80% of guys have a tough time getting laid. It has nothing to do with being smart or not.
Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid
101–110 of 160 posts
Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid
#102OK, I've not read the article or any of the comments. My theory is, well, it all comes down to Game Theory. All things being equal, if you are nice, an arsehole or rich, if a guy/gal suspects you are _significantly_ smarter than they are, they will (un-)consciously believe you will soon find a 'better' partner and move on. So they don't invest in you => you don't get laid.
Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid
#103It's funny. Most of the people I know didn't take advice a) loosen up, they took b) move, and went to europe following a smart female they met during postgrad.
Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid
#104An incredibly masculine-focused article even if it made plenty of attempts to try to generalise across both the sexes. Being a smart woman gives you totally different dating prospects than being a smart guy (and not just the obvious). Seriously. It also gives you reasons to turn off the opposite sex that don't seem to be mentioned in the article - for example a lot of women play it dumb for fear of intimidating the g…
I wear my IQ and education like a suit of armour most of the time
It's interesting how smart people build up various defenses to keep people at bay -- including hyper-competitiveness.
I remind my wife that you're supposed to let the boys win once in a while when we play cards, and we both get a laugh. She is merciless on my ego.
But there's something to be said for fitting in, going with the flow, taking things as they happen. That's not to say to act dumb, just being in the moment at a rock concert probably isn't going to elicit Shakespearean quotes. There's a fine line between being smart and acting smart. Appearing smart is not necessarily a desirably externalized attribute in all social situations.
Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid
#105Earlier quoted context omitted.
You're blaming evolution for womens' generally execrable tastes in men, but the source of the problem is likely cultural and psychological. A large proportion of American women have been raised with an unspoken and often subliminal belief that sex is filthy, painful and degrading. This association is formed at a young age and most women are not aware that they have it, but it leads them to become attracted to men who…
The generally chaste girls are the same way, they still go for the strong guy over the "nice" guy. Girls that have been taught all their life to go for the nice guy, still find themselves attracted to the bad boy. The evolutionary/genetic explanation seems to fit my observations the best. I actually think men get some blame for the "girls falling for a holes" problem. I think too many quality men listened to their mo…
There's a difference between being physically strong, having a backbone as you put it, and being a badboy. There are extremely muscular men who are very nice people, and there's also a huge middle ground (into which most men fall) between being a boorish badboy and a spineless pansy.
If a woman has a preference for muscular men, or skinny hipsters, or even fat men, that's fine. We all have our physical preferences. And the fact that women want to date men with enough spine to have meaningful character is a good thing. However, women who are attracted to loud, boorish, and stupid badboys are utter garbage.
The attraction to badboys is not aesthetic; many badboys are out of shape and ugly. I think the appeal of the badboy is that it provides release from the pressure that is put on women to "marry up". It's not looked down upon for a man to marry a woman less ambitious and intelligent than he is, as long as she's good on her own merits (e.g. if he's a Wall Street quant with a 155 IQ, and she's in a lifestyle career and has a 130 IQ, that's fine, because she's still a smart woman who can hold her own in intelligent conversation). Women, however, are expected to marry men with at least the same level of earning potential and intelligence, because of a lingering concern with gender roles and the expectation that the man will be equal or dominant. This obviously places a lot of pressure on high-power women. The appeal of the badboy is that, although he's virtually never intelligent or ambitious, he's dominant on account of his sheer arrogance and narcissism, but at the same time worthless enough that he can be flippantly discarded. This enables the woman to enter a relationship where she takes a submissive role, but one that has an "off switch"; she can leave without pain, since it's unlikely that she'll form an emotional attachment to such a useless and defective man.
[*Edited for clarity @ 12:26]
Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid
#106Woman did not evolve to find smart guys or "nice" guys attractive. Woman are programmed to find the leader of the pack attractive, even if said leader is an a hole. Fortunately, most well raised woman were taught with their rational minds to be wary of the jerk and to go for the gentleman. So rationally they want the nice guy, but the animal mind wants the leader of the pack. This creates conflict. If you've ever bee…
Woman are programmed to find the leader of the pack attractive, even if said leader is an ahole. That's the key point - alpha characteristics/interactions trump everything else. Girls like alpha assholes despite them being assholes, not the other way 'round.
