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I rebooted my social life

takes.jamesomalley.co.uk

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Re: I rebooted my social life

#201

Post by treis »

nunez wrote: post #173
maplant wrote: post #133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Socializing is not a "dull chore" it is a essential component of healthy living[1] By not socializing, you are avoiding (to quote the linked article) a "fundamental human need." This is not something you can simply live without, just like you cannot live a good live without exercise. The view you are espousing is fundamentally unhealthy. [1] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11403199/

It definitely can be a chore. I organized a large (600+-person at its peak) Meetup in Park Slope, Brooklyn, NY during Meetup's hayday (2010-ish). Meeting heaps of different people from all walks of life was interesting at first. But like a previous poster stated, connections like these are fleeting and take a lot of work to maintain (especially if you're a man, which I am; see the end of this post for more on that).…

>Everyone ALSO loves talking about themselves

I see this a lot and it's interesting because I don't like to talk about myself much. Doubly so about work. I wonder how many of us there are.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#202

Post by bitexploder »

skeeter2020 wrote: post #161
mmooss wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

This is generally known to be true for men. We have a much harder time connecting socially without some sort of shared activity or action. The OP isn't trying to project on to you. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S109051382... https://psychcentral.com/health/didactic-memory?utm_source=c... >> I have no data that it has to do with gender or sex, and why would it matter? The needs aren't predictable b…

There is an interesting thing. If you study the socialization patterns there are only small to moderate average differences and huge overlap between individuals (all genders). This is in part social construct and in part nature. When you average things statistically you can mislead yourself pretty quickly reading some of these studies.

There is more overlap than not. So, how do we reconcile that with how things end up: network effect. Small biases in socialization norms lead to significant non-linear outcomes due to amplification of these biases leading to norms that exaggerate these biases and end up creating norms that are quite distorted from the average. Leads to some significant consequences for how different genders end up socialization.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#203

Post by mynameisash »

alexpotato wrote: post #10

Back in 2019, got to go to Hong Kong for a couple months for work and got to bring my family. I was about to turn 40 and realized that the place we were staying had a rock wall. In a somewhat "mid life crisis" spur of the moment decision, I decided to go buy shoes, a belt and a chalk bag (I did a lot of indoor rock climbing in college). We get there and the rock wall is a. closed and b. only for kids. Get back to the…

Two years ago, my son was REALLY struggling with his depression. Having tried almost everything, at the suggestion of his therapist, he tried cold showers. To show some solidarity, I decided we should do cold plunges into the ocean together. A guy that I was starting to become friendly with humored us and came with.

Two years later, that guy and I are best friends, and we cold plunge every Saturday together. Just did a new years plunge with our friend group that is growing. My wife commented this morning that I've really 'farmed' my friend group, whereas a few years ago. I was myself very frustrated with having no real friends anymore.

FYI, my son is in a much better place.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#204

Post by mm351206 »

brabel wrote: post #198
mm351206 wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, if you’ve been excluded your entire life, like I have, if your invitations are rejected, if you’re never the one being invited, if you search for people who never search for you, and if every connection you manage to form is shortlived and ends in ghosting, it starts to make you doubt your own humanity a little. I think my experience, like the OP, allows me to entertain the idea that there’s something fundament…

Sometimes I feel the same, though I did get married, which just happened because I took desperate measures and started using Russian Brides style websites! I was lucky and can’t really recommend these days as it’s mostly scam, but it did work for me 15 years ago. I used to have one good friend, and he was the one that got called by everyone, and I just cruised along. But after he moved away I lost all contact with ev…

>I wish I lived in a small town where you just meet people you know already by going out where everyone is or something

I actually grow up in a small town, like 4000 people in total, in Italy. It is even worse: if you're just a little bit strange and you don't form some kind of friendship while in grade school, the rest of your social life is basically determined to be over.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#206

Post by NoImmatureAdHom »

hypeatei wrote: post #197
NoImmatureAdHom wrote: post #184

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> So you'd be fine with say, Kamala, running on a campaign of crushing dissent because the courts will say "lol no"? Is that what I'm reading? No, I wouldn't be fine with it. Do you imagine this is what Trump is doing? Or that Democrats don't do the same? Democrats ran a long and successful campaign to crush anti-woke dissent, for instance. Broke lots of laws (and still do!) in the process. Questioning woke orthodoxy…

> Democrats ran a long and successful campaign to crush anti-woke dissent, for instance. Broke lots of laws (and still do!) Citation/elaboration needed. Same goes for the Title IX comment. How did Biden "compel speech" on campuses? > and they wielded power to make sure the same was true in many non-gov institutions Again, cancel culture, no matter how aggressive, is not the same as using the monopoly on violence to g…

I appreciate you engaging.

