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Basic Social Skills Guide

improveyoursocialskills.com

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Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#211

Post by ryandrake »

cpursley wrote: post #99
yoz-y wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While I’ve yet to meet somebody into fishing or hunting, I agree about cars and sports. Unfortunately since I have interest in neither it can be hard to fit in sometime. Weirdly, as somebody non interested in these common topics it also feels like it’s up to you to figure out a topic of common interest and it really isn’t. About sports also, most people super “into” sports don’t do any. Which is ironic because a conv…

Yeah, I noticed this too about sportball people - they’re generally out of shape and not actually athletic (I’m fit and active in several outdoor sports). I just find watching or talking about sports excruciatingly boring. To me it’s the same thing as pornography, watching other people who are really good at it while you are a bystander, but your brain gets the physiological and-psychological signal that you’re actua…

This may be a more recent thing, but I find a lot of the "sportsball" conversations are actually just slightly disguised conversations about gambling. Everyone is on Draft Kings and when they talk about this guy's stats or that team's past, or this game's expected score, they're just talking about betting and stuff. I don't think a lot of the sportsball people are even really fans of the sport, they're just looking at stats and betting.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#213

Post by kbelder »

npteljes wrote: post #201
rsaarelm wrote: post #31

Mask every day. Life goal: Be 100% artificial person. All openings and responses must be calculated and faked. Your inner self is faulty and not appropriate at any situation. Once you train and work hard enough to suppress it at all times forever, you may be accepted and allowed to participate.

Part of being truly social (and being emotionally mature) is to understand and apply the difference between manipulation and being mindful about behavior and speech. Same as honesty - honesty doesn't need to be brutal honesty. One can be authentic without being hurtful. >Your inner self is faulty and not appropriate at any situation Mostly true actually. If this was not so, the world would look like a daycare without…

Right. You don't need to be fake; but you need to be in control of yourself. Aware, mindful, and civilized.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#215

Post by throwawayoldie »

zwnow wrote: post #15
strken wrote: post #5

On the topic of "support your friends", if there's a funeral for someone you weren't super close with but your friend knew well and you're not sure whether to go, I would recommend just going, sitting up the back, offering your condolences if the opportunity comes up, and leaving. I've failed to do this twice. Nobody else said or did anything, but I regretted it.

It's also ok not to attend funerals at all, even if you were close. I broke down every funeral I went to and would rather avoid that in the future.

Got to disagree. If there's one situation where a public breakdown is generally understood to be appropriate, it's a funeral. And if you're saying you don't want to because it's uncomfortable for you to be seen that way, well, the funeral isn't about you.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#216

Post by sundarurfriend »

jvanderbot wrote: post #125
sundarurfriend wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I've found that no mater what country I've been to, or what social classes the people belong to, three topics have a 95% success rate when it comes to social relations with guys: sports, cars, fishing/hunting. And to some degree handywork. Have you generally been to the Americas and Western Europe? Sports is the one universal, that makes sense in my experience too. But most people outside the rich upper class don't…

I think most people here are mistaking cars as a subject for things like hotrods or racing or classic cars. But you really can kick off a decent conversation by just commenting and asking about what they drive, usually by starting with "I see a lot of people prefer X here". And you end up learning a decent amount about them.

Assuming they have a car (which a lot of people don't), this would be on the same level as asking about what phone they use - some people carefully chose theirs and want to talk about it, but for a lot of people it's just a thing that exists and gets the job done. It might get the conversation going, just the same as many other topics, but it won't be a conversation they'll especially enjoy in most parts of the world.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#217

Post by OldfieldFund »

TrackerFF wrote: post #20

I've found that no mater what country I've been to, or what social classes the people belong to, three topics have a 95% success rate when it comes to social relations with guys: sports, cars, fishing/hunting. And to some degree handywork. It is a bit unfortunate, as I'm not at all interested in talking about those things - but they are such staple topics, that you can come off as a sort of outcast if you can't keep…

In my experience, men mostly want to talk about women, money, and crypto.

This is why I prefer talking to women.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#218

Post by butlike »

zwnow wrote: post #183
GiorgioG wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s not self preservation, it’s avoidance and selfishness.

Avoidance can be self preservation. My friends are fine with me not attending, why aren't you? Because I dont wanna join some human made sadness gatherings with some religious idiot talking about how my atheist friend is with God now?

Humans are societal creatures. That avoidance as self-preservation can be considered a weak trait. Society only really works if we know we have each other's backs when the chips are down, so with you abandoning situations when the chips are down demonstrates you won't be there when I need you to be, so it's probably better to cut you out now, right?

Or, why would I put food on the table for the slowest gazelle?

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#219

Post by butlike »

KineticLensman wrote: post #189
apexalpha wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If I was close to someone and they skipped my funeral for no other reason than their own mild discomfort I would seriously question how close we were after all.

> ...they skipped my funeral ... I would seriously question ... This isn't how death works

Maybe you could haunt them or something, who knows

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#220

Post by butlike »

zwnow wrote: post #172
GiorgioG wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Someone should attend your funeral because they made some kind of connection with you in this short life. Being uncomfortable for 30 minutes is the least one can do. I am so tired of people being so emotionally immature that they can’t handle a little discomfort.

Whats so special about a funeral? It's just tons of sad people. I meet the relevant people in unofficial circumstances. My friends understand this, so I dont see the issue.

It's weird, in one comment you say you only care about the deceased "person in the casket," and here you mention the respect of friends (who are presumably living) as important. It sounds to me like you might be a younger person with a slightly naive worldview on death.
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