This is completely wrong, because women who like alpha males have those preferences because they've been taught that sex is degrading, humiliating, and painful, and are therefore attracted to men who are likely to humiliate and damage them. Therefore, the attraction is because of these men being assholes.
Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid
#107Earlier quoted context omitted.
You're blaming evolution for womens' generally execrable tastes in men, but the source of the problem is likely cultural and psychological. A large proportion of American women have been raised with an unspoken and often subliminal belief that sex is filthy, painful and degrading. This association is formed at a young age and most women are not aware that they have it, but it leads them to become attracted to men who…
Oh? And why doesn't the same conditioning work on men when it's tried on men?
I think there are a lot of men who have the same complex. There are a lot of men who are attracted to vapid and bitchy women-- the popular bubbly/slutty girl. They have a similar mindset: sex is an embarrassing, dissatisfying, and stupid activity in their worldview, and they seek out the sorts of women who are likely to confirm their nightmarish vision.
Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid
#108Consider joining Carrotmob or some other "semi-hippie" environmental group.
Your odds might improve - or at least you're helping to save the world with your talent.
Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid
#109One thing that helped me a lot: investing some money in some salsa dancing lessons. First of all, I actually enjoy it, it's fun (if you don't like it you wont' get far). Second, it's sort of cool, compared to, say, talking about startups and computers with someone who is potentially not interested in either one. Also, it's something where practice does pay off, and where you can't fake it, so investing some time will…
Totally. I did it not so long ago (still am) and it's a brilliant confidence boost; everyone's there for the same reason, so it's not like just going to some club and hoping someone there will talk to you! You've got something in common, something to have a laugh about with every person there. Go into it with the right attitude and you will have fun. Don't fall into the trap that some men do and think "ooh, such-and-…
> Don't fall into the trap that some men do and think "ooh, such-and-such a magazine says salsa classes will get me laid"
You might go just to meet people or just because you've always wanted to learn how to dance.
Salsa dancing is a meritocracy. Women want to dance with men who can lead well to the music. Why wouldn't they?
To be honest, if you have the hacker mindset, the danger of taking on Salsa dancing, is it will become a pursuit and a hobby. You might get addicted. I've been for over 2 years. You might go to your first class and flail but then you will see real dancers dance and be sucked in (I want to do that).
The hacker mindset of 'how can I figure this out/what is the hack to dancing' might hook you. Yes, there are tricks to become a better dancer faster (number one - start asking women to dance when the song is more than half-over as a beginner - so you don't run out of moves). The whole idea of going from canned set routines to dancing to the music is a bit of difficult hack that I'm still working on (but making progress). The hack for that I think is understand the structure of the song - (real-time Fourier analysis of a set of eight measures of 8-beats each..with your feet)
It is much harder for guys to learn Salsa dancing because they have to lead (see Salsa hell link below). The look of a woman with the most bored look in her eye because you don't know what you're doing while the music is on is something you will experience many times. Can't simulate social dancing. Classes are good/bad because the woman knows the pattern exactly (simulates being a good lead w/o being one)
At some point, if you get addicted, it will stop being about meeting people and joining a community of people who love music and dancing. A community where you can escape the real world 8 beats at a time. As addictions go, I think it is a pretty good one to have. As the "Magic of Time" article below illustrates, if you stick with it and continue dancing/practicing/going to classes, you will become competent (many guys will quit after several classes or two months but in two years' time, just by continuing trial and error, you start getting better by default).
If you choose to take on Salsa, good luck - it's not about you, it's about her, you, and the music.
"The Unlikely Salsero - Magic of Time: Last One Standing"
http://www.unlikelysalsero.com/2007/08/magic-of-time-last-on...
"Addicted2Salsa - What is salsa hell for guys" http://addicted2salsa.com/2007/08/12/the-famous-salsa-hell-d...
Re: Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid
#110Earlier quoted context omitted.
Woman are programmed to find the leader of the pack attractive, even if said leader is an ahole. That's the key point - alpha characteristics/interactions trump everything else. Girls like alpha assholes despite them being assholes, not the other way 'round.
This is completely wrong, because women who like alpha males have those preferences because they've been taught that sex is degrading, humiliating, and painful, and are therefore attracted to men who are likely to humiliate and damage them. Therefore, the attraction is because of these men being assholes.
i think that's a very vague theory...