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Having Kids (2019)

paulgraham.com

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Re: Having Kids (2019)

#161

Post by waynesonfire »

genthree wrote: post #137
yanis_t wrote: post #6

Having kids is a gift. But this is one of these kinds of knowledge that once you know you immediately can't explain to others who don't.

Each one's a reverse-lottery-ticket, though. Get the wrong draw and it's not a gift. Can easily massively reduce the QOL for everyone around, including other siblings. Mostly due to chronic illnesses, of either the physical or mental variety.

There is significant suffering in the world. You and everyone else are drawing lottery tickets everyday. Kids are far from its only source or cause. I'm ill equipped to unpack the meaning of life, but I am certain that suffering is fundamental--your comment is probing at this idea.

This is a very difficult subject since there exists un-imaginable suffering and it's hard to reconcile that. That life is a gift under the umbrella of un-imaginable suffering. Perhaps, that's what spirituality tries to do, I don't know.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#162

Post by pimlottc »

Balgair wrote: post #123
drfloyd51 wrote: post #14

Before kids it was easy to judge bad parents. Then one day with child I found myself due to circumstances in a store way past my child’s bedtime. She was screaming and crying, because it was way past her bedtime. Then I realized… I was now “the bad parent” I had so easily judged. Then it was easy to judge parents with children younger than mine. Until I learned that not all children have the same issues in the same o…

Before kids, you take a look around a diner or a store or a playground and you see little ones happily eating some chips or browsing the foodstuffs or playing on a slide. You think that this is what kids are like. They sit there, they walk a little, they giggle on the playground, they look cute as all get out, etc. Then you have kids and you know. You know . Those kids sitting there in the booth sipping on their milk…

That's not the impression I hear from my many intentionally childless friends. They take the negative behavior - the screaming, tantrums, chaos - as the norm.

It sounds like you always wanted kids. I don't say this to criticize - it's great that those who want to start families do so - but I don't think your experience is universal.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#164

Post by mchaver »

bdangubic wrote: post #138
mchaver wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> people who choose to be child free are not complete human beings Hmm, this seems pretty condescending, but hopefully it is just in jest. With four kids I understand there is a unique set of skills and emotions that come along with it and I am personally grateful for, but there are also a lot skills and emotions you won't have and experience if you never go to war, never become a leader, never experience losing a pa…

I think having kids connects you to humanity in a deeply personal way and connection to humanity is at the higher level than anecdotal example of various human experiences we’ll never experience first hand.

I think there are many ways to connect deeply to humanity and you are being dismissive of those other experiences. Yours is just another anecdote amongst the ones I presented. Would you dismiss your kids experiences if they decide not to have kids? I would not.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#165

Post by lou1306 »

matsemann wrote: post #39
yanis_t wrote: post #6

Having kids is a gift. But this is one of these kinds of knowledge that once you know you immediately can't explain to others who don't.

My problem with that wording is that it comes across a bit arrogant or "I know better". I think many people _do_ understand what you mean even if they don't have kids, they're just not that interested in those parts of life, which also should be fair.

My problem with that problem is that, well, people who have kids definitionally know (better?) about having them. Like being able to experience a book in its original version vs a translation.

It's okay if you don't want to learn Spanish, but when people discuss the struggles and delights of reading Cien Años de Soledad they're not necessarily being arrogant, just stating their lived experience.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#166

Post by hosel »

matsemann wrote: post #116
nxor2 wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ironically, you are telling the above commenter to not comment as they did, so that op can comment as he did. If one person is allowed to share their thoughts then so is the other.

One shared his own experience, the other is a direct attack on his kids and the parent. Quite a big difference. The "I pity your kids" is straight up vile.

How is it vile to pity children whose parents regret that they were born? Children whose father loathes spending time with them. Sorry, but maybe some people should feel shame sometimes

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#167

Post by matsemann »

nxor2 wrote: post #117
matsemann wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One shared his own experience, the other is a direct attack on his kids and the parent. Quite a big difference. The "I pity your kids" is straight up vile.

Also ironically, you attack with the word "vile" and frame the other comment as an "attack." I can't with this site.

Note the difference: I said something about a statement. They said something about that person's kids.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#169

Post by sumtimes89 »

corry wrote: post #28

This is one of my favourites from PG, not least because it's a bit antithetical to what I perceive as a growing trend among smart, ambitious people (for whom children might represent friction, inconvenience, etc)... as well as folks for whom COL is making the question irrelevant due to practical concerns. Actually, it's really striking that even in America -- the developed country with the #1 highest birthrate -- sti…

More wealth and education gives people the option to choose which I think is a good thing. People who don't want kids shouldn't be forced to have them. Before, people had kids because they needed them to work on their farm or it's what was expected of them as a housewife. Now that we have a choice, less people want to commit to taking care of a human for 18+ years. It's great so many people want to be parents but having a kid doesn't automatically make someone a great parent.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#170

Post by DonThomasitos »

brightball wrote: post #146
drfloyd51 wrote: post #14

Before kids it was easy to judge bad parents. Then one day with child I found myself due to circumstances in a store way past my child’s bedtime. She was screaming and crying, because it was way past her bedtime. Then I realized… I was now “the bad parent” I had so easily judged. Then it was easy to judge parents with children younger than mine. Until I learned that not all children have the same issues in the same o…

I was the worlds best parent...before I had kids.

Thanks for making me laugh - great poetry :D and so true. I can‘t stand people w/o kids complaining about their parents.
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