41–50 of 276 posts
Good Luck!
Then I found a community of people who were doing what I wanted to be doing. I quit my well paying job and did a short series of internships (one paid, one unpaid) at companies in these communities. I got in by learning as much as I could as fast as I could, caring deeply and honestly about the work these places were doing, and interviewing well.
One led to a job where I worked for 2 years. In this new community I was able to build skills and connections that gave me the confidence to break out on my own when the company started to diverge from my Most-Important-Thing-In-The-World.
I'm now working on my own start-up. It doesn't have customers or a product yet, but even if I don't 'make it' with this one I am doing every day, and making things with my own hands, and it's an incredible feeling.
You can do it too. If I can help just drop me a line. (Contact info in profile)
Such an ingrained self-image is not going to be magically changed by any advice from a web forum or self-help book. Even were you to find what you consider "success" (which is most likely merely monetary), I doubt it would really make much of an impact in the long run. Take a look at the countless lottery winners who wound up miserable or worse, or the startup founder suicides that have been in the news lately. Wealth and "success" did not solve their problems in the long run.
If you are really serious about changing your life, I strongly recommend taking up therapy with a therapist you respect and trust, and be prepared and committed to doing a lot of hard work on yourself, with their help.
Though CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)[1] and other short-term, "evidence based"[2] therapies are very popular and nearly the only kind insurance companies want to pay for these days, I personally look at them as a superficial bandaids[3][4], and antidepressants as emergency tourniquetes at best.[5] My own inclination is towards something like Logotherapy[6] (which focuses on helping you to find meaning in your life), Jungian[7], Transpersonal[8] and Humanistic[9] therapies.. so that's where I'd personally steer you to.
But whatever therapy you pick, it's most important to find a therapist you respect and trust. If you can't respect and open up to your therapist, or if you can't commit to lots of often painful hard work with them (because looking deeply and honestly in to yourself is often painful and difficult), your time spent in therapy will be wasted. Try as many therapists as you need to to find a good one.
[1] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy
[2] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evidence-based_medicine
[3] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evidence-based_medicine#Limita...
[4] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evidence-based_medicine#In_psy...
[5] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antidepressant#Controversy
[6] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logotherapy
[7] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Analytical_psychology
[8] - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transpersonal_psychology
But I feel like a loser in the sense that I have not done nearly anything near what I feel capable of; and have spent several thousand hours of my 20s reading the internet and playing video games and smoking weed and /maybe/ a quarter of that much time actually being productive.
Good luck Stefan. I also feel like with my 20s being gone that I'm going to be looking back on my life, rather than forward any minute now.
I used to always think I was too old, had missed by chance, the ridiculous thing was at the time I was like 20. Not I'm much older and realize that thinking is counter productive and untrue as long as your alive you can improve your life.
I'd like to refer 2 resources. One is Dr. Robert Maurer's "The Kaizen Way: One Small Step Can Change Your Life".
This book is about how you can bypass the fear mechanisms of the brain, which cause procrastination and failure.
The second is "The Winner Effect" by Ian H. Robertson. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlxCN1aCa2M
Both of these books are grounded in research and not "rah rah" feel good stuff. With regard to Dr, Robert Maurer's Book "The Kaizen Way". I'm a living case study. Through direct application of his theories in less than 4 months I accomplished something that I had been "thinking" about doing for 8 years.
Totally ground-breaking. I'd also recommend Darren Hardy's "The Compound Effect" and Jeff Olsson's "The Slight Edge".
All these books are about understanding how the brain works and using it more effectively to get results - THAT STICK AND LAST.
If I had to throw another one in it would be Charles Duhigg's "Habits". It's been said that up to 50% of our daily actions are habits - things we do without thinking about it. That included "how" we think. Right now if you see yourself as a "failure" you're going to have to work to alter that. You have the mindset and daily habits of a "failure". So you have to literally program in the habits and mindset of a "winner". You could try a gazillion things right but if you miss that, it will be all for naught.
Good luck!
Do you have some job at the moment? Is it a programming job or something else?
Just "starting a business" is easy but the harder thing is having a profitable business that you enjoy working on enough to make it a success. Does it have to be a tech business or just any business?
How profitable do you have to be to consider yourself successful, is paying your own bills good enough or do you want "fuck you" money?
Perhaps just concentrate on building a small tool that makes some tiny aspect of your own life easier or more fun in some way then launch it here. Charge money for it, or don't. Get feedback, make it better etc etc.