Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

alternet.org

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

121–130 of 160 posts

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#121

Post by _pius »

banned_man wrote: post #106
gaius wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Woman are programmed to find the leader of the pack attractive, even if said leader is an ahole. That's the key point - alpha characteristics/interactions trump everything else. Girls like alpha assholes despite them being assholes, not the other way 'round.

This is completely wrong, because women who like alpha males have those preferences because they've been taught that sex is degrading, humiliating, and painful, and are therefore attracted to men who are likely to humiliate and damage them. Therefore, the attraction is because of these men being assholes.

I think you're overgeneralizing quite a bit. Aren't women allowed to prefer an alpha male without being accused of wanting to be degraded?

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#122

Post by _pius »

banned_man wrote: post #112
metachris wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

i think that's a very vague theory...

I disagree. 1. A number of people in the US find sex to be degrading and harmful, at least on a subconscious level, while most reasonable people would only apply those epithets to a small subset of sexual activity. 2. People who harbor unhealthy beliefs (such as those described in 1) have a tendency to behave in suboptimal ways according to those beliefs, often with results that confirm them. An example of this is th…

A number of people in the US find sex to be degrading and harmful, at least on a subconscious level, while most reasonable people would only apply those epithets to a small subset of sexual activity.

Heh, I doubt this phenomenon is endemic to the U.S.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#123

Post by banned_man »

_pius wrote: post #122
banned_man wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I disagree. 1. A number of people in the US find sex to be degrading and harmful, at least on a subconscious level, while most reasonable people would only apply those epithets to a small subset of sexual activity. 2. People who harbor unhealthy beliefs (such as those described in 1) have a tendency to behave in suboptimal ways according to those beliefs, often with results that confirm them. An example of this is th…

A number of people in the US find sex to be degrading and harmful, at least on a subconscious level, while most reasonable people would only apply those epithets to a small subset of sexual activity. Heh, I doubt this phenomenon is endemic to the U.S.

It's obviously not. It seems to be more common in American culture, but I don't have enough experience to evaluate the accuracy of this perception.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#124

Post by banned_man »

_pius wrote: post #121
banned_man wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is completely wrong, because women who like alpha males have those preferences because they've been taught that sex is degrading, humiliating, and painful, and are therefore attracted to men who are likely to humiliate and damage them. Therefore, the attraction is because of these men being assholes.

I think you're overgeneralizing quite a bit. Aren't women allowed to prefer an alpha male without being accused of wanting to be degraded?

Asking "aren't women allowed to prefer an alpha male without being accused of wanting to be degraded?" is like "aren't red octagons allowed to have 'STOP' written on them without being accused of being stop signs?"

No one is accusing anything. You don't see the red sign and "accuse" it of being a stop sign. You realize immediately that it is a stop sign (pattern recognition) and behave accordingly. Behaving accordingly with respect to such women is avoiding them entirely.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#125

Post by _pius »

banned_man wrote: post #124
_pius wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you're overgeneralizing quite a bit. Aren't women allowed to prefer an alpha male without being accused of wanting to be degraded?

Asking "aren't women allowed to prefer an alpha male without being accused of wanting to be degraded?" is like "aren't red octagons allowed to have 'STOP' written on them without being accused of being stop signs?" No one is accusing anything. You don't see the red sign and "accuse" it of being a stop sign. You realize immediately that it is a stop sign (pattern recognition) and behave accordingly. Behaving according…

I wonder if we're using the same phrase but meaning two different things.

If what you're calling an "alpha male" is a domineering asshole, I actually agree with you 100%. There are definitely dysfunctional women who like that kind of guy and I've learned to steer clear.

