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How to talk to anyone and why you should

theguardian.com

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Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#41

Post by hluska »

beached_whale wrote: post #21
r17n wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I love this. I know I struggle with "I don't want to bother this person". How do you deal with that?

I think that it comes down to that people often like to talk about their interests but worry that the recipient may not be. So we end up with two people who want to talk but worried about the others feelings.

These are called questions. They’re great. Hell, if you want to be regarded as a great conversationalist and great storyteller, all you have to do is ask questions.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#43

Post by leonflexo »

baxtr wrote: post #32
r17n wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I love this. I know I struggle with "I don't want to bother this person". How do you deal with that?

Do you get bothered when someone talks to you in a nice fashion?

If the answer is, "of course not". Pull that thread. Honestly, so much "therapy" for some of us boils down to confronting/examining that disconnect and exploring why it exists/how it came to be.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#44

Post by rootusrootus »

saaaaaam wrote: post #24

I talk to everyone. My friends and family joke that it’s impossible for me to go anywhere without getting into conversation with someone. I can’t imagine not doing it. Earlier this year I walked down the main shopping street it the part of the large city where I live, with a colleague from out of town. A few shopkeepers waved through their windows as I went past, the greengrocer came out of his shop to have a quick c…

> talking to people would become transactional rather than joyous

Only if you let it! I am guessing you would do well, because people can absolutely tell when you are being a smarmy politician and when you're actually a legitimately friendly, decent person.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#45

Post by Agingcoder »

AntiDyatlov wrote: post #33

Man, talking to strangers in random places just feels socially uncalibrated to me, like I'm being retarded. The first time I across that idea was in the form of "cold approach", the idea of trying to score a date from a woman you see while out and about. I wonder if anyone who did this had to start from a baseline of feeling this is straight up weird (I'm pretty sure it is weird in my culture).

This is very different

Most random encounters have a pretext, from smoking a cigarette to talking to the shopkeeper, or being in a queue for a long time.

Talking to a woman ( esp given that many of them are harassed from what I understand from my female friends ) without any reason to is much harder

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#46

Post by hluska »

parineum wrote: post #29
saaaaaam wrote: post #24

I talk to everyone. My friends and family joke that it’s impossible for me to go anywhere without getting into conversation with someone. I can’t imagine not doing it. Earlier this year I walked down the main shopping street it the part of the large city where I live, with a colleague from out of town. A few shopkeepers waved through their windows as I went past, the greengrocer came out of his shop to have a quick c…

> She couldn’t understand when I said that would take all the pleasure out of it, because talking to people would become transactional rather than joyous. It doesn't have to and I suspect that's why your colleague suggested it. Politicians act that way because that's what people want except they don't want someone who is acting. You have what politicians pretend to have because it makes people like them. You might be…

Hey bud, with all due respect, you’re arguing against who someone believes they are.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#47

Post by mattlondon »

k__ wrote: post #36

I usually avoid strangers, because those who talk to you are usually weirdos. Thing is, if normal people don't talk to strangers anymore, then only the weirdos are left, reinforcing the idea that only weirdos talk to strangers...

+1 In any major city it's probably 90% chance they're either a crook trying to scam you out of something or mentally not quite right. The remaining 10% will be tourists or people from outside of the major city.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#48

Post by coffeefirst »

r17n wrote: post #14
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

I love this. I know I struggle with "I don't want to bother this person". How do you deal with that?

I got a puppy. Then everyone wanted to talk to my puppy.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#49

Post by _zt3y »

tumdum_ wrote: post #28

We are living in a dictatorship of extroverts, who go out of their way (what a suprprise) to tell us that their ways are obviously better.

It's really tiresome. I am happy to have to a conversation if approached, but don't tell me I "should" do the same to others

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#50

Post by bluebarbet »

SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

This will never be me (I find any kind of smalltalk excruciating). But I'm so grateful, not to say relieved, that there are people like you. Society needs you.
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