I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic • Hacker News Board

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#591

Post by renewiltord » Fri, May 30, 2025, 5:50 PM UTC

alpaca128 wrote: post #563

renewiltord wrote: post #532

Earlier quoted context omitted.

These all have the smell of “50% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck” type nonsense and there are sufficient counter findings that I don’t think there’s any good evidence here https://news.gallup.com/poll/470888/americans-largely-satisf... I think I’m likely correct. This is a manufactured crisis like seed oils, or ADHD and autism diagnoses. Nothing is actually getting worse.

One can be largely satisfied with their situation but still be lonely or just not particularly happy & fulfilled. Higher satisfaction with one's income can mean more loneliness because of work hours etc. The number of births per woman has been declining for decades worldwide, in cases like South Korea it's collapsing massively. That has many reasons, but it's obviously linked to loneliness and relationships. > This i…

There's improved diagnosis but much of it is test fraud because students with accommodations score higher than the general population on most competitive tests like the LSATs. It's also why diagnoses are higher in states with more accommodations.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#592

Post by dwaltrip » Fri, May 30, 2025, 5:52 PM UTC

_zaey wrote: post #417

Bouldering (indoor climbing) is the most social sport I’ve tried, and I’d highly recommend going on your own as you will find opportunities to meet new people, and others will talk to you (as long as you’re not wearing headphones!). Bouldering provides an open space you can move freely in, with no inherent social hierarchy (no tutors, teachers), just people trying varying difficulties of bouldering routes. If someone…

Pickleball is another great option. I find open-play pickelball to be even more social than bouldering! It's also cheaper. There are courts everywhere these days!

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

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Post by reverendsteveii » Fri, May 30, 2025, 5:53 PM UTC

steveBK123 wrote: post #435

SiempreViernes wrote: post #391

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's because the genders aren't valued equally by society, so they don't permute. Once gender equality is established they could switched and the statements would be equivalent.

I dunno, generationally we may be correcting a problem that will soon no longer exist, or even invert. Women are attending and graduating college in higher numbers than men in GenZ. Much of the man-o-sphere GenZ rightward turn seems to be resentment at society being sure what the use of men is anymore. That is, from a very young age girls are told they can do/be whatever they want. Often now, boys are described in te…

>You'll hear left wing progressive parents in places like NYC tell stories like "my 8 year old boy came home from school crying because his teacher told hime everything bad that has happened in history was because of men"

I've never heard anyone say that happened but I've heard plenty of people say that they heard someone say that happened. I think it goes in the same file as "Litter boxes in classrooms so that furries can poop in front of everyone" and "It's illegal to be Christian in schools now".

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#594

Post by matty22 » Fri, May 30, 2025, 5:57 PM UTC

I would argue that the fatal flaw of this idea is that it is an online app. If this was solvable with technology, Meetup.com has a 15 year head start on you and they didn't solve it.

I think technology is antithetical to the goal you are working toward. Instead, start a local group and have a "all cellphones go here" basket when members enter so that when they are there, they are fully engaged and not doom scrolling the entire time.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#595

Post by FirmwareBurner » Fri, May 30, 2025, 5:57 PM UTC

_zaey wrote: post #540

FirmwareBurner wrote: post #476

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You don't need to go to the bouldering gym to make small talk hoping it becomes more than that. You can make small talk everywhere like libraries, cafes, bars, meet-ups, concerts, stand-ups, etc. places where the main activity is talking, not exercising. And if sports is your jam, team sports are better for socializing than solitary sports like bouldering, because you are forced to work together and build connections…

I suppose it’s very different here in the UK then

UK has people much more sociable and open compared to Germanic/Nordic cultures.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#596

Post by cjohnson318 » Fri, May 30, 2025, 6:01 PM UTC

blablabla123 wrote: post #265

cjohnson318 wrote: post #240

I think a lot of this boils down to the fact that most men are too insecure to engage with each other meaningfully. This causes them to appear overly competitive, or uninterested. How many times have you spoken to another man that can't stop trying to one-up you, or cannot be bothered to ask you a single question? That's the majority of my interactions with other men.

