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I rebooted my social life

takes.jamesomalley.co.uk

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Re: I rebooted my social life

#161

Post by skeeter2020 »

mmooss wrote: post #154
izend wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have had this discussion with my wife, men need activities more than women to bond. My wife can make friends just by randomly running into other women at events or my daughter's activities.

[flagged]

This is generally known to be true for men. We have a much harder time connecting socially without some sort of shared activity or action. The OP isn't trying to project on to you.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S109051382...

https://psychcentral.com/health/didactic-memory?utm_source=c...

>> I have no data that it has to do with gender or sex, and why would it matter? The needs aren't predictable based on gender/sex

not sure what you're trying to say here, but you seem to have taken a very mild, very general statement incredbly personal.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#162

Post by einsteinx2 »

2f0ja wrote: post #97

Lovely read. Social health is my number one 2026 priority. I moved into a new city in 2025 and this hits home. I'm lucky to have a great and active group of online friends but it's no replacement for something local. Some things that I've picked up last year that are a good starting point: - timeleft dinners. I get dinner with 5 strangers every few weeks. Tons of fun and you meet a lot of interesting people. - swing…

What’s a timeleft dinner?

Re: I rebooted my social life

#163

Post by heresie-dabord »

pjc50 wrote: post #45
zug_zug wrote: post #36

[flagged]

For "skeptic" read "contrarian". It's probably for the best that the author is spending less time online, given how the Glinner radicalization pipeline destroyed Glinner and various other people.

Two helpful references:

"Radicalisation pipeline:"

* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alt-right_pipeline

Who is "Glinner":

* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graham_Linehan

Rationalists and "skeptics" aren't really capable of maintaining a robust club because a) it's hard to find healthy critical thinking in societies that are still addled in a swamp of tribalism from millennia ago, and b) not believing in fables is a weak social pretext. (Hey, let's get together for pints and not believe in $somegroup's ravings.)

The application of rational thought is an educational process. With all the inherent fragility of any educational process.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#164

Post by markeroon »

andrewl wrote: post #128
huhkerrf wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I honestly wish social clubs were a thing, and you would get introduced to people from all walks of life They are. Elks, Knights of Columbus, etc. Not as popular with the younger crowd, but nothing is stopping you from joining or starting your own. As for the point around feeling like you have to talk about rock climbing all day: you don't. Rock climbing is just the entry point, which allows for a shared conversati…

As another commenter said, at lot of the fraternal organizations are religious. The Elks site says to be eligible for membership, you must 1) Be at least 21 years of age; 2) Believe in God; 3) Be a citizen of the United States who pledges allegiance to and salutes the American Flag; 4) Be of good character. The Knights of Columbus says membership is limited to practicing Catholic men. That works for some people. I li…

That's strange, I know a bunch of guys in my hometown who hang out at the Elks who aren't religious. Most of them are probably confirmed or at least baptized though.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#165

Post by j45 »

mmooss wrote: post #154
izend wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have had this discussion with my wife, men need activities more than women to bond. My wife can make friends just by randomly running into other women at events or my daughter's activities.

[flagged]

Why does anyone need to be defensive about what someone has found for them?

For example, studies have shown that men who decide to isolate themselves to be "family men" die earlier at age 58.

It might not need to be a pub, but having a club house to do pretty much anything is enormously beneficial to the human brain to have positive social interaction.

We get to decide our own social interaction.

The world is not responsible to not triggering us.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#166

Post by iamnothere »

basisword wrote: post #153
iamnothere wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Human experience is broader than you can imagine. Through reading, I regularly encounter new ideas and concepts that I never could have derived from my interactions with others. Through meditation and contemplation I have experienced strange and fascinating modes of consciousness that are available to anyone willing to sit still for a while. Casual travel has led me to an endless number of beautiful empty places, pla…

None of these are bad things.They're all great. But rejecting socialising with other humans due to a negative experience with some is the opposite of the enlightenment that can be found through meditation. If you only read about things rather than experience them you can't really know them. If you only travel alone you miss out on the joy of travelling and discovering with others. You can do both.

You seem to misunderstand. I don’t reject socializing because of a few negative experiences, I just don’t get any significant positive feelings anymore from the majority of my social interactions, after many attempts, and especially when compared with interactions from long ago. It isn’t just other people, I have changed too. Even interactions that “go well” just don’t provide anything of value. What’s more, I don’t miss it. I much prefer what I have now.

I don’t travel alone, I travel with my partner who is a great companion.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#167

Post by yoz-y »

In 2023 I built a similar community around parties in my (small) apartment. With a group of around 80 people in the end, usually about 30 shown up. It was great fun, but ultimately it did not build a community. It was great, but vast majority of the connections were fleeting.

Turns out partying is not something that really builds bonds.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#168

Post by einsteinx2 »

amunozo wrote: post #129

I couldn't end reading it. He was saying all the time that the read might have some envy and this was too good to complain, but what I most felt is pity. Being all day at home feels miserable to me.

It’s honestly amazing if you’re the right type of person for it (I know because I have a similar life to the author and I love it). The one important thing, as the author discovered and this article is about, is to make sure to keep up some amount of social life and not become a complete shut in as that genuinely becomes miserable after a while (at least it did for me until I started revitalizing my social life as well, though not in the way the author did).

All that is to say, please don’t feel pity for us haha. I asume the author, like me, genuinely enjoys this lifestyle.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#170

Post by roerohan »

someone_jain_ wrote: post #159
alexpotato wrote: post #10

Back in 2019, got to go to Hong Kong for a couple months for work and got to bring my family. I was about to turn 40 and realized that the place we were staying had a rock wall. In a somewhat "mid life crisis" spur of the moment decision, I decided to go buy shoes, a belt and a chalk bag (I did a lot of indoor rock climbing in college). We get there and the rock wall is a. closed and b. only for kids. Get back to the…

Every person I meet in climbing gym defines their life in two words: BC and AC: Before Climbing and After Climbing. Had the same experience as OP, thanks to it, I am more fit than ever and have a much better social life :)

So true
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