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How to talk to anyone and why you should

theguardian.com

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Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#71

Post by sieep »

hluska wrote: post #55
mattlondon wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

+1 In any major city it's probably 90% chance they're either a crook trying to scam you out of something or mentally not quite right. The remaining 10% will be tourists or people from outside of the major city.

Or they have social skills?

I understand what both of you are saying, I lived in areas where if someone is talking to you on the street theres a high chance theyre asking you for something, so you learn to just kinda block all of it out. Now that I moved to a smaller town, I find myself talking to strangers much more frequently.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#72

Post by paulpauper »

SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

I highly recommend talking to strangers! People are lovely. Go out and try it.

I did this a few times and it surprisingly worked. I was able to make small talk about an article I was reading. Did it matter that I didn't come off with the confidence of Tony Robbins? No.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#73

Post by nzeid »

mattlondon wrote: post #47
k__ wrote: post #36

I usually avoid strangers, because those who talk to you are usually weirdos. Thing is, if normal people don't talk to strangers anymore, then only the weirdos are left, reinforcing the idea that only weirdos talk to strangers...

+1 In any major city it's probably 90% chance they're either a crook trying to scam you out of something or mentally not quite right. The remaining 10% will be tourists or people from outside of the major city.

On public transit or a street, maybe. But only maybe.

Are you willfully ignoring people at bars, night clubs, supermarkets, etc?

It's obvious 99% of the time whether or not the conversation is in the wrong place and wrong time.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#75

Post by mattlondon »

granfalloon wrote: post #70
mattlondon wrote: post #30

I hate these sort of things. Like everyone is just sitting there hoping, hoping for someone to strike up a conversation with them. Oh thank god someone has started a conversation with me! /sarcasm Respect people's boundaries please. Don't force yourself on people unless they're obviously willing participants. People put extroversion/introversion as like this binary, permanent thing that cannot be changed. In reality…

What's being "forced"? And what boundaries aren't being respected? If someone attempts to strike up a conversation and you're not interested, you can signal that. Or just be direct and say you don't feel like talking. Sure, that can be uncomfortable, but you can't expect humanity as a whole to repress its social nature just to spare you occasional, fleeting moments of mild discomfort. (And despite the wide spectrum o…

Because it is this "talk to anyone" thing, like if they say no you just need to keep trying because really deep down they just don't know how nice you're being by giving them a chance to talk to you.

It's supreme arrogance. Read the body language and just leave people alone.

If someone is up for talking they'll show the obvious signs - facing you, eye contact, smiling, that sort of waiting-for-something look/expression. I've had e-fucking-nough of people thinking they can "fix" me when I am trying to get some time to myself waiting for a train or whatever after a stressful day at work or being woken up endlessly by kids/neighbours/whatever.

Otherwise it should be "talk to anyone who is obviously open to and willing to have a conversation with you", at which point it's a total tautology anyway and you don't need a guide, it's just natural chat that you don't need to force on someone to make it happen.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#78

Post by mannycalavera42 »

chatmasta wrote: post #3
general_reveal wrote: post #2

I find the community on Clubhouse understand this better than anyone (well, this is true for Reddit and HN too). Clubhouse especially though because people are bat shit crazy on there and somehow conversations happen. It’s a hidden gem that I think the HN community would enjoy.

Clubhouse is still around?!

you cannot sign up without sharing your contact list (lol)

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#79

Post by tl2do »

reddalo wrote: post #67
tl2do wrote: post #38

I agree that expanding communication with strangers is important. But starting with "Do you mind if I sit here? Or did you want to be alone with your thoughts?" and then continuing a conversation for 10+ minutes is a real struggle for me. Sometimes I even wonder—how exactly does this kind of individual conversation actually help me? Maybe this is just me.

>how exactly does this kind of individual conversation actually help me? It doesn't. It just helps the speaker.

That makes me think—why do I enjoy conversations with friends then? What's really the difference between a friend and a stranger? Friends annoy me too, maybe even more often than strangers do.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#80

Post by plasticeagle »

I agree with this article completely.

I've had three long and very memorable conversations on internaltional plane flights in the past, with three extremely interesting and intelligent people. I don't tend to take those flights anymore, they were for work and the novelty of international travel for work wore off. Now I get out of it whenever I can.

But those three conversations have stayed with me.

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