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Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

ramones.dev

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Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#281

Post by jrowen »

grayhatter wrote: post #278
joe_the_user wrote: post #268

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Now to be "that asshole" why unhoused instead of homeless? @dang, flagging. HN standards are basic civility, starting a comment with "I'll be an asshole" is clearly creating a pretext for violating HN standards. I mean, "unhoused" is considered a more polite term among the people I work with, it just basic politeness, there is no other distinction I know about. I don't feel a need to respond to the rest of your argum…

> I mean, "unhoused" is considered a more polite term among the people I work with, it just basic politeness, there is no other distinction I know about. I was under the [mistaken?] impression the inverse was true. Or that neither had a significant preference, do you have any cite, or is this experience? Because I've heard from 2 different people no one they talked to cares, I've never bothered to try to verify and w…

As someone who didn't flag or downvote you, "unhoused" is the newer and currently more politically correct term. That's it. Pushing back on it is seen as pointless and unhelpful at best, and "anti-woke" aggression at worst. Ask yourself what you are fighting for there.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#282

Post by grayhatter »

jrowen wrote: post #281
grayhatter wrote: post #278

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I mean, "unhoused" is considered a more polite term among the people I work with, it just basic politeness, there is no other distinction I know about. I was under the [mistaken?] impression the inverse was true. Or that neither had a significant preference, do you have any cite, or is this experience? Because I've heard from 2 different people no one they talked to cares, I've never bothered to try to verify and w…

As someone who didn't flag or downvote you, "unhoused" is the newer and currently more politically correct term. That's it. Pushing back on it is seen as pointless and unhelpful at best, and "anti-woke" aggression at worst. Ask yourself what you are fighting for there.

> Pushing back on it is seen as pointless and unhelpful at best, and "anti-woke" aggression at worst. Ask yourself what you are fighting for there.

Personally, I'm fighting for the idea that words mean things, and the 2nd best word wont do. I have multiple people tell me I'm doing it wrong, no matter which it is. If I'm going to change what I'm doing, I don't want to pick the worst option. More often than not, when someone tells you to use a different word (behave differently), but can't articulate why; it's about control.

I've never had someone tell me it's offensive to call them homeless, I have had people tell me I should feel bad for [trying to help] (rhetorically speaking, different example from this one). I merely want to do what's right, and make it as easy as possible, but I'm personally unable to when I don't understand why...

shrug

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#283

Post by jrowen »

sp1nningaway wrote: post #259
jrowen wrote: post #162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> HN comments are _NOT_ going to help debugging your mental state. Nice paradox you've created there. > People here have trouble agreeing on engineering, product and business practices they specialise in. They are _NOT_ going to guide you in the right direction on mental health topics. I don't know that that follows logically. Whatever people they might reach out to in the real world -- be they friends, relatives, th…

>> HN comments are _NOT_ going to help debugging your mental state. > Nice paradox you've created there. This is a "...and don't call me Shirley" level of logical interpretation of what they're saying. They are pointing out that "just try harder" is NOT going to work. This resonated with me as I spent my whole life telling myself some version of OP's "stop making stupid mistakes" daily, and then castigating myself wh…

It was a don't call me Shirley thing to say to begin with. I merely added on.

I would dare to say that your interpretation of that vague FUD was largely a projection of your own experience. And I think you sharing that in a constructive and connective way was a lot more clear, empathetic and helpful than the original formulation.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#284

Post by officialchicken »

jrowen wrote: post #280
vector_spaces wrote: post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ooh, slick rhetorical moves you just executed. You couched your comment in the jargon of formal logic, and in doing so situated the parent under a convenient ad-hoc pseudo-formalization where you could paint them a raving illogical, thereby dismissing most of what they wrote through low-effort counterexamples. Mathematical certainty on your side, you make a chivalrous concession to the parent, reinforcing your noble-…

I actually love this comment. I feel seen. Thank you. I am prone to a sort of grandstanding that can elicit such responses, which I believe to actually have a similar philosophical aim as mine (and are perhaps subject to similar dramatic flaws?). I do stand by the sentiment I expressed though. I do think it does undermine one's point to bemoan the efficacy of HN comments relating to mental health, while making a comm…

> I am prone to a sort of grandstanding that can elicit such responses, which I believe to actually

That's HN being HN.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#285

Post by jrowen »

grayhatter wrote: post #282
jrowen wrote: post #281

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone who didn't flag or downvote you, "unhoused" is the newer and currently more politically correct term. That's it. Pushing back on it is seen as pointless and unhelpful at best, and "anti-woke" aggression at worst. Ask yourself what you are fighting for there.

> Pushing back on it is seen as pointless and unhelpful at best, and "anti-woke" aggression at worst. Ask yourself what you are fighting for there. Personally, I'm fighting for the idea that words mean things, and the 2nd best word wont do. I have multiple people tell me I'm doing it wrong, no matter which it is. If I'm going to change what I'm doing, I don't want to pick the worst option. More often than not, when s…

> Personally, I'm fighting for the idea that words mean things, and the 2nd best word wont do.

