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Having Kids (2019)

paulgraham.com

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Re: Having Kids (2019)

#111

Post by majkinetor »

Daneel_ wrote: post #49
fdghrtbrt wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would like to hear in what sense you love your kids, given that "he first six years have so far been very much a drag on my life and productivity, and not much else. They haven’t provided fulfilment, and they haven’t provided satisfaction. (...) Happiness for me typically starts after my kids are in bed or when I can escape them during work hours." Do you say "I love my kids" because that's what everybody says, or…

I go above and beyond to give them a great life - to care about providing them with a rich education, as well as a wide variety of life experiences, to immerse them in quality time with friends and family, to travel with them and spend time amongst various cultures and amongst nature. I’m there for them whenever they need me, and also when they don’t. I take the time to give genuine answers, to feed their curiosity,…

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Re: Having Kids (2019)

#112

Post by dominotw »

raincole wrote: post #70
loloquwowndueo wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

“A” reason? Given the post you’re replying to, it seems you’re implying a specific reason, but what if it’s a different one? How about “I love children but having kids is super expensive”?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Income_and_fertility > There is generally an inverse correlation between monetary income and the total fertility rate within and between nations. https://www.statista.com/statistics/241530/birth-rate-by-fam... > In 2021, the birth rate in the United States was highest in families that had under 10,000 U.S. dollars in income per year And a few thousands more links.

> How about “I love children but having kids is super expensive”?

always surprises me when ppl say this when they clearly observe the opposite in action. whats going on here.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#113

Post by Daneel_ »

gib444 wrote: post #101
Daneel_ wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would never let them think I regret them - that’s such a cruel thing to inflict upon them, and it’s certainly not their fault. I also don’t regret the joy it’s brought my wife. I regret the loss of my mental energy and personal time, but not them, if that makes sense.

> that’s such a cruel thing to inflict upon them It certainly is. Speaking from personal experience. And he let me know in a very direct and cruel way.

I’m genuinely sorry to hear that.

I make sure my kids know I love them in many, many ways.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#115

Post by Daneel_ »

majkinetor wrote: post #111
Daneel_ wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I go above and beyond to give them a great life - to care about providing them with a rich education, as well as a wide variety of life experiences, to immerse them in quality time with friends and family, to travel with them and spend time amongst various cultures and amongst nature. I’m there for them whenever they need me, and also when they don’t. I take the time to give genuine answers, to feed their curiosity,…

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It’s not forced, and we do show by example. I also disagree that they’re too young to be immersed in a love for education, culture, and people. Oh and music too. We listen to a lot of music (for fun!).

My family and friends are multi-cultural so they’re naturally exposed to several cultures, for example. It’s also important to my wife and I as the world itself is multi-cultural, so having an appreciation that different people live their lives differently is important. We lead by example simply by living in a multi-cultural life and embracing it.

Take that same approach and apply it across the rest of the points I made. Nothing is forced, I promise.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#116

Post by matsemann »

nxor2 wrote: post #85
gk1 wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Shaming like this doesn’t change people’s minds, it just makes them hide their feelings and introduces new or even greater feelings of guilt. The opposite of what you (hopefully) intended.

Ironically, you are telling the above commenter to not comment as they did, so that op can comment as he did. If one person is allowed to share their thoughts then so is the other.

One shared his own experience, the other is a direct attack on his kids and the parent. Quite a big difference. The "I pity your kids" is straight up vile.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#117

Post by nxor2 »

matsemann wrote: post #116
nxor2 wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ironically, you are telling the above commenter to not comment as they did, so that op can comment as he did. If one person is allowed to share their thoughts then so is the other.

One shared his own experience, the other is a direct attack on his kids and the parent. Quite a big difference. The "I pity your kids" is straight up vile.

Also ironically, you attack with the word "vile" and frame the other comment as an "attack." I can't with this site.

Re: Having Kids (2019)

#118

Post by fdghrtbrt »

majkinetor wrote: post #111
Daneel_ wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I go above and beyond to give them a great life - to care about providing them with a rich education, as well as a wide variety of life experiences, to immerse them in quality time with friends and family, to travel with them and spend time amongst various cultures and amongst nature. I’m there for them whenever they need me, and also when they don’t. I take the time to give genuine answers, to feed their curiosity,…

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Re: Having Kids (2019)

#119

Post by Daneel_ »

hotfrost wrote: post #59

I would really like to have kids, but I don’t have my act together. I also feel like my partner is not suitable or capable of properly taking care of our kids. Feels pretty awful and am scared to not have any kids as I grow older. I worked hard to get a good relationship with my partner, and now that we have one I worry kids will only ruin what we have now

I hope you’re in a position where you can have an honest conversation about it with your partner. I’ve come to realise over time that honest and open communication is the most critical thing in any relationship. I really hope it works out for you both!
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