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I rebooted my social life

takes.jamesomalley.co.uk

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Re: I rebooted my social life

#271

Post by znpy »

mmooss wrote: post #267
ProllyInfamous wrote: post #260

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Chill, dawg. >I haven't heard it before. You learned something, today.

Do you have something to say about the issues? Don't worry about me, thanks anyway. Edit: As far as learning something, the GGP's citations were nonsense, as I pointed out. What has anyone offered, other than a demonstration of the fundamentals of misapplying statistics.

you're ruining the mood of the discussion generally bringing in negative vibes.

nobody's worrying about you, rest assured.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#272

Post by mmooss »

znpy wrote: post #271
mmooss wrote: post #267

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you have something to say about the issues? Don't worry about me, thanks anyway. Edit: As far as learning something, the GGP's citations were nonsense, as I pointed out. What has anyone offered, other than a demonstration of the fundamentals of misapplying statistics.

you're ruining the mood of the discussion generally bringing in negative vibes. nobody's worrying about you, rest assured.

lol. Just address the issues, if you can. I've done nothing more.

I don't even see something negative in what I posted - it's pretty positive to me. I didn't say, 'we're all going to die' or say something fatalistic (like the comment I originally responded to).

Unless you mean 'negative' is 'disagrees', which of course badly is miscontrued in open intellectual debate, especially on HN.

> nobody's worrying about you, rest assured.

That seems pretty negative! :)

Re: I rebooted my social life

#273

Post by calf »

Kiro wrote: post #252
maplant wrote: post #133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Socializing is not a "dull chore" it is a essential component of healthy living[1] By not socializing, you are avoiding (to quote the linked article) a "fundamental human need." This is not something you can simply live without, just like you cannot live a good live without exercise. The view you are espousing is fundamentally unhealthy. [1] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11403199/

I used to be like you, living my life based on external beliefs of what I "should" do. Once I realized that I didn't have to all my stress disappeared and I've never been happier.

There is a deep irony in an argument that pushes a pro-socializing view in a black-and-white, authoritarian way, "shoulding" statements, shaming tactics. It's actually anti-social, and the authors of the cited paper probably would not agree.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#274

Post by legerdemain »

einsteinx2 wrote: post #162
2f0ja wrote: post #97

Lovely read. Social health is my number one 2026 priority. I moved into a new city in 2025 and this hits home. I'm lucky to have a great and active group of online friends but it's no replacement for something local. Some things that I've picked up last year that are a good starting point: - timeleft dinners. I get dinner with 5 strangers every few weeks. Tons of fun and you meet a lot of interesting people. - swing…

What’s a timeleft dinner?

There's a subreddit for people using this app, if you're curious: r/TimeLeftApp

Re: I rebooted my social life

#275

Post by AdrianB1 »

btrettel wrote: post #72
eitally wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Personally, I've found that running clubs attract diverse groups and tend toward activities that create ample opportunities for smalltalk and meeting people with shared interests outside of the sport. This doesn't hold true for most other sporting activities, in my experience.

Interesting. I was a decent runner in high school, way back. I'm a cyclist now, but I found that cycling groups tend to either be focused on athletic performance or activism and I don't particularly care for either at this point. I'll have to try some running groups as there are a lot of local ones.

15 years ago I started cycling, by going to amateur XC races. I did that for almost 10 years and it was fun, I got some friends doing it and it worked great for a while. A combination of cycling injury and many people leaving the country ended that endeavor, but it is an example of some simple and practical approach. I was not even looking to socialize, but improve my sedentary life, I found others with similar interests.