If we're talking about "alpha male" in the evolutionary psychology sense (i.e. conveying confidence, virility, and leadership), though, I think you're incorrect to say that women who look for those traits in a partner are just looking to be degraded.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#126

Post by [deleted] »

bokonist wrote: post #76
banned_man wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're blaming evolution for womens' generally execrable tastes in men, but the source of the problem is likely cultural and psychological. A large proportion of American women have been raised with an unspoken and often subliminal belief that sex is filthy, painful and degrading. This association is formed at a young age and most women are not aware that they have it, but it leads them to become attracted to men who…

The generally chaste girls are the same way, they still go for the strong guy over the "nice" guy. Girls that have been taught all their life to go for the nice guy, still find themselves attracted to the bad boy. The evolutionary/genetic explanation seems to fit my observations the best. I actually think men get some blame for the "girls falling for a holes" problem. I think too many quality men listened to their mo…

[deleted]

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#127

Post by HSO »

bokonist wrote: post #33

Woman did not evolve to find smart guys or "nice" guys attractive. Woman are programmed to find the leader of the pack attractive, even if said leader is an a hole. Fortunately, most well raised woman were taught with their rational minds to be wary of the jerk and to go for the gentleman. So rationally they want the nice guy, but the animal mind wants the leader of the pack. This creates conflict. If you've ever bee…

This "leader of the pack" thing is overrated IMO. Being the leader of a bunch of boisterous pussymen doesn't make you attractive, quite the opposite. Depending on the environment, you may appear more attractive being the strong, silent type minding his own business.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#128

Post by [deleted] »

rarrrrrr wrote: post #115
charlesju wrote: post #58

1. Sex is overrated. Like they said in the 40 year old virgin, don't put the pussy on a pedestal. If someone doesn't like you for who you are, they are probably not worth the time to sleep with. Find someone you can love, it's a much more rewarding experience, trust me. 2. If you are bent on being a "player", and you are smart (truly smart, not just smart as in able to program smart), then you can probably learn how…

1 - I would argue that truly good sex, despite all hype, is yet highly underrated. I expect few people experience it though. Contributing factors include accumulated skill, anatomical compatibility, mindset, mood, physical fitness, etc. It's an outlier.

[deleted]

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#129

Post by HSO »

bokonist wrote: post #76
banned_man wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're blaming evolution for womens' generally execrable tastes in men, but the source of the problem is likely cultural and psychological. A large proportion of American women have been raised with an unspoken and often subliminal belief that sex is filthy, painful and degrading. This association is formed at a young age and most women are not aware that they have it, but it leads them to become attracted to men who…

The generally chaste girls are the same way, they still go for the strong guy over the "nice" guy. Girls that have been taught all their life to go for the nice guy, still find themselves attracted to the bad boy. The evolutionary/genetic explanation seems to fit my observations the best. I actually think men get some blame for the "girls falling for a holes" problem. I think too many quality men listened to their mo…

"they still go for the strong guy over the "nice" guy"

The antonym to strong is weak, not nice. I think people often forget that girls, particularly sane and intelligent ones, do not reject the prototypical "nice guy" because he is nice but because he is a pushover. That is, weak. You can be strong and nice. In fact, I think the strongest ones usually are "nice" or considerate because they can afford to, whereas at least where I'm moving, being an asshole or abrasive is a sign of weakness.

Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid

#130

Post by bokonist »

HSO wrote: post #127
bokonist wrote: post #33

Woman did not evolve to find smart guys or "nice" guys attractive. Woman are programmed to find the leader of the pack attractive, even if said leader is an a hole. Fortunately, most well raised woman were taught with their rational minds to be wary of the jerk and to go for the gentleman. So rationally they want the nice guy, but the animal mind wants the leader of the pack. This creates conflict. If you've ever bee…

This "leader of the pack" thing is overrated IMO. Being the leader of a bunch of boisterous pussymen doesn't make you attractive, quite the opposite. Depending on the environment, you may appear more attractive being the strong, silent type minding his own business.

I agree, my use of the term "leader of the pack" was imprecise. Women are attracted to a mix of strength, status, command, and dominance. If you are a leader of a low-status pack, or a pack that appears desperate and trying to hard, it's not going to help you very much.
Post reply on HN