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Basic Social Skills Guide

improveyoursocialskills.com

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Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#91

Post by skydhash »

rsaarelm wrote: post #84
TheCapeGreek wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Fake it till you make it. "Be yourself" is not wrong, but it's not specific enough. You can be perfectly authentic, but that doesn't mean being socially uncalibrated. Get good at being sociable, then blend that with your personal tastes and preferences. I thought "be yourself" was fine until I grew up and learned I was just being rude to most people and called myself introverted when I didn't make friends.

> Fake it till you make it. What are you trying to make though? You're pretending to want the same things the people you think you need to fit in with want, but if you don't actually want those things, what point is there to be in a competition to get them?

Social skills is moslty compromises. It’s kind of a protocol that signals that you’re not unfriendly, and if you’re part of a community, that you’re ready to pitch in, when someone or the entire community needs help.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#92

Post by gwd »

atoav wrote: post #69
strken wrote: post #5

On the topic of "support your friends", if there's a funeral for someone you weren't super close with but your friend knew well and you're not sure whether to go, I would recommend just going, sitting up the back, offering your condolences if the opportunity comes up, and leaving. I've failed to do this twice. Nobody else said or did anything, but I regretted it.

Well the thing is, that sometimes being there and giving them a nod is already saying enough. No need for words. Showing them you care is appropriate if you really do.

"Words aren't remembered, but presence is."

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#93

Post by ryanjshaw »

Blackarea wrote: post #7

I wonder why this was written as these very small paragraphs with only a few lines of content? Apart from the hosting issues due to hackernews it leads to a lot of intros and 'in the next section we will learn...' but the actually useful content is quite little and you have to dig hard for it. I'd personally favor a normal article.

I found it frustrating because of all the links everywhere. In the “How to use this guide” section it links to a body language section.

But there’s no context as to where this body language section fits in.

Am I supposed to read the body language section now and then remember to go back to the how to section? Or is body language discussed later? Then why link to it now? This format stresses me out.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#94

Post by _9ptr »

sundarurfriend wrote: post #55
TrackerFF wrote: post #20

I've found that no mater what country I've been to, or what social classes the people belong to, three topics have a 95% success rate when it comes to social relations with guys: sports, cars, fishing/hunting. And to some degree handywork. It is a bit unfortunate, as I'm not at all interested in talking about those things - but they are such staple topics, that you can come off as a sort of outcast if you can't keep…

> I've found that no mater what country I've been to, or what social classes the people belong to, three topics have a 95% success rate when it comes to social relations with guys: sports, cars, fishing/hunting. And to some degree handywork. Have you generally been to the Americas and Western Europe? Sports is the one universal, that makes sense in my experience too. But most people outside the rich upper class don't…

What do Asians talk about then?

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#95

Post by DarkNova6 »

7222aafdcf68cfe wrote: post #34
thrownawaysz wrote: post #18

This is a very American society focused guide, a lot of these wouldn't even apply in Europe an especially not if you travel to Asia, Middle East, or Africa

Interestingly enough, not nearly as much gets published for e.g. Europe. Innate ability ?

Maybe there are more languages than english in Europe?

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#96

Post by amelius »

PandaRider wrote: post #56
nicbou wrote: post #28

The best guide I have ever seen is https://succeedsocially.com/ It’s so unbelievably straightforward and useful. It’s unfortunate that I discovered it after learning everything the hard way.

It's not bad. Maybe 7/10. I read the page https://www.succeedsocially.com/morefun . Here's my initial impressions. Pros: it identified several important painpoints and give several decent examples. Cons: Being a truly fun person is all about reaction reaction reaction. Fun people react authentically (while censoring their ahole side because you don't want to be fun but unlikable), ridiculously (while reading the room…

> Fun people react authentically (while censoring their ahole side because you don't want to be fun but unlikable)

But here you explain exactly what is difficult. It's like walking a tightrope and someone tells you not to fall to the left and by the way, also not to the right.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#97

Post by humanono »

ernst_klim wrote: post #73
humanono wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That includes people like me who are neurodivergent And I'm also not shaming anyone not wanting or unable to chain themselves. It was a statement about the uniqueness of ones character and the agency of controlling it/changing or adjusting it by yourself

Then I don't understand what you are arguing about. If you're neurodivergent, you would always require self awareness and masking, faked as op rightfully stated. You could never natural, no matter what circumstances were.

I changed very slowly and steady over the last 20 years.

This has very little to do with masking.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#98

Post by _9ptr »

Fraterkes wrote: post #66

This is a bit of a long shot, but a lot my social embarrassment comes from my tendency to mumble / be hard to understand. Anyone on here have any experience with improving at that stuff?

This may sound unhelpful, but just try to notice when you do it and then speak more clearly. Try to minimize the amount of "What" as a response to what you say.

If you have a medical type of problem that's of course not applicable.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#99

Post by cpursley »

yoz-y wrote: post #22
TrackerFF wrote: post #20

I've found that no mater what country I've been to, or what social classes the people belong to, three topics have a 95% success rate when it comes to social relations with guys: sports, cars, fishing/hunting. And to some degree handywork. It is a bit unfortunate, as I'm not at all interested in talking about those things - but they are such staple topics, that you can come off as a sort of outcast if you can't keep…

While I’ve yet to meet somebody into fishing or hunting, I agree about cars and sports. Unfortunately since I have interest in neither it can be hard to fit in sometime. Weirdly, as somebody non interested in these common topics it also feels like it’s up to you to figure out a topic of common interest and it really isn’t. About sports also, most people super “into” sports don’t do any. Which is ironic because a conv…

Yeah, I noticed this too about sportball people - they’re generally out of shape and not actually athletic (I’m fit and active in several outdoor sports). I just find watching or talking about sports excruciatingly boring. To me it’s the same thing as pornography, watching other people who are really good at it while you are a bystander, but your brain gets the physiological and-psychological signal that you’re actually part of the action. Though I don’t recommend the latter as a potential topic of conversation.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide

#100

Post by jeltz »

sundarurfriend wrote: post #55
TrackerFF wrote: post #20

I've found that no mater what country I've been to, or what social classes the people belong to, three topics have a 95% success rate when it comes to social relations with guys: sports, cars, fishing/hunting. And to some degree handywork. It is a bit unfortunate, as I'm not at all interested in talking about those things - but they are such staple topics, that you can come off as a sort of outcast if you can't keep…

> I've found that no mater what country I've been to, or what social classes the people belong to, three topics have a 95% success rate when it comes to social relations with guys: sports, cars, fishing/hunting. And to some degree handywork. Have you generally been to the Americas and Western Europe? Sports is the one universal, that makes sense in my experience too. But most people outside the rich upper class don't…

Talking about cars in Western Europe isn't that safe bet either. In cities like Stockholm most people are not interested in cars. And similarily hunting and fishing are niche interests in urban areas.
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