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I rebooted my social life

takes.jamesomalley.co.uk

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Re: I rebooted my social life

#361

Post by gcanyon »

y0eswddl wrote: post #244
xorcist wrote: post #224

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> men need activities more than women to bond Frankly, I don't know why more women doesn't center their social life around activities. It's an excellent idea. Seriously, what's not to like?

Honestly, as a non-sports loving male, it makes it much harder to build male friendships. Not that its impossible, but the majority* of men get together to watch, play, or talk about sports the majority of the time... whereas I'm perfectly fine just hanging out where hanging out is the activity! I eventually just stopped trying to invite most of my guy friends out for 1-1 meals, etc. * hyperbole

Kids these days get together and give presentations to each other. For example, a co-worker of mine had everyone at her birthday party present on an inventor they chose.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#362

Post by Thiez »

WolfeReader wrote: post #248
bragh wrote: post #222

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> For example, studies have shown that men who decide to isolate themselves to be "family men" die earlier at age 58. Yes, but isn't it a benefit to society as a whole though? All the prime working years are gone by then and there is no need to pay pension to those men or for expensive medical treatments. And younger generations can be happy for there being one less cishet white male boomer in the world. I mean, it s…

People dying at below the average life expectancy is not a benefit to society. This idea that people you don't like should die for the "benefit" of society has been tried before. It doesn't end well.

Of course people dying younger is a benefit to society. Old people cost a lot, they're not productive, and (unlike children) they don't have any productive years in their future either. Ideally we would all drop dead of a heart attack 10 years after reaching retirement age (this would also solve the geriatocracy we find ourselves in).

Instead we clutch to life far beyond any societal benefit and, in many cases, beyond personal benefit too, spending a fortune to delay death another few weeks or months… but with incredibly low quality of life.

That said, dying at 58 is probably of no real benefit. But everyone dying a few years younger would have prevented Brexit.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#363

Post by a96 »

danenania wrote: post #181
nunez wrote: post #173

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It definitely can be a chore. I organized a large (600+-person at its peak) Meetup in Park Slope, Brooklyn, NY during Meetup's hayday (2010-ish). Meeting heaps of different people from all walks of life was interesting at first. But like a previous poster stated, connections like these are fleeting and take a lot of work to maintain (especially if you're a man, which I am; see the end of this post for more on that).…

Oh man, I relate so hard on the sports conversations.

Did you see that ludicrous display last night?

Re: I rebooted my social life

#364

Post by throw4847285 »

suslik wrote: post #325
throw4847285 wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sweeping self-loathing statements like that are actually a defense mechanism. Fear of rejection is so great that one would rather believe that one is worthless than have another person think one is slightly annoying. Better to self-sooth with self-abnegation than face the uncertainty of other's judgment.

For some of us, there’s no uncertainty about other’s judgement - it’s just the op experience all the way down.

Let's apply Occam's Razor. Which is more likely? Every person you've ever met and will meet thinks you are terrible, or, you think you are terrible?

I'm not erasing the existence of the many people you've encountered who don't like you. But what if negative experiences in your past have eroded your distress tolerance and you now cannot distinguish normal human conflict from an affront to you, personally? Or, what if you have given up on human contact because, subconsciously, you made a calculation that simulacra of human contact might be unsatisfying but, like methadone, they give you just enough to avoid the real stuff?

I don't think any of the psychological pictures I have painted are necessarily correct. But I do know that what you're telling me is BS.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#365

Post by a96 »

charlie0 wrote: post #145
iamnothere wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The US. I think the increased political polarization has changed things somewhat, as well as the aging of my peer demographic. People tend to become more close-minded and fixed in their beliefs as they age, so if you’re a freethinker who enjoys thought experiments and challenging norms then it’s difficult to find others who are similar. Even many so-called “freethinkers” merely regurgitate common talking points and c…

I'm with you all the way. It's always much easier to strike up conversations with foreigners on my travels (or the locals) abroad than it is with people from the US, even when abroad. I was on vacation taking a tour when another American family joined. It didn't take long until they started to talk about politics. We could have talked about so many other things, but that's the reality for the vast majority of America…

It's more tribalism than actual politics.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#366

Post by throw4847285 »

mm351206 wrote: post #132
throw4847285 wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sweeping self-loathing statements like that are actually a defense mechanism. Fear of rejection is so great that one would rather believe that one is worthless than have another person think one is slightly annoying. Better to self-sooth with self-abnegation than face the uncertainty of other's judgment.

Well, if you’ve been excluded your entire life, like I have, if your invitations are rejected, if you’re never the one being invited, if you search for people who never search for you, and if every connection you manage to form is shortlived and ends in ghosting, it starts to make you doubt your own humanity a little. I think my experience, like the OP, allows me to entertain the idea that there’s something fundament…

First of all, respect for using "sex without a condom" as a metaphor for solitude.

Second, it's weird that what you've written comes off as entirely insincere. It's like you've been assigned a high school essay to "write what a sad person sounds like."

You aren't even really talking to me at all. It's a story you're telling yourself that is actually deeply self-absorbed, maudlin, and also clearly false. I don't think you find your life pleasant, but I believe there is something you are not telling me, or yourself, about why that is. Good luck figuring that out. I don't know you at all, but I think you're capable of it.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#367

Post by maplant »

calf wrote: post #273
Kiro wrote: post #252

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to be like you, living my life based on external beliefs of what I "should" do. Once I realized that I didn't have to all my stress disappeared and I've never been happier.

There is a deep irony in an argument that pushes a pro-socializing view in a black-and-white, authoritarian way, "shoulding" statements, shaming tactics. It's actually anti-social, and the authors of the cited paper probably would not agree.

I very much doubt that the authors would disagree with the statement that socializing is a fundamental human need considering they wrote it themselves

Re: I rebooted my social life

#368

Post by a96 »

cjdell wrote: post #254
Animats wrote: post #219

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I miss the maker space era. I was at TechShop for most of the years it existed.

I'm glad Hackspace culture is still very much alive in the UK. It feels like people are starting to become interested in such things again. I'm hoping the growing right-to-repair/modify movement will steer more people in this direction. https://www.hackspace.org.uk/

There's several here in cold north as well, but they're kind of hit by the population density problem. Only the few biggest cities have a lot of activity.

It's kind of funny to note that the negative comments here are ones calling it the Make (tm)(R) Magazine spaces and the positives are hackerspaces, as the real ones are.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#370

Post by DC-3 »

JodieBenitez wrote: post #333

> we were living the sort of middle class-ish lifestyle where we could afford multiple foreign holidays a year. That's an upper class thing to me. Am I poor ? Or are the class definitions too vague ?

British class definitions are not at all the same as American ones. At least as traditionally defined, upper class pretty much meant you were in the titled aristocracy.
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