy. She kept asking me questions about what people that were friends with her and her ex thought of her, or were saying behind her back, or were posting about her in a way that she couldn't see. It was an uphill battle, but I finally convinced her of the truth: nobody really talked about her or her ex that…

I heard a good joke about this: when you're 20, you're obsessed with what others think about you. When you're 40, you don't give a damn what others think about you. When you're 60, you realize others were never thinking about you at all.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#16

Post by yankeehue »

dasil003 wrote: post #11
earbitscom wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I tend not to do this, which is why I find myself at age 35 with practically no grudges held and very few people who I cannot tolerate or even appreciate. It also makes it easier to recognize whether something is reconcilable in business, with employees, etc. Accidents happen, people make mistakes. I often find that unless I truly believe something was done out of malice, I have very little problem getting over it qu…

I'm also 35 and feel exactly the same way. This often gets me in trouble with my wife when she exclaims "how could x have done y!" and I proceed to stick my foot in mouth by saying "maybe they were thinking z".

I've had the same exchange with my wife many times, and it always results in an argument. I guess there are some mistakes I make more than once.

Coincidentally, I am 35 and feel the same way :) Most of us are just working hard to get through the day and we're all going to screw up sometimes. I always try to offer understanding for others' mistakes, and hopefully I'll receive the same.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#17

Post by stephengillie »

bitops wrote: post #15
nostromo wrote: post #13

I had a talk with a friend recently who is newly single, and it was clear to me that Facebook was making her crazy. She kept asking me questions about what people that were friends with her and her ex thought of her, or were saying behind her back, or were posting about her in a way that she couldn't see. It was an uphill battle, but I finally convinced her of the truth: nobody really talked about her or her ex that…

I heard a good joke about this: when you're 20, you're obsessed with what others think about you. When you're 40, you don't give a damn what others think about you. When you're 60, you realize others were never thinking about you at all.

I hesitate to quote Ayn Rand, but it's fitting:

"Mr. Roark, we’re alone here. Why don’t you tell me what you think of me? In any words you wish. No one will hear us."

"But I don’t think of you."

-Ellsworth Toohey and Howard Roark, The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#18

Post by rayiner »

nostromo wrote: post #13

I had a talk with a friend recently who is newly single, and it was clear to me that Facebook was making her crazy. She kept asking me questions about what people that were friends with her and her ex thought of her, or were saying behind her back, or were posting about her in a way that she couldn't see. It was an uphill battle, but I finally convinced her of the truth: nobody really talked about her or her ex that…

> The truth is you probably spend a lot less time in people's thoughts than you think you do.

There is a clinical term for this phenomenon.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#19

Post by dasil003 »

yankeehue wrote: post #16
dasil003 wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm also 35 and feel exactly the same way. This often gets me in trouble with my wife when she exclaims "how could x have done y!" and I proceed to stick my foot in mouth by saying "maybe they were thinking z".

I've had the same exchange with my wife many times, and it always results in an argument. I guess there are some mistakes I make more than once. Coincidentally, I am 35 and feel the same way :) Most of us are just working hard to get through the day and we're all going to screw up sometimes. I always try to offer understanding for others' mistakes, and hopefully I'll receive the same.

Well, if you've held your tongue at least once, then that's what I call progress. Being forgiving of others' mistakes is not something that will ever steer you wrong (except in the case of the NSA surveillance, but I digress), and that extends doubly to excusing your wife for her unforgiveness. And "shh!", don't tell her I said that, and mine neither.

Re: I Know What You Think of Me

#20

Post by cinquemb »

bitops wrote: post #15
nostromo wrote: post #13

I had a talk with a friend recently who is newly single, and it was clear to me that Facebook was making her crazy. She kept asking me questions about what people that were friends with her and her ex thought of her, or were saying behind her back, or were posting about her in a way that she couldn't see. It was an uphill battle, but I finally convinced her of the truth: nobody really talked about her or her ex that…

I heard a good joke about this: when you're 20, you're obsessed with what others think about you. When you're 40, you don't give a damn what others think about you. When you're 60, you realize others were never thinking about you at all.

Does that empower the "Move fast, break things" mentality since others were never really thinking about you (or other people for that matter) and just mostly themselves?
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