1) https://speechfirst.org/case/title-ix/ is the third ddg result for title ix compelled speech. Basically, the feds under Biden were going to compel use of people's preferred pronouns. Ideally it would have failed in court.

Elaboration: For a very long time, in many states and parts of the federal government, there has been overt discrimination on the basis of race, sex, disability status, etc. in direct and obvious violation of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Things like skin-color quotas for hiring, preferences for vendors, etc. You're certainly familiar. They hired people who would, at the very least, not speak out against their regime's practices, and ideally who would help perpetuate them.

> Again, cancel culture, no matter how aggressive... It's not just twitter mobs. To get the large gov't grants necessary to be successful in science, for instance, it was ~mandatory for the past while to have a DEI angle on your application. Many forms actually had a section for it. So, in this case, the gov't isn't using its monopoly on violence exactly, but it's not cancel culture. (and of course there were many grants funded that weren't just a DEI angle, it was 100% DEI bullshit)

"A huge conspiracy to overtly break the law" is what DEI was and still sadly largely is.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#207

Post by FireBeyond »

markeroon wrote: post #164
andrewl wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As another commenter said, at lot of the fraternal organizations are religious. The Elks site says to be eligible for membership, you must 1) Be at least 21 years of age; 2) Believe in God; 3) Be a citizen of the United States who pledges allegiance to and salutes the American Flag; 4) Be of good character. The Knights of Columbus says membership is limited to practicing Catholic men. That works for some people. I li…

That's strange, I know a bunch of guys in my hometown who hang out at the Elks who aren't religious. Most of them are probably confirmed or at least baptized though.

Yeah, the Eagles Lodge in my town is pretty lax about it - they do want you to do one community service day a year but that to them was basically a "substitute" for "be of good character and righteous" or whatever.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#209

Post by D-Coder »

morganf wrote: post #57

I did almost the identical project the OP did, for the same reasons, in the same style. Reading that article could have been (with 10% of details tweaked) about my experience. The biggest difference in how the author approached and how I did: he did it monthly; I did it weekly . I found that made a HUGE difference in building community. If it's once a month, and people come on average 50% of the time, then you'll see…

I found that a weekly meeting for a language-learning group worked great. Your family and even your friends learn, "Oh Wednesday evening, D-Coder's busy."

Re: I rebooted my social life

#210

Post by ksymph »

teiferer wrote: post #85
ksymph wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I relate very closely, having had the same thoughts over the past few years. Social clubs sound good in theory, but in my experience it's difficult to connect with people without a central activity or subject to act as a touchstone. It's a frustrating sort of paradox where the best social groups diverge greatly from their core theme, and yet the core theme is necessary to reach and maintain critical mass. I think it'…

> I think it's possible to get around the problem Could you articulate what you perceive to be a problem with all that?

I can't speak for anyone else, but in trying to pursue groups with relevant interests, I've run into one of three issues:

1. The club/etc follows its core conceit closely, and discussions and such naturally don't branch off far

2. Connected to 1, the folks who actively engage in a club are typically very invested in the subject; when my interest is more casual, it can be difficult to connect with those more passionate

And 3., most critically, the things I am passionate about are too niche to sustain dedicated clubs anywhere but the most dense of population centers, which for a variety of reasons I have no interest in relocating to.

I would appreciate a group where a variety of unique interests is encouraged. I enjoy interacting with people who are passionate in their own ways, even when they don't necessarily line up with my own passions; I realize there are clubs and such out there which likely fit my preferences, but I have yet to find one reasonably nearby.

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