I have a childhood friend that is cycling, but he lives in the Netherlands. There people who are cycling more than daily drivers are interested in athletic performance or activism and it kind of sucks, but he got friends skiing and scuba diving, as long as there are common interests you will find some decent people to socialize with.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#276

Post by znpy »

rconti wrote: post #187
littlecranky67 wrote: post #31

Working remotely taught me a similar lesson as the author. The most important part that I think people get wrong in general is that online friends, or your good friends from uni or your childhood youth that you only see in person once or twice a year, can't replace an active local friends group - or community as he calls it. Cutting the daily interactions with other humans by no longer going to an office every day ma…

Yeah, I've been WFH since the pandemic and my team is remote anyway, so even going to the office doesn't help (much). I'm exploring in-office jobs for 2026.

i am somewhere in the middle because my work requires me to go to the office only four days per month but no one is really checking (nor they check if i go in at 9 am or 1pm).

so for me it's nice because i get to have my slow morning and go to the office during lunch break (i live relatively close).

this made me realize that i don't really mind the office (i ended up going almost every day, staying from lunch break 'till 5pm) but i loathe essentially two things:

- shitty coworkers (better to hop job at all, but avoiding them in person does help a lot)

- going to the office being mandatory (as in, not having freedom and autonomy)

in my current setup colleagues tend to autonomously organize when to meet in the office and go out for lunch together. and frankly... it's great.

the work itself has a lot of shortcomings (and i'm fixing things left and right from the first week i joined the company) but the people and the autonomy make it great.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#277

Post by AdrianB1 »

6thbit wrote: post #91

I came to the same conclusions as the author. Then I tried something like this and failed to get people interested. It’s draining for me to reach out to try and convince people, not sure if the social anxiety or the lack of executive functioning. Any tips for someone that understands and wants community but struggles with the building process?

While I think his approach is not the best, even if it worked for him, I am convinced that if you identify a few thigs you like to do you will find some other people with the same interests. There are so many activities that it creates some fragmentation of interests, but the population is still large enough to find others compatible with you.

What I would do: 1. make a list of stuff I would do; 2. check if there are local communities for each item on the list and 3. start joining those communities or look for people interested to join you on the activities on the list. Is that simple, really.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#278

Post by znpy »

redrix wrote: post #245

Wow the opening to this could have been written by me! Solitude in your 30s (particularly as a DINK or SINK household) is dangerously addictive. No need to leave the house… but it does lead one to feel disconnected more broadly over a prolonged period. They’ll have to pry WFH out of my cold, dead hands; but I must say, the times I do travel to the office and spend a day chatting with people are incredibly energising…

> Solitude in your 30s (particularly as a DINK or SINK household) is dangerously addictive.

Can confirm (SINK).

The real problem is that solitude in your 30s is peaceful. So peaceful. So much so that if you built your own safety net and covered your back, solitude is so peaceful that you might end up not even wanting a romantic partner at all.

Anybody that had their fair share of storms in life can confirm that having a calm, peaceful life of solitude can be so peaceful one often doesn't really want to change that.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#279

Post by legerdemain »

yesfitz wrote: post #213
6thbit wrote: post #91

I came to the same conclusions as the author. Then I tried something like this and failed to get people interested. It’s draining for me to reach out to try and convince people, not sure if the social anxiety or the lack of executive functioning. Any tips for someone that understands and wants community but struggles with the building process?

From my experience, here's the general lowest-effort way to find community: Make a list of public places that you like (bars, coffee shops, game shops, etc.) and go to them at the same time on the same day every week. You'll shortly start seeing the same people regularly, even if it's just the staff. Then you can greet those people, introduce yourself, and talk with them. By asking questions about their day, their pl…

This has absolutely never worked for me in cafes, not in decades of trying across multiple states. Cafe regulars either bring their own company or "laptops open, headphones on, heads down."

Amusingly, the rec league pinball people are absolutely ferocious about promotion. Pretty much every thread in r/bayarea about looking for friends gets a pitch from a pinball person.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#280

Post by AdrianB1 »

Sorry, but I read the article and also another of his articles linked in this one and I found that logic is lacking seriously from both. It is so bad it will take the length of the entire article to explain point by point and I am not in the business of correcting people on Internet, but I think raising some concern and making people pay more attention to the logic of the article than the emotions it creates, will help some.
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