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I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

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Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#101

Post by andyl »

gnosis wrote: post #45

You seem to view yourself and your life as a failure, as a "loser", and think you have a long-term record of failures. Such an ingrained self-image is not going to be magically changed by any advice from a web forum or self-help book. Even were you to find what you consider "success" (which is most likely merely monetary), I doubt it would really make much of an impact in the long run. Take a look at the countless lo…

What worked for me: Zen Meditation. Find something that works for you - CTB, Meditation, Therapy, etc. etc. - there are a lot of resources out there.

Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#102

Post by craig552uk »

> I don't have too much time left. My 20ies are gone.

In the first decade of life, you are who your parent want you to be.

In the second decade of life, you are who your friends want you to be.

In your third decade of life, you discover who you want to be.

In the fourth decade of life, you become who you want to be.

You've got all the time left. You've only just started.

I'm also 30, and only now do I feel that I'm emotionally and intellectually mature enough to claim my life as my own.

Good luck.

Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#103

Post by jcfrei »

hey stefan, fellow swiss guy here - not sure what your intention with this post is. I can wish you all the good luck you want, though I'm sure that's not gonna be much of a help to you. If you wanna chat, just contact me - you'll find my email, etc. in my profile.

Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#104

Post by vahidR »

recuter wrote: post #12

> I don't have too much time left. My 20ies are gone. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buckminster_Fuller#Bankruptcy_a... "By age 32, Fuller was bankrupt and jobless, living in low-income public housing in Chicago, Illinois. In 1922, Fuller's young daughter Alexandra died from complications from polio and spinal meningitis. Allegedly, he felt responsible and this caused him to drink frequently and to contemplate suicide…

dude.. your link was Awesome.. I'm on my early 30s and have some difficulties, as well. It gave my hope back

Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#105

Post by vellum »

You shouldn't let lack of experience or knowledge discourage you from programming. I think too many people fall into the trap that they have to know every arcane detail of the API to become an "expert." Making something cool, start small, and learn as you go. There are a lot more resources than when you were 17, like stackoverflow. Anything you really need, you can learn. And choose a language with lot of resources, like python or IOS. Any problem you run into while coding has already been encountered by someone else.

Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#107

Post by omfgitsbacon »

I want to give you hope but to be blunt, if your 30 an not an established coder your not going to be. I started coding when I was 11 (dumb stuff of course, but actual coding), went to university and got a CS degree, now I'm in my late 30s and I have been coding for a good ~25 years, ~12 professionally (as in day job).

You have to compete with people like me, people who enjoy coding, people who go to work then come home to work on their own stuff. It's just not going to happen. Granted you can get a more "noobish" job BUT your going to have to compete with people in their early twenties who will work longer hours, less money and complain less. And these are people that want this as a career and are willing to learn/endure considerbaly more bullshit.

I'm not saying don't go for it, but it's going to be a hard road. And if you fail, which is likely, your going to be 40 with no "life track" as you put it.

Think long and hard. Don't let the non-programmers here who are "social-hackers" and every unbelievably stupid variation of the now-ruined word "hacker" tell you that you can do it. Seriously, your against the odds here, not impossible, good ideas are VERY important, but if you cannot do them yourself don't bother.

Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#108

Post by rohern »

Look. Becoming a programmer is NOT going to give you a satisfying life. Being a programmer is fucking boring. Companies do not give a shit what cool stuff you've built once they hire you. They want you to spend your time figuring out why their automated build system is broken and optimizing their databases. Sitting in front of a screen for 8-12 hours a day is a terrible approach to achieving satisfaction in your life.

Starting a company is different, and if you are massively interesting in solving a problem, that can be a great way to go. But starting a company is completely unpleasant a lot of time and if you want to pick a job that is going to fill your plate with bullshit, that is a good choice.

The best advice I ever received in regards to this topic is still pretty worthless, because almost all advice is worthless. You cannot learn wisdom that way. You learn it through experience. But here it is: Pick a problem that is meaningful to you and work on it. Optimize this by working with people you like and who share your passions.

That advice was given to me by one of the most famous computer scientists alive who also happens to be worth tens if not hundreds of millions of dollars. Note that his advice did not involve becoming a good engineer, getting papers cited, or starting a company.

I keep an index card in my pocket that says: "Never again have reason to regret." This is not "live without regrets". I think that attitude is mostly contemptible. Rather, spend your time -- all of your time -- on things you will not regret having done when you climb into bed at night. If nothing else, every day that I have obeyed this rule unfailingly I have slept well and awoken excited and optimistic in the morning. That's all the wisdom I have. The rest is just get damn lucky.

Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#109

Post by hawkharris »

I'm not sure that you should pursue your dreams.

Happiness is the gap between results and expectations. The greater the gap, the less satisfaction people feel. If you need, I mean really NEED, to start a technical business, I'm sure that you will strategize, break the goal into tangible pieces and accomplish it.

But if you haven't started a business by now, maybe there's a good reason. Maybe your personality, interests and talent aren't in line with that objective. And, if that's the case, it's okay.

In other words, I support your decision to strive for different results if that's what you really need, but I think it's also important to calibrate your expectations.

Re: I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

#110

Post by chipx86 »

kostya-kow wrote: post #86
edw519 wrote: post #54

I have been a dreamer all my life. It took me until last year to figure this out, and only thanks to this community. Great. Dreaming is necessary but not sufficient for great accomplishments. Glad you're one of us. I hardly ever tried - and when I tried, I didn't persist. It has been my goal to start a business since ever I can remember. And yet I never really tried (until last year, which resulted in abysmal failure…

>Find something that needs to be built (preferably by someone other than yourself). >The reason you're stuck is because you're too focused on yourself. Remember, it's not about you. It's about others. I disagree. Often times, great projects start with "scratching a developer's personal itch" (ex: Linux kernel). If you try to build something for others, it will often be boring and unmotivated. You have to be passionat…

I've always seen it as a bit of both.

My startup grew out of an open source project designed to scratch my own itch, which was a great way to start. Being my own user, I saw the pain points and could form a true direction. However, that only goes so far, since not everyone is me. At some point you have to start looking at what your users care about, at least as much as what you care about, if you want the growth.

That's where the mix comes in. You shouldn't just develop it solely for someone else, or you may lose that drive, passion and direction (plus what they want and what they say they want aren't always the same thing). At the same time, you must listen to them (if you want to solve their problems) and take their opinions into consideration. Do it right and you end up building for both yourself and your customers.

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