Yeah, problems are way deeper and would have to be addressed in such a concept. Last year I read a Graphical Novel about it (Seek You) which goes into great detail. Root causes includes dysfunctional TV stereotypes (the lonely hero) among others.

Dysfunctional media is a big one, dysfunctional families, the disintegration of the middle class, the rise of techbro culture where a whole generation suddenly had this expectation that you can and should be as wealthy as a doctor, with a fraction of the training or oversight.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#597

Post by dtdynasty » Fri, May 30, 2025, 6:12 PM UTC

mock-possum wrote: post #536

Multicomp wrote: post #2

The lack of deep friendships feel like a 3-fold problem. 1. You can't ever be real, if you are real, you are likely to be recorded doing something someone somewhere on the largest stage in the world (the public web) that someone will disapprove of, and someone else will raise their own profile by mining your impiety to prove their own concern and moral superiority. 2. Everyone is so mobile and connected online, they…

I do think that the kind of people that complain about the male loneliness epidemic are the kind of people who would struggle with those issues- The only way to establish relationships is to be real - so of course if you believe you can’t be real, that’ll be a problem. Relationships kick off and grow and solidify via socializing - so of course if you’ve let your social skills atrophy and believe you have no chance to…

Overall I agree with the point that people don't take the effort to change themselves and connect with another human being.

> The only way to establish relationships is to be real

Personally, I found emotional dissonance when people tell me this phrase. For a long time, acting like myself has ostracized me from other people and built shallow relationships. It's only when I didn't act like myself and faked it until it became a habit did I build deeper friendships.

It's emotionally difficult when your natural way of acting is not accepted.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#598

Post by SunlitCat » Fri, May 30, 2025, 6:15 PM UTC

parpfish wrote: post #489

csomar wrote: post #176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I guess this is less of an issue for male-to-male communication.

Theres plenty of awkwardness if you approach a bunch of guys that are all friends with each other. Can I join in this conversation, or is it a “closed” private clique?

In my experience, what sometimes work, is saying something, even just an "Oh? Really?". Although no deep connections emerged from that one, i've had a few good conversations with strange people going.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#599

Post by SunlitCat » Fri, May 30, 2025, 6:20 PM UTC

wiseowise wrote: post #255

benchloftbrunch wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That would exclude me and others who refuse on principle to use Facebook (or really any social media owned by Meta).

Right. Excluding, let’s be honest, a couple of weirdos who don’t use FB as ideological stance is a problem. Excluding huge swaths of “normies”(who are majority of people) by setting up third party website with zero reputation is not.

Well, take me. I joined facebook two years ago after avoiding it for years not (just) because of the reasons you mentioned but also because i was very privacy focused.

The only thing i found out, after connecting with a few people i know around me and scrolling through their history on facebook...the big party is over and i am too late.

Facebook isn't what it was anymore and people don't use it that much to connect with others.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#600

Post by 542354234235 » Fri, May 30, 2025, 6:33 PM UTC

steveBK123 wrote: post #519

542354234235 wrote: post #504

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To add, in walkable communities you are much more likely to be a “regular” at more places, since you are walking to the places nearby, and to share multiple regular places with other people. Walking 15 minutes to 30 minutes still keep you in about a 1-2 mile radius, which is pretty small and has a lot of overlap with other people walking. So you are likely to see the same people at the bar as at the gym or the coffee…

It's more cultural than walkability. I've lived about 20 years in NYC but now spend months at a time outside the city as well. In the US, in VHCOL places like NYC filled with upper middle class striver / PMC types.. everything is so fleeting & ephemeral you just don't have "regulars". You just feel anonymous. Everything is moving/changing all the time, expectations and trust are low. There is a lot of classism. I liv…

I mean, Manhattan is the most densely populated place in the entire country. I’m talking about communities designed around walkability, not places where people are so densely packed your local services are basically within the same block out of necessity.

Philadelphia, Chicago, and Seattle are extremely walkable for a large part of the city proper, in my experience. Whereas places like Phoenix, Orlando, and Dallas are sprawls where almost none of the city is walkable.

In a small town, it is easy to become a regular when there are only 5 restaurants and one vet. But in a proper "city" walkability is a major factor in community level.