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Basic Social Skills Guide

improveyoursocialskills.com

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Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#231

Post by JohnBooty »

ryandrake wrote: post #211
cpursley wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I noticed this too about sportball people - they’re generally out of shape and not actually athletic (I’m fit and active in several outdoor sports). I just find watching or talking about sports excruciatingly boring. To me it’s the same thing as pornography, watching other people who are really good at it while you are a bystander, but your brain gets the physiological and-psychological signal that you’re actua…

This may be a more recent thing, but I find a lot of the "sportsball" conversations are actually just slightly disguised conversations about gambling. Everyone is on Draft Kings and when they talk about this guy's stats or that team's past, or this game's expected score, they're just talking about betting and stuff. I don't think a lot of the sportsball people are even really fans of the sport, they're just looking a…

As somebody who enjoys both watching and playing sports, I agree and I think that sports betting is so gross and harmful.

I have a question, though. What's up with the "sportsball" thing?

I mean, I'm very familiar with it. It just seems like it's always been used as a mildly derogatory term by people who really dislike sports and sports fans. What does it mean to you? No wrong answers.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#232

Post by zwnow »

ryandrake wrote: post #207
aklemm wrote: post #144

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not a popular approach these days, but you’re absolutely right. This is an example where setting healthy boundaries has veered into hiding away from life and avoiding hard, messy human things.

It seems like, at least in online places like Reddit, "boundaries" has become this magical, get-out-of-jail-free word that justifies people to short-circuit norms and socialization and just do whatever they want in human relationships. "I want to do X, and I don't want to do Y, and I don't want my partner calling me out for doing Z. If you don't like it, that's your problem, and if you object, you're crossing my boun…

What exactly is wrong with being selfish and anti social? Most of yalls employers are selfish and you still work for them.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#233

Post by ryandrake »

JohnBooty wrote: post #231
ryandrake wrote: post #211

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This may be a more recent thing, but I find a lot of the "sportsball" conversations are actually just slightly disguised conversations about gambling. Everyone is on Draft Kings and when they talk about this guy's stats or that team's past, or this game's expected score, they're just talking about betting and stuff. I don't think a lot of the sportsball people are even really fans of the sport, they're just looking a…

As somebody who enjoys both watching and playing sports, I agree and I think that sports betting is so gross and harmful. I have a question, though. What's up with the "sportsball" thing? I mean, I'm very familiar with it. It just seems like it's always been used as a mildly derogatory term by people who really dislike sports and sports fans. What does it mean to you? No wrong answers.

I don't know. OP used the word and I just repeated it. I figure it's a generic term for the kinds of ball sports that popular culture follows and/or bets on: Baseball, Basketball, Football and so on.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#234

Post by aaronbaugher »

JohnBooty wrote: post #229
cafeinux wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For the few times where I had to speak to someone about topics I don't care much about, I found that simply asking questions to learn about them ( as well as the person I'm speaking to) is enough. "What team do you support? Has it always been the case? How do you think they compare to ?" "What car do you drive? Any particular reason for that car model? What's the brand's best and worst things? Oh, that piece tends to…

I found that simply asking questions to learn about them ( as well as the person I'm speaking to) is enough. This is such a great insight and skill. This is something that 99% of "nerds" don't understand about sports. You don't have to fake your way through "knowing about sports" to have a conversation around it. Suppose you're in Buffalo, NY and you don't know a thing about sports. However, unless visiting with your…

Discussions like these show that some people really block out anything beyond their specific interests.

I don't care about superhero movies, so I haven't seen any of the Marvel or DC movies, yet I still know they exist and sometimes I know which one is being promoted right now. If I got stuck at a table somewhere with someone who is a big fan of them, we could have a conversation. It'd mostly consist of me asking questions, but that'd work fine, because as a fan he'd have opinions to share. Same thing with sports or anything, really.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#235

Post by zwnow »

butlike wrote: post #218
zwnow wrote: post #183

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Avoidance can be self preservation. My friends are fine with me not attending, why aren't you? Because I dont wanna join some human made sadness gatherings with some religious idiot talking about how my atheist friend is with God now?

