Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

How to talk to anyone and why you should

theguardian.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

31–40 of 584 posts

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#31

Post by kshacker »

I am currently struggling with a deep rumination loop about events from 35 years ago; the trigger three weeks ago was completely accidental, but it was one of the biggest shocks I’ve had in decades. I can't help but think how different life would be if I had the communication skills then that I have now.

Growing up in a conservative, religious household outside the US, there was no support for slow processors, and those who didn't fit the dogma were simply told to 'shut up.' The more you were forced to shut up, the more you closed off. Since this was before the internet, self-help tools were non-existent. I really wish the coaching tools and protocols we have today had been available back then. It wouldn't have changed everything, but it would have given me the tools to manage many situations that I simply couldn't handle at the time.

And yes, I agree with the headline... talk to people, anyone, everyone. Maybe you’ll get help, or maybe you just go for it—because regardless of any embarrassment you face now, you may find yourself proud of that courage decades later.

PS: Improved with AI

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#32

Post by baxtr »

r17n wrote: post #14
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

I love this. I know I struggle with "I don't want to bother this person". How do you deal with that?

Do you get bothered when someone talks to you in a nice fashion?

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#33

Post by AntiDyatlov »

Man, talking to strangers in random places just feels socially uncalibrated to me, like I'm being retarded. The first time I across that idea was in the form of "cold approach", the idea of trying to score a date from a woman you see while out and about.

I wonder if anyone who did this had to start from a baseline of feeling this is straight up weird (I'm pretty sure it is weird in my culture).

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#34

Post by rootusrootus »

It is a hard skill, but I do recommend it. I have always struggled with initiating a conversation with a stranger, but 99 times out of 100 it has turned out well. My teenage daughter just stands there agape when I do it, she is still struggling even to speak up to the cashier taking her fast food order. I keep telling her that it makes me pretty nervous too, but it is so worth taking the little leap.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#35

Post by rootusrootus »

baxtr wrote: post #32
r17n wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I love this. I know I struggle with "I don't want to bother this person". How do you deal with that?

Do you get bothered when someone talks to you in a nice fashion?

Not the guy you asked, but my answer is: only if they are panhandling. Otherwise I usually feel a little surprised that someone would have any interest in my thoughts. So I feel a bit tickled if they have genuine interest.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#36

Post by k__ »

I usually avoid strangers, because those who talk to you are usually weirdos.

Thing is, if normal people don't talk to strangers anymore, then only the weirdos are left, reinforcing the idea that only weirdos talk to strangers...

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#37

Post by hluska »

r17n wrote: post #14
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

I love this. I know I struggle with "I don't want to bother this person". How do you deal with that?

My grandpa had a gift for people - the man could start a conversation with anyone, form fast friends and remember their spouse’s middle name in twenty years.

As he put it, it’s a coin toss. Maybe you’re bothering them or maybe they’re grateful to have someone to distract them. Each is equally true before you start the conversation.

The key is being able to read social cues. If you can, you can stop bothering them.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#38

Post by tl2do »

I agree that expanding communication with strangers is important. But starting with "Do you mind if I sit here? Or did you want to be alone with your thoughts?" and then continuing a conversation for 10+ minutes is a real struggle for me. Sometimes I even wonder—how exactly does this kind of individual conversation actually help me? Maybe this is just me.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#39

Post by Agingcoder »

r17n wrote: post #14
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

I love this. I know I struggle with "I don't want to bother this person". How do you deal with that?

You virtually never bother them - worst case they’ll turn you down.

On the contrary, they’re usually very happy to tell you about what they do.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#40

Post by [deleted] »

r17n wrote: post #14
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

I love this. I know I struggle with "I don't want to bother this person". How do you deal with that?

[deleted]
Post reply on HN