Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important • Hacker News Board

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#211

Post by joe_the_user » Wed, Jul 15, 2026, 9:10 PM UTC

grvdrm wrote: post #194

jrowen wrote: post #162

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> HN comments are _NOT_ going to help debugging your mental state. Nice paradox you've created there. > People here have trouble agreeing on engineering, product and business practices they specialise in. They are _NOT_ going to guide you in the right direction on mental health topics. I don't know that that follows logically. Whatever people they might reach out to in the real world -- be they friends, relatives, th…

Thank you for this reply. I thought the parent comment was blunt, and perhaps honest. But perhaps it could have added some positive and constructive commentary rather than saying what not to do. I hardly think these things are so binary anyways.

I would say "get (professional) help!" is advice that always sounds good and can be good for X percent of people and not so good for the rest.

I am part of project that offers food and resources to unhoused people outside the usual state and regulated private agencies and without conditions. So by that fact I see many people who the mental health system fails to help for one reason or another. I can't tell you what percentage of people that is but I can tell you it's more than zero percent. I have no advice about what works but I can't see what's wrong with creating a structure that could help you.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#212

Post by ball_of_lint » Wed, Jul 15, 2026, 9:10 PM UTC

tsoukase wrote: post #199

Depression is for many people the animal in the room, for some a fox and for others an elephant. You cannot avoid, ignore or hack a chemical imbalance in your brain with societal or personal measures. If you find yourself hopeless and helpless, irrespective if you have attended any form of psychotherapy, take an antidepressant. Don't hesitate and if you are in trouble, contact me, seriously. The author takes Fluoxeti…

Wow, I'm surprised you can write a prescription from just a blog post.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#213

Post by kmoser » Wed, Jul 15, 2026, 9:14 PM UTC

travelalberta wrote: post #46

jvanderbot wrote: post #9

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is one side of the elephant. It's true a steel inner strength is required in day to day engineering. It's hard , and it lacks positive reinformcement almost always . When you hear something it is bad. But let's define "buck up" and see the other side of the elephant. That blog post is a textbook example of negative self talk. You can have a world that looks down on you and spit back at it and do your best work,…

Too much therapy speak here. You can't think your way out of depression. Only by taking action can you change things. Fix your body first. Then learn to socialize. Then get good at something (ideally something you can make money from). Think in terms of systems not goals. As a man your only way out is action (I can't speak on the female side of things).

If your body is in shape, you can socialize, and you're good at your job that pays you well, you can still suffer from depression.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#214

Post by Paracompact » Wed, Jul 15, 2026, 9:17 PM UTC

ethagnawl wrote: post #113

JTbane wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> quitting my fully vested tech job to fuck off and be a cook for a while I am also fantasizing about this and am only holding off from doing it because of the social stigma (what idiot would quit a well paid full-time job). My biggest issue with the software industry is the feverish shiny-new-thing syndrome that AI is causing (and my current company is all in on this, with "Hyper-Velocity Engineering" panels). Maybe…

> Maybe I don't want to move at light speed and would rather stop and smell the roses. This really struck a chord with me. I've spent the last 15+ years building up a craftperson's skillset (IMO) akin to a carpenter's or mechanic's. Yet, people still seem surprised when I tell them I'm not willing to run a slop cannon and excrete software which is _good enough_. I actually enjoy the nuts and bolts of writing and debu…

> Yet, people still seem surprised when I tell them I'm not willing to run a slop cannon and excrete software which is _good enough_.

Cue the usual propaganda: "Oh but that's just real life," "it's the nature of our industry," "I'll agree things aren't perfect, but {nothing must change}," "I understand, but the true problem lies with {mistake we'll gladly keep making}," "it's bad, but at least we're not {killing babies}."

It's become almost automatic to associate pondering with perfectionism, and perfectionism with flaw.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#215

Post by jimnotgym » Wed, Jul 15, 2026, 9:25 PM UTC

finnthehuman wrote: post #177

smugglerFlynn wrote: post #99

> My goals for the end of 2027 are as follows: > Stop making stupid mistakes. I want to be able to finish a task fully without missing or skipping a step. One way to do this is to make a plan for everything you do, and only do that thing. Nothing else. If you are neurodivergent or have other things influencing you mentally, you are _NOT_ going to snap out of it. You are not going to just build a better planning syste…

I can not agree harder. A rando that knows a little therapy language and has good intentions is dangerous. Turn and run.

The trouble is, in my experience, a lot of professional therapists are some rando who know a little therapy language. I had several therapists before one said, 'you appear to be showing signs of x, you need to talk to y'. They are supposed to 'signpost' you, but they have a short- term commercial incentive not to.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#216

Post by nvarsj » Wed, Jul 15, 2026, 9:27 PM UTC

busymom0 wrote: post #171

nvarsj wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This... I finally changed my life by talking to a psychiatrist after 40+ years of suffering and trying a myriad of things. Mental illnesses are real and need real treatment.

> talking to a psychiatrist Would you mind sharing what solutions they recommended for you to try? Also any meds?

Yep - meds. Tried a bunch and duloxetine is making a massive difference for me. On them for 4 months so far.

Also picked up therapy yet again but tbh I never found therapy to really solve things - it helps me understand myself better at a logical level but the underlying anxiety / depression (including suicidal ideation) has never really gone away until the meds.

I'd say right now I'm feeling quite content with life, and even find myself feeling genuinely happy throughout the day about things. Which is something I haven't really experienced before. I still have some of those feelings of anxiety crop up but they fade away pretty fast. Depression is completely gone for the most part. I'm still trying to understand this new reality as I'm not used to it at all. But I think (with some caution still!) it's pretty great.

