Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

ramones.dev

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

111–120 of 307 posts

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#111

Post by jvanderbot »

9dev wrote: post #26
jvanderbot wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you recognize yourself in that post, then what you recognize is called negative self talk . The only advice I have for you is to learn to recognize how this pattern makes things worse and to learn (or be taught) how to stop that pattern. The blog post is a textbook self-flagellation and I have no doubt author returns to it to feel worse about themselves in some twisted attempt to motivate positive change.

Hah. I feel very much seen by both of these comments, much more than I’m confident to admit. Something I have been struggling with all my life is deciding whether I am flawed in some way, or the other party/the environment is - because my immediate reaction is always to feel responsible and inadequate, and it takes a lot of energy of confidently feeling superior or right about something. Like, is it a pattern, or am…

You'll never have an objective measure of good/bad. You only have your feelings on the matter.

One way is to define what you view as good (or better: define what you view as "better") and just be that as much as you can. Because "trying to actually be better" puts you above the median person immediately, IMHO

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#112

Post by brightball »

smugglerFlynn wrote: post #99

> My goals for the end of 2027 are as follows: > Stop making stupid mistakes. I want to be able to finish a task fully without missing or skipping a step. One way to do this is to make a plan for everything you do, and only do that thing. Nothing else. If you are neurodivergent or have other things influencing you mentally, you are _NOT_ going to snap out of it. You are not going to just build a better planning syste…

[flagged]

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#113

Post by ethagnawl »

JTbane wrote: post #80
corytheboyd wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> untreated ADD causing repeated failures, repeated failures causing depression realized this one about myself earlier this year, it really helped to boil it down to something besides “I am just inherently bad at things.” that attitude worked as a dumb single kid, but it was harming my adult life and relationships. therapy helped me get there. I have been on bupropion for about a year, and recently started on methylp…

> quitting my fully vested tech job to fuck off and be a cook for a while I am also fantasizing about this and am only holding off from doing it because of the social stigma (what idiot would quit a well paid full-time job). My biggest issue with the software industry is the feverish shiny-new-thing syndrome that AI is causing (and my current company is all in on this, with "Hyper-Velocity Engineering" panels). Maybe…

> Maybe I don't want to move at light speed and would rather stop and smell the roses.

This really struck a chord with me. I've spent the last 15+ years building up a craftperson's skillset (IMO) akin to a carpenter's or mechanic's. Yet, people still seem surprised when I tell them I'm not willing to run a slop cannon and excrete software which is _good enough_. I actually enjoy the nuts and bolts of writing and debugging software and using AI feels like cheating (if only myself). I'm really not sure where I go from here. I wish I had a work situation like yours to complain about but I know I'd have hit the eject button the minute someone started mandating anything about my workflow, so it's kind of moot.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#114

Post by johngoode »

gffrd wrote: post #105
smallerize wrote: post #104

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Reach out to... people?

Yes, people. Friends, coworkers, family.

I think a lot of people with mental health problems could attest that this is not always very effective, most often you exchange the reality you’ve been living in for some kind words and then inevitably the normalisation of your problem.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#115

Post by hirvi74 »

smugglerFlynn wrote: post #99

> My goals for the end of 2027 are as follows: > Stop making stupid mistakes. I want to be able to finish a task fully without missing or skipping a step. One way to do this is to make a plan for everything you do, and only do that thing. Nothing else. If you are neurodivergent or have other things influencing you mentally, you are _NOT_ going to snap out of it. You are not going to just build a better planning syste…

As someone that is "neurodivergent," I agree. A lot of advice, especially surrounding executive dysfunction, could be boiled down into a single step -- step 1: do not have executive dysfunction.

Now, I am not trying to say there is nothing anyone can do to improve themselves or their situation, but I do find a lot of advice falls short. Common advice is to set reminders, make lists, etc.. However, none of that is helpful when one has to remember to even create/check the reminders, lists, etc.. I notoriously create to-do lists only to never look at them ever again.

