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I rebooted my social life

takes.jamesomalley.co.uk

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Re: I rebooted my social life

#251

Post by _yb2s »

galaxyLogic wrote: post #249
_yb2s wrote: post #246

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Good to hear, I struggle with depression and cold plunges have been life changing for me also. I would love to find a community to do it with.

The way Finns do it they take a hot Sauna in the winter and when they get out of the hot-room they go lay naked in the snow. Or plunge into the frozen lake through a sawed-out hole. Then they go back to the sauna again to feel the warmth again. It does feel great and stops you from dwelling in miserable thoughts. That may be part of the reason why Finns are ranked happiest people for multiple years.

Yep, I’ve spent time in Finland and loved this… but for me it works better to skip the warm part and just do the cold.

However, the Finns in the winter did not seem to be happy at all, but mostly quite deep in seasonal depression.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#252

Post by Kiro »

maplant wrote: post #133
iamnothere wrote: post #110

As someone who used to have a highly active social life and now finds IRL socializing to be mostly a dull chore, I always find it confusing to see so many people commenting to the contrary. My partner is slightly more social than me and gets out slightly more than I do, but generally we are homebodies and we like it that way. Other people (at least in this country) are generally emotionally messy, unwilling to tolera…

Socializing is not a "dull chore" it is a essential component of healthy living[1] By not socializing, you are avoiding (to quote the linked article) a "fundamental human need." This is not something you can simply live without, just like you cannot live a good live without exercise. The view you are espousing is fundamentally unhealthy. [1] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11403199/

I used to be like you, living my life based on external beliefs of what I "should" do. Once I realized that I didn't have to all my stress disappeared and I've never been happier.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#253

Post by forthwall »

I feel like my favorite thing to do on a saturday is walk around the city I live in to my friend's houses and just bother them for 20-30 minutes, maybe grab lunch, the mundanity of it I think still achieves community, especially since a brief 30 minute weekly chat IRL is never overwhelming, and I get my steps in. I feel like though it's a privilege to live in a city where most people live within a 4 mile radius, and is entirely walkable at most an hour~ walk away, and much less between nodes.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#254

Post by cjdell »

Animats wrote: post #219
cjdell wrote: post #117

Joining a hackspace/makerspace suddenly introduced me to a high quality real-life social network. It's an excuse to engage with your hobbies but also hangout with like minds and pick up new skills. This won't be an option for everyone. I have to travel for an hour each way to get to mine, but it's worth it. If I had more energy I would start one in the city where I live.

I miss the maker space era. I was at TechShop for most of the years it existed.

I'm glad Hackspace culture is still very much alive in the UK. It feels like people are starting to become interested in such things again. I'm hoping the growing right-to-repair/modify movement will steer more people in this direction.

https://www.hackspace.org.uk/

Re: I rebooted my social life

#255

Post by maplant »

Kiro wrote: post #252
maplant wrote: post #133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Socializing is not a "dull chore" it is a essential component of healthy living[1] By not socializing, you are avoiding (to quote the linked article) a "fundamental human need." This is not something you can simply live without, just like you cannot live a good live without exercise. The view you are espousing is fundamentally unhealthy. [1] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11403199/

I used to be like you, living my life based on external beliefs of what I "should" do. Once I realized that I didn't have to all my stress disappeared and I've never been happier.

People told me I "should" exercise for years and I didn't, but when I did I suddenly got a lot less depressed and my life turned around for the better so I'm going to continue to trust other people

Re: I rebooted my social life

#256

Post by WolfeReader »

mmooss wrote: post #237
j45 wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why does anyone need to be defensive about what someone has found for them? For example, studies have shown that men who decide to isolate themselves to be "family men" die earlier at age 58. It might not need to be a pub, but having a club house to do pretty much anything is enormously beneficial to the human brain to have positive social interaction. We get to decide our own social interaction. The world is not res…

Who is defensive and triggered? It seems like you are the one bringing that up. > men who decide to isolate themselves to be "family men" die earlier at age 58. That seems extremely young. Is that a typo?

No, they all die at 58. It's the darnedest thing.

(Seriously, I have no idea what the actual statistic is that's being misquoted here)

Re: I rebooted my social life

#257

Post by mmooss »

skeeter2020 wrote: post #161
mmooss wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

This is generally known to be true for men. We have a much harder time connecting socially without some sort of shared activity or action. The OP isn't trying to project on to you. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S109051382... https://psychcentral.com/health/didactic-memory?utm_source=c... >> I have no data that it has to do with gender or sex, and why would it matter? The needs aren't predictable b…

> This is generally known to be true for men.

I haven't heard it before.

> We have a much harder time connecting socially without some sort of shared activity or action.

You might have a harder time doing that; other men have different experiences. The average man has brown eyes and is 1.72m tall; does that mean your eyes and height are that way? It's certainly an error to take statistical generalizations and apply them to individuals - one of the first things you learn in statistics.

Also, the studies you cited don't address this issue. The psychcentral link is about memory research. The other looks at social relationships, but doesn't look at this aspect of them. Do you actually know of any research?

> incredbly personal

Don't bother with the ad hominem distractions.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#258

Post by mmooss »

WolfeReader wrote: post #256
mmooss wrote: post #237

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Who is defensive and triggered? It seems like you are the one bringing that up. > men who decide to isolate themselves to be "family men" die earlier at age 58. That seems extremely young. Is that a typo?

No, they all die at 58. It's the darnedest thing. (Seriously, I have no idea what the actual statistic is that's being misquoted here)

That's got to really drive up life insurance premiums.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#259

Post by physicles »

mynameisash wrote: post #203
alexpotato wrote: post #10

Back in 2019, got to go to Hong Kong for a couple months for work and got to bring my family. I was about to turn 40 and realized that the place we were staying had a rock wall. In a somewhat "mid life crisis" spur of the moment decision, I decided to go buy shoes, a belt and a chalk bag (I did a lot of indoor rock climbing in college). We get there and the rock wall is a. closed and b. only for kids. Get back to the…

Two years ago, my son was REALLY struggling with his depression. Having tried almost everything, at the suggestion of his therapist, he tried cold showers. To show some solidarity, I decided we should do cold plunges into the ocean together. A guy that I was starting to become friendly with humored us and came with. Two years later, that guy and I are best friends, and we cold plunge every Saturday together. Just did…

There’s something about cold plunges. My group started when some of us started meeting for drinks and a swim after work during the summer, and we just kept doing it every week through the winter. Some joined the group during the winter. Those people became my closest friends:

- We see each other every week, almost without fail

- I suspect the invitation to a cold plunge pre-selects for people with very high openness, and those people aren’t afraid of deep friendships

- Doing something hard and a little bit scary together strengthens the bond

Re: I rebooted my social life

#260

Post by ProllyInfamous »

mmooss wrote: post #257
skeeter2020 wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is generally known to be true for men. We have a much harder time connecting socially without some sort of shared activity or action. The OP isn't trying to project on to you. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S109051382... https://psychcentral.com/health/didactic-memory?utm_source=c... >> I have no data that it has to do with gender or sex, and why would it matter? The needs aren't predictable b…

> This is generally known to be true for men. I haven't heard it before. > We have a much harder time connecting socially without some sort of shared activity or action. You might have a harder time doing that; other men have different experiences. The average man has brown eyes and is 1.72m tall; does that mean your eyes and height are that way? It's certainly an error to take statistical generalizations and apply t…

Chill, dawg.

>I haven't heard it before.

You learned something, today.

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