I know anti depressants have a lot of bad press and I’ve even had therapists tell me it’s a crutch. So I’ve generally been hesitant to start them. But they work, not sure why they work, but they do for me at least and I’m glad I stuck with it to find the right one.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#217

Post by bsoles » Wed, Jul 15, 2026, 9:32 PM UTC

brightball wrote: post #150

shimman wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sorry man you can't honestly say this in the US. Especially since many churches blur the political lines and advocate for things like taking away women bodily autonomy (being anti-abortion), want to take away the right to vote from women (trad wife nonsense), openly attack children (yes attacking trans children is attacking children), believe that the civil rights act was a mistake. Glad you go to a good church, but…

You have a differing point of view. That doesn't make churches hostile to women. A lot of this seems like Reddit stuff, but I'll address anyway. > women bodily autonomy (being anti-abortion) Pro-life has never been anti-women and this is a political hot button topic that isn't getting settled on HN. The conceived child has it's own life, it's own DNA and the goal is to protect that life. If the baby is a girl, then p…

> Nobody attacks children.

Ever heard of the Catholic Church? What does rape count as?

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#218

Post by jimnotgym » Wed, Jul 15, 2026, 9:35 PM UTC

budsniffer952 wrote: post #189

Induane wrote: post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

He has said a lot f things I agree with, and also some stuff that seems intellectually and morally bananas; particularly around gender and sexuality. There was a point something shifted and he took, imo, a darker turn. Maybe it was his wife's illness, his own addiction challenges, or perhaps he was a victim of his own success and lost too much humility. Probably a combination of those plus factors we aren't privy to.…

Addiction, fame, loss, he was early on the anti-woke stuff, which became a major cultural flashpoint, money. Believe it or not, he was a pretty good academic at one point.

In the audiobooks of 12 rules (which he narrated himself) there are some patches that are pretty touching and heartfelt.

I saw him in an interview with channel 4 news in the UK where the reporter boorishly tried to trap him constantly, to no avail. But just as you think, 'this is a smart guy', he begins to get incredibly smug and totally insufferable. The guy is a bit of an enigma. Mixed in with the rubbish there are some interesting ideas...

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#219

Post by tiredgrumptries » Wed, Jul 15, 2026, 9:44 PM UTC

feoren wrote: post #169

m1aw wrote: post #6

I know this pattern from myself. I'm doing alright as far as my career goes, not great, but okay. Which is disappointing because me and everyone around thought I'd do great, because I/they thought I was a great software developer, since I'm smart and I know my tech and my programming. Unfortunately working as a software developer is a different story entirely, I found many times that my chase for good simple code tak…

> Turns out I have ADHD You just magically found this out when the Mental Health Diagnosis Fairy visited you one night? You spent thousands of dollars for a neuropsych evaluation where the result was 40% reality, 40% chance, and 20% how the evaluator was feeling that day? You self-diagnosed by reading Reddit threads? You somehow magically found the one psychiatrist who is willing to talk about ADHD without immediatel…

I empathize with your frustration; It can certainly be difficult to find adequate support, especially if you’re in the US as I am. That said, the interventions that exist can be effective and I genuinely hope you’re able to gain access to a support system that can help you

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#220

Post by vector_spaces » Wed, Jul 15, 2026, 9:53 PM UTC

jrowen wrote: post #162

smugglerFlynn wrote: post #99

> My goals for the end of 2027 are as follows: > Stop making stupid mistakes. I want to be able to finish a task fully without missing or skipping a step. One way to do this is to make a plan for everything you do, and only do that thing. Nothing else. If you are neurodivergent or have other things influencing you mentally, you are _NOT_ going to snap out of it. You are not going to just build a better planning syste…

> HN comments are _NOT_ going to help debugging your mental state. Nice paradox you've created there. > People here have trouble agreeing on engineering, product and business practices they specialise in. They are _NOT_ going to guide you in the right direction on mental health topics. I don't know that that follows logically. Whatever people they might reach out to in the real world -- be they friends, relatives, th…

Ooh, slick rhetorical moves you just executed. You couched your comment in the jargon of formal logic, and in doing so situated the parent under a convenient ad-hoc pseudo-formalization where you could paint them a raving illogical, thereby dismissing most of what they wrote through low-effort counterexamples. Mathematical certainty on your side, you make a chivalrous concession to the parent, reinforcing your noble-stoic character, while sealing their dismissal in the mind of any observer.

I claim that it is trivial, albeit obnoxious, to dismiss most informal utterances in the way you have just done. This is because informal language is complex and enthymeme in the extreme -- we don't tend to articulate every e.g. assumption and premise and contextual relation up front in every utterance. Language is messy because the concepts under discussion are complex and messy, and vibes are powerful tools for wrangling that complexity and getting at meaning. And the majority of paradoxes and contradictions one can identify carry no signal whatsoever. Perfectly reasonable statements can be rife with them.

For example: my interpretation of what the parent wrote was something like "the 'making stupid mistakes' line together with the rest of the blog post signal towards neurodivergence, and someone who is harshly self-critical. so with urgency, I warn the author to be weary of comments on HN, as there is a strong likelihood of being led down an unhelpful path that might aggravate this, particularly given the harsh self-talk and what we know about the subcultures that frequent this place"

Speaking of unarticulated contextual relations, "I often make careless mistakes" is literally in the DSM-V as a diagnostic criterion for ADHD.