Now ask if this battle is worth fighting with someone that is actually "just trying to do the right thing," on the front lines of gritty social work, and who may not care as deeply about the philosophical implications of linguistic prescriptivism at hand.

I can't really imagine what nefarious purposes someone might have in trying to control you into using the word unhoused vs. homeless, it doesn't seem to me an important hill to die on in this context.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#286

Post by jrowen »

hirvi74 wrote: post #261
jrowen wrote: post #198

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's a lot harder to change the shape of the hole. But I do agree that there is too much emphasis on the pathology of it. I think therapy needs a major rebranding and it shouldn't be seen as something that we do to "fix" "broken" people. It should just be about more deeply understanding ourselves as individuals, and understanding the world around us (particularly other people), so that we may navigate it better. I sa…

> I think therapy needs a major rebranding and it shouldn't be seen as something that we do to "fix" "broken" people. I feel like that is more of a cultural impression. I am not certain modern therapy ever truly endorsed such claims. Take the "chemical imbalance" explanation of mental illness. Many people believe and use that explanation, but mainstream psychiatry never supported nor endorsed the hypothesis. > It sho…

I once asked a long-term partner, point blank, "do you think you're not long for this world?" That person remains one of the deepest connections I've ever had. There is a great amount of variance in human brains and how they react to the time and place they find themselves in, and it is statistically true that a good number are going to have a harder path to walk. Just as with any kind of predisposition to health issues. In that case medication may be the best answer we have at this point.

> People perpetually parrot that statement.

Funny, I thought I just made it up, but it did sound pretty good! I don't know what you mean by examples, but it can be as simple as words that can help you identify your feelings and understand your reactions. If you feel like you're good on that (and I can empathize, I don't have a therapist), there may not be much there for you.

I would guess that you have expectations of the world -- perhaps visions of what it could be -- that are unrealistic, which sets you up to be consistently disappointed.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#287

Post by nvarsj »

thisislife2 wrote: post #257
nvarsj wrote: post #216

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yep - meds. Tried a bunch and duloxetine is making a massive difference for me. On them for 4 months so far. Also picked up therapy yet again but tbh I never found therapy to really solve things - it helps me understand myself better at a logical level but the underlying anxiety / depression (including suicidal ideation) has never really gone away until the meds. I'd say right now I'm feeling quite content with life,…

Do you know what kind of talk therapy was offered to you?

Psychotherapy. I've also done a lot of CBT in the past - but I found it didn't really solve my issues, just provides some temporary relief. I personally found going for a long walk to be better than CBT techniques.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#288

Post by jrowen »

ButlerianJihad wrote: post #265
hirvi74 wrote: post #261

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I think therapy needs a major rebranding and it shouldn't be seen as something that we do to "fix" "broken" people. I feel like that is more of a cultural impression. I am not certain modern therapy ever truly endorsed such claims. Take the "chemical imbalance" explanation of mental illness. Many people believe and use that explanation, but mainstream psychiatry never supported nor endorsed the hypothesis. > It sho…

> mainstream psychiatry never supported nor endorsed Oh, but they most certainly do! The Chemical Imbalance issue was always the first and last and best explanation from the lips of the psychologists, psychiatrists, pharmacists, researchers, friends and family. All who unanimously urged me and others to take medications that would somehow magically resolve these imbalances and thus put me and my mind on the straight-…

While I certainly sympathize with your distaste for certain institutions and traditions within the medical industry, I feel compelled to share that you do seem -- if ever so slightly -- imbalanced.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#289

Post by jrowen »

officialchicken wrote: post #284
jrowen wrote: post #280

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I actually love this comment. I feel seen. Thank you. I am prone to a sort of grandstanding that can elicit such responses, which I believe to actually have a similar philosophical aim as mine (and are perhaps subject to similar dramatic flaws?). I do stand by the sentiment I expressed though. I do think it does undermine one's point to bemoan the efficacy of HN comments relating to mental health, while making a comm…

> I am prone to a sort of grandstanding that can elicit such responses, which I believe to actually That's HN being HN.

HN is everything. HN is nothing. HN is this. HN is that. HN is Meta™

edit: how many HN comments talk shit on HN comments? Ask your therapist about self-loathing

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#290

Post by airmastiff »

quantummagic wrote: post #25
jvanderbot wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes - you are identifying a non-depressed engineer. A depressed engineer can become one of those by removing the depression.

No, the point is that not everyone is cut out to be an engineer. If you find yourself being depressed as an engineer, one possibility is that it's really not the job for you. Not everyone is capable of being an engineer, and being prone to emotional disregulation is probably a good indicator. Not to say you can't muddle through, but the original post was saying that you should at least ask yourself if you'd be happie…

Is there any job in the world, where emotional regulation is optional?
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