Humans are societal creatures. That avoidance as self-preservation can be considered a weak trait. Society only really works if we know we have each other's backs when the chips are down, so with you abandoning situations when the chips are down demonstrates you won't be there when I need you to be, so it's probably better to cut you out now, right? Or, why would I put food on the table for the slowest gazelle?

We live in a post society. We are long past the "we need each other" part. Everybody only cares about themselves and im just reflecting what the world gives me.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#236

Post by zwnow »

throwawayoldie wrote: post #215
zwnow wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's also ok not to attend funerals at all, even if you were close. I broke down every funeral I went to and would rather avoid that in the future.

Got to disagree. If there's one situation where a public breakdown is generally understood to be appropriate, it's a funeral. And if you're saying you don't want to because it's uncomfortable for you to be seen that way, well, the funeral isn't about you.

If i am forced to attend its about me.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#237

Post by JohnBooty »

rickandmorty99 wrote: post #45
RataNova wrote: post #33

A lot of "social skills" content drifts into pickup-artist-y territory, so it's refreshing when something frames it around comfort, support, and actual connection instead of just "winning" interactions

> instead of just "winning" interactions Mainstream pickup artists yea. Some niche ones, not really. Wayne Elise feels like a good example, from back in the day. On a throwaway because the judgmental people will judge me for the rest of my life due to me nuancing that not all people associated to pickup artists looked at social interactions in a zero sum way.

I'm glad to hear somebody say that. I never dug very deeply into the PUA stuff as the community seemed like quite a toxic dump.

But, a lot of the actual material I did see actually seemed like it was universally applicable in non-toxic and non-exploitative ways.

I think a lot of the basic skills and concepts are the same, whether using them for positive goals or for selfishly manipulative goals.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#238

Post by zwnow »

JohnBooty wrote: post #225
zwnow wrote: post #171

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not really. I've been to many funerals and I dont want to go to many more. You gotta learn that self preservation is more important sometimes.

The relevant thing is care and aid for the grieving loved ones of the deceased. Your presence at the funeral, while symbolic (some might even say empty symbolism) is a way of showing the mourners that the deceased was cared for by many. It is comforting to some extent. But of course, if funerals are too difficult, there are other ways to accomplish the same thing.

I never had to do with the grieving though? What do I care about the grieving? I care about the deceased person. I am not going to fake interest in their family if it never occurred when my friend was alive.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#239

Post by projectazorian »

ryandrake wrote: post #207
aklemm wrote: post #144

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not a popular approach these days, but you’re absolutely right. This is an example where setting healthy boundaries has veered into hiding away from life and avoiding hard, messy human things.

It seems like, at least in online places like Reddit, "boundaries" has become this magical, get-out-of-jail-free word that justifies people to short-circuit norms and socialization and just do whatever they want in human relationships. "I want to do X, and I don't want to do Y, and I don't want my partner calling me out for doing Z. If you don't like it, that's your problem, and if you object, you're crossing my boun…

To be fair, plenty of boundary setting is legitimate. I find that hypocrisy is an excellent tell for when someone is misusing the principle. Eg. when someone says "I don't like it when you talk about this subject" and then proceeds to bring up said subject all the time when they have something to say about it.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#240

Post by projectazorian »

butlike wrote: post #218
zwnow wrote: post #183

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Avoidance can be self preservation. My friends are fine with me not attending, why aren't you? Because I dont wanna join some human made sadness gatherings with some religious idiot talking about how my atheist friend is with God now?

Humans are societal creatures. That avoidance as self-preservation can be considered a weak trait. Society only really works if we know we have each other's backs when the chips are down, so with you abandoning situations when the chips are down demonstrates you won't be there when I need you to be, so it's probably better to cut you out now, right? Or, why would I put food on the table for the slowest gazelle?

> Society only really works if we know we have each other's backs when the chips are down

I'd disagree with this - capitalism tends to reward defection from this norm, and it's been a stable equilibrium for centuries at this point. You have more of a point when it comes to community, but even many intentional communities are massively hypocritical when it comes to this, with higher-status people having the ability to deviate from norms at will.

helpful reading: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gemeinschaft_and_Gesellschaft

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