I'm a loser and I want to change that - now

You have plenty of time, man.

Great. Dreaming is necessary but not sufficient for great accomplishments. Glad you're one of us.

I hardly ever tried - and when I tried, I didn't persist. It has been my goal to start a business since ever I can remember. And yet I never really tried (until last year, which resulted in abysmal failure). Not even something small, like selling stuff online. I was always good at dreaming up new ideas. But never executed on any one of them.

I am about to tell you a bunch of stuff, but this is the most important. You have to get this or you will never break out of your rut:

The reason you're stuck is because you're too focused on yourself. Remember, it's not about you. It's about others.

The reason for building great things is to help others achieve their goals. It's not about how rich you'll become, or how famous, or who will like you, or how much fun it will be. (Well maybe a little of that last one.) Until you find someone else who must have something, you will always quit when things get tough. And they always get tough. Having someone else (a customer, a user, someone...) is the key ingredient that many miss on the road to "must build". Find someone, then find something that you have to build. You won't want to disappoint someone who is depending on you. Believe me, in your case, this will probably make all the difference.

Likewise, I have been programming on and off since the age of 17. Unfortunately, I started out with C++. As soon as I hit pointers, I made up my mind that programming was only for people smarter than me.

There will always be someone smarter than you. DO NOT let that stop that from building what you must build. It's better to be junior than to be weak.

Somehow, I did get back into it a few years later, but I never really became proficient at it. Again, I was good at learning the basics, reading code, messing around with code snippets on the command line. But I never built anything of value.

Stop reading code. Stop messing around. Find something that needs to be built (preferably by someone other than yourself). Then build it. Trust yourself and trust the process of building. You will learn what you need when you need it. I promise.

I don't have too much time left. My 20ies are gone.

Bullshit. I didn't do my first startup until I was 32. Stop thinking like that. If you're a programmer, your prime is still 20 years ahead of you. (Believe me, I know.)

This is my chance to turn the boat around, and realize my goals.

Good. It's definitely not your last chance, but glad to see you're prepared to make the most of it.

So, this is meant as much for the rest of the world as it is meant for myself.

It better be. Until you realize that your work is for others, not yourself, you will continue to spin your wheels. The biggest byproduct of recognizing the needs of others is that you will automatically and subconsciously start solving your own problems as well.

Usually, I would have just signed up with yet another anonymous name. Not this time. I want to keep myself honest.

Good. Always be yourself. Who else are you going to be?

(unfortunately, besides being a loser, I'm also a loner).

You're not a loser, so get that disempowering thought out of your head forever. A loser would never have opened up like you just did. And if you are a loner, that's not unfortunate, it's probably normal. Maybe even necessary. You see, despite what people may think, the best software is still written by one person, alone with their thoughts. Embrace your lonerness!

For better or for worse.

There is no worse. What you think is worse are just speedbumps on the way to better. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you will see these things as what they really are: the feedback you need to get on track to get better.

This is my last chance to get my life back on track.

No it's not. (See above.)

If anyone else reads this, wish me good luck.

Fuck luck. Just quit you're stinkin' thinkin' and get to work. I know you want to and I have proof: you're here.

I have something way better for you: Best wishes, Stefan. Get to work and keep us posted. Don't get discouraged and come back for motivation and guidance whenever you want. We'll be here.

I told myself the same thing in my 20s. It was data structures for me, not pointers. I remember thinking, I'm just not smart enough to write code. Man, no lie... I'm slow and these concepts are tough. What's different now is that I know a number of people who are willing to take time out of their busy days and explain stuff to me when I get stuck. Very few people build things alone. Even using a language to build a thing of value is going to leverage libraries and packages that someone else wrote.

If you feel like a loser and a loner, this tells me that you somehow feel isolated and that you don't feel like you have a peer group of like-minded people to associate with. For me, the internet has helped tremendously in this way. Many times you cannot talk to someone candidly in person, but you can do this online. The fix for this (which you seem to have already discovered) is to find some way to talk to people, and talk to a lot of people, until you've talked to enough people that at least one of them sees something valuable in you.

Honestly, the words "This is my last chance get my life back on track," are melodramatic. Every day, people all over the world set different goals for themselves and learn new habits in order to meet those goals. If you are convinced you "don't have much time left," you are setting yourself up for failure. How long do you think you will live? After you turn 30, then you turn 40. Then you turn 50. And so on. How many times will you screw up in those decades? Lots. The only way to learn how to make better decisions is to make bad ones.

And to cap this inspirational response off with something totally saccharine, willpower (or discipline) is like a muscle. The more you use it, the more of it you have.

Viel gluck!