Honestly, if I have learned anything in life, it is that I cannot be left to my own devices. I need lots of forced, external structure which makes me rather uncomfortable because I do not want to burden others with the responsibility of managing my disability.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#116

Post by al_borland »

fwlr wrote: post #29

This could be due to ADD, I am still getting tested. Granted, that's a diagnosis, not a root cause. No, it’s a diagnosis of the root cause - in fact, it is plausibly the root cause of everything else described in the post. Inability to complete work, procrastination/distraction by focusing on nearby tasks, the pervasive sense that you struggle with things that other people do not, even the depression (untreated ADD c…

> No, it’s a diagnosis of the root cause - in fact, it is plausibly the root cause of everything else described in the post.

Yep. I was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD about a 1.5 years ago... My whole life came into focus. Everything that didn't make sense suddenly started to make sense. What I thought were 15 different issues I was dealing with were really all just symptoms of the one (or two in my case). The internal tension I've always felt was also explained by the competing desires of ASD and ADHD.

Knowing this hasn't really "fixed" any of that, but it has given me an explanation, language to use to explain it, and permission to stop searching for what's wrong with me... which I've been doing for 20 years. It's been nice to have a break.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#117

Post by hirvi74 »

brightball wrote: post #112
smugglerFlynn wrote: post #99

> My goals for the end of 2027 are as follows: > Stop making stupid mistakes. I want to be able to finish a task fully without missing or skipping a step. One way to do this is to make a plan for everything you do, and only do that thing. Nothing else. If you are neurodivergent or have other things influencing you mentally, you are _NOT_ going to snap out of it. You are not going to just build a better planning syste…

[flagged]

> Consider becoming more involved with a local church. Go to services, meet people, join a Bible study.

That is contingent on actually believing in the religion, no? In my experiences, church attendees do not tend to take kindly to people attending with anterior motives.

When I was in school, I attended a few churches to meet new people. They were rather apprehensive when they learned I did not believe in any of it and was just faking it all.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#118

Post by [deleted] »

johngoode wrote: post #114
gffrd wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, people. Friends, coworkers, family.

I think a lot of people with mental health problems could attest that this is not always very effective, most often you exchange the reality you’ve been living in for some kind words and then inevitably the normalisation of your problem.

[deleted]

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#119

Post by shimman »

brightball wrote: post #112
smugglerFlynn wrote: post #99

> My goals for the end of 2027 are as follows: > Stop making stupid mistakes. I want to be able to finish a task fully without missing or skipping a step. One way to do this is to make a plan for everything you do, and only do that thing. Nothing else. If you are neurodivergent or have other things influencing you mentally, you are _NOT_ going to snap out of it. You are not going to just build a better planning syste…

[flagged]

You don't need to go to church to find community, a better response would be what you're saying but something where you don't pressure people to join an institution that might be extremely hostile to women or minorities.

Anyone can find a community nearby, churches aren't the only way.

Glad it worked out for you, but it doesn't for many people and that's okay. There are other communities out there.

Also Church is no substitute for mental health professions. Would you tell someone to "pray the cancer away?" I hope not, you'd tell then to speak to a qualified professional. That's where therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, or even guidance councilers come into play.

Re: Prioritize mental health, and why communication is so important

#120

Post by tibbar »

smugglerFlynn wrote: post #99

> My goals for the end of 2027 are as follows: > Stop making stupid mistakes. I want to be able to finish a task fully without missing or skipping a step. One way to do this is to make a plan for everything you do, and only do that thing. Nothing else. If you are neurodivergent or have other things influencing you mentally, you are _NOT_ going to snap out of it. You are not going to just build a better planning syste…

Yeah, it's really tempting to try to fundamentally change the way you interface with the world but it's rarely very sustainable. I've found that trying to change my social environment, and also build skills to make specific tasks easier, are more effective options.